LITTLE SECRET | RAFE CAMERON

09: 𝘔𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦

„Listen, I know things didn't go the way they were supposed to"

The waves raged - almost like Alice's thoughts - but were still hit by the glow of the morning sun. She felt the warm sand on her feet, felt the sun bead little beads of sweat on her forehead as her eyes were glued to the horizon.

This was not the morning for such a conversation.

„That day" He started, taking a deep breath before continuing. „he got into a fight with his dad again before coming to the château"

„John B, why are you defending him?" She finally dared to look over at him.

She understood it somehow—well, she tried to. JJ was his best friend, so of course he was just trying to help him, but in this situation, JJ was the one who made the mistake and she couldn't just erase it from her mind.

All the things she had seen when she came to the château that night replayed in her mind.

It was the very first summer night and she was excited to spend it with JJ.

She didn't want to do anything else all summer. Because she loved him, a lot of people didn't think she did, but she really did.

JJ was the kind of boy who made it easy to love, but even harder to leave.

„I'm not defending him, I'm just trying to fix things between us" John B said, drawing an sigh from her lips.

„There's nothing to fix."

She remembered how quiet the château had been when she first walked in. On the table in the living room - in front of the fold-out sofa where Pope and Kie always slept - were empty bottles.

She saw JJ's hat on the sofa with his shirt next to it.

And then there was her backpack.

Kiara's backpack.

„What, are we doing the Pogues vs. Kooks bullshit now?" He shook his head as if she was the problem, but Alice had blamed herself enough in the last few weeks.

„What do you expect me to do, chill with the girl JJ cheated on me with?" She raised her voice.

When she saw Kiara's bag, she thought that she had probably just forgotten it. At least that's what she hoped as her eyes slowly took in the traces they left behind. The door to JJ's bedroom was ajar, not a single sound came out of it and she really hoped he was just sleeping.

Sleeping alone.

„No, no, that's not what we expect" John B assured her.

„What we expect, so he sent you?"

„Ali, the thing you saw that night-„ He started, but she had enough of his shit.

„What I saw that night was them sleeping in the same bed as him and me after fucking, so don't tell me what I saw"

That night, when she already felt within herself that something was wrong, she headed down the hallway. Her steps were so heavy that it felt like the room was miles away.

When she reached the crack in the door, a quick glance was enough to break her heart.

Their clothes were scattered around the bed, which held memories Alice had always loved to recall. Kie's head was resting on his chest, just as hers did every time when she listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat to fall asleep more easily.

And JJ's arm - the one that had always protected her - lay around Kie as if Alice had never had this place.

„He's sorry, Alice...he still loves you" He said, making her shake her head. Whatever he supposedly felt, it certainly wasn't love.

„I'm done here." She stood up and picked up her stuff from the sand.

„Come on, don't run away again" John B said, making her drop her things.

„He cheated on me" She yelled at him, pushing him back by his chest. „he fucked her with no remorse"

It felt like she was stuck in a nightmare that no one could get her out of. Just as she was beginning to heal and forget, she was pulled back into the depths of pain.

That night, and for weeks after, Alice believed it was all her fault that JJ did what he did. He may have been a troubled boy, but underneath his nightmares, he had a pure heart.

To her that meant that it was probably her who was the problem. Maybe her body wasn't enough or her kisses were too boring. Maybe they weren't fucking the way he liked anymore, so he needed something else. She racked her brain trying to find a reason until she realized that he was just a boy.

One of the many who didn't have much on his mind because he preferred to think with his dick.

„So tell him that I don't give a fuck about him just like he didn't give a single fuck about me that night" She hissed, ignoring the tears streaming down her cheeks. Her lungs pounded with every breath in her chest, as if it would tear her apart eventually.

She picked up her things and tried to catch her breath as she left John B standing on the beach.

Was this the great love that was always told in the many movies she had seen?

Was this what love felt like?

Because if it was, she would do anything to never fall in love with anyone again.

Love was a delicate thing. One moment you would lie there together, your head on your lover's chest while their fingertips are tucked deeply into your hair. You would think that your love is bound to infinity, that nothing can separate you two, and the next moment love would show its ugly side.

The ugly side of choosing the wrong person to love.

Alice was beginning to understand the game, this miserable game of love and she felt like she was losing mercilessly.