Game of Fate

The Big Night (Pt. 1)

I didn't sleep at all.

It's been 5 hours and I'm still laying in bed, staring out the windows. I felt numb for some reason. Used. Not really sure what I expected from Tom, I was getting my hopes up again. But the way he acts like he really does care one second and the next he's gone is killing me. I decided laying in bed did me no good, so I got up and got ready for the gym. I made myself a pre-workout shake and changed into a sports bra & shorts. 

I didn't stop running on the treadmill until I felt physically ill. All I could think about was what had happened between me and Tom. I needed to get my shit together, the awards were tonight and I needed to focus on that and the band. I went back to my hotel room and ran into Gustav coming back with bags of breakfast for the guys.

"God morning!" he greeted.

"Hey" I replied, not even looking at him. I wasn't in the mood to converse right now, I just wanted to be alone.

He asked me if I was okay but I ignored him and walked into the hotel room. The girls were already in the kitchen attempting to make waffles, but it just looked like a disaster. Georg was there too, I guess to hangout with Celine and have breakfast with her. I felt jealousy run through me, then guilt. I shouldn't let what's happening make me feel anger towards my best friend being happy. But god did it hurt to see them.

"Where the hell were you?" asked Blake, "You've been gone for 3 hours!"

"Gym." I said, walking into my room and locking the door.

I spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon holed up in my room until it was time to go. Even then, I was silent all the way to the venue. The girls could tell something was wrong, but I think they knew better then to ask me when I was like this. As long as I could get through tonight then it would be fine. But one thing is for certain, I fucking hate Tom Kaulitz.

*Tom's POV*

I couldn't sleep after what happened. I stood in the shower and stared at the wall for what seemed like an entire day. I was conflicted. Hurting you was hurting me. The way you looked at me when I left felt like a stab in the chest.

I felt guilty as fuck, I shouldn't have left her like that. But nothing good comes out of relationships, I know better than to get involved with anyone. But for some reason ever since I've been in Tokyo there's been some pull to you and I have no idea why. Your laugh, the way your eyes light up when you smile. The more time I spend with you I feel stronger and stronger for you... you mesmerize me. But at the same time I'm scared of you, for the way you make me feel. Do you know how long it's been since a girl has made ME nervous? You're no good. We'll just end like the rest of them, and I don't want to lose you like that. I want to keep you in my life and not have it end in bad blood. But I want to be more than just friends. I'm confused and it's pissing me off. I'm angry at you and I'm angry at myself and I don't know what to do.

I punched the wall out of frustration and my hand started to bleed. 

"Fuck!" I yelled.

I took a breath and washed the blood off my knuckles before finally getting out. After getting dressed I checked my phone, it was blowing up with texts from Danica. She was asking why I stood her up last night. 

You. You were the reason I stood her up. 

I felt my stomach drop in guilt and tossed my phone somewhere across the room. I couldn't deal with Danica right now. There was a knock on the door.

"Tom?" It was Bill.

"Yeah, come in" I said.

He walked in and looked at me.