Little Do You Know

Chapter 35

TW: Miscarriage

1996

Dani groaned, fingers grabbing at a shelf, her other hand coming to her low stomach as she exhaled slowly, trying to work through the awful cramp. It had started a few hours ago. She'd never had this with either of her other pregnancies but Lydia told her it was normal. She'd had it with both of hers, the uterus expanding to accommodate the baby or something, according to her. Dani didn't really give a shit why, she just wanted it to stop. It felt like the worst period cramps ever.

"Oh, Dani, still cramping?" asked Lydia as she came around the corner with an armful of books to shelve. "I think I have some pain meds in my purse. Do you need a couple?"

"No. I don't want to take anything that could hurt the baby," she replied through gritted teeth. "I think maybe I just need to sit down for a minute or something."

"If you say so, sweetheart. All these rules these days. We didn't have them when I had babies and both of mine turned out just fine."

Lydia set the books down, taking her arm and helping her over to a chair in the front of the store. It was meant for customers to sit and peruse a possible book selection but no one was even shopping right now. Dani eased into the chair, leaning her head back, closing her eyes and trying to breathe through it.

"Shit, I know you said this was normal...but it really hurts. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being a big baby or something."

Of course. Of course this kid that had flipped her world upside down was going to make the pregnancy a bitch as well. Eight weeks after finding out, she and Eddie were still in a bad place, nerves about the new arrival only feeding into their agitation, causing them to snap and gripe at each other about every little thing.

Just last night, as he'd been gathering his stuff to head out to The Hideout, he'd gone off about how she never came to his shows anymore. She had spent eight hours on her feet at the store, followed by handling everything for the kids so he could get ready and she was exhausted. She'd screamed at him about how she never had time to come to his shows because she was always busy doing all the things that needed to be done, the things he couldn't be bothered with. Harsh names and bitter words were thrown around before he stormed out the door and she collapsed on the couch in tears, again.

The tears came more and more these days and a lot of it was probably hormonal, some of it was definitely anxiety about all the stresses this new baby would bring. Lyric had asked if she could take dance lessons last week because her friend, Kelly, did and Dani had burst into tears at her question, leaving her daughter worried and confused. She'd felt awful but it had been another reminder of all the things they couldn't afford to give the two children they already had.

And with her and Eddie being how they were right now, she couldn't imagine bringing a new baby into their household. How was anything ever supposed to get better when life just kept piling more and more shit on top of them? Every time she thought they were starting to dig themselves out, to clear some of the clutter away, here came a truck with a whole new load, just piling it right on until they couldn't breathe.

"Dani, you okay?" Lydia asked, concerned with how long she'd been sitting silently.

"Yeah, yeah...I think I'm okay..." she murmured, slowly rising to her feet as the pain finally subsided a bit. "I'm sorry. I'll get to work on weeding out the inventory."

"Oh, honey, don't ever be sorry. Don't overdo yourself, okay? It's not like we're busy today. If you need to take the rest of the day, that's alright. You're pregnant. The only thing you should be focused on is taking care of yourself and that little bundle of joy in there."