LITTLE SECRET | RAFE CAMERON

70: 𝘌𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳

It was the way Rafe's expression fell apart when Alice had asked him who Barry was that was more than enough of an answer for her. Just the damn way the previous worry in his eyes at the sight of her tears suddenly turned to fear.

„How do you—" Rafe hesitated, his grip on her wrists loosening. „...how do you know Barry?"

„I get my money" Alice recited the messages she had read on his phone. „you get your coke."

His eyebrows drew together as he took in what she had said, until it hit him. „you went through my phone?"

Shaking her head, she put some distance between them again. „that's your biggest worry right now?"

„You went through my fucking phone!"

„You left me no choice!"

„The fuck you mean left me no choice, what gives you the right to—"

„No Rafe, what gives you the right to keep something like this from me?"

„I kept it 'cause I knew you'd react like this!" He tried not to yell at her, but he couldn't get the anger in his chest to die down.

"No, I wouldn't have reacted like this and you know it!" Alice cried trough the tears, which were choking her throat so tightly that her words came out without any control. „I was the one who gave you a bed to sleep in and a place to stay when your father kicked you out for stealing his money for your fucking coke" She pointed at herself. „Me, Rafe, I was the one lying next to you in bed when you were all coked up just so you wouldn't be alone just so nothing would happen to you and...this is what I get?" Her voice grew quieter and she mouthed her last words as she could no longer speak. „nothing but empty promises?"

When her words had swept through the room and silence settled around the pair, Alice gradually felt the space in her chest fill with pressure.

The fabric of the dress covering her felt like a weight tightening around her body and crushing her lungs. She didn't feel well. Not at all, because the blood in her veins rushed through her like unstoppable waves that pumped panic into her heart.

And she remembered it so well. The moment her naivety had shown to be her greatest weakness.

That one night with him outside by her pool, when she had plucked up all her courage and asked him if he was still addicted and he had promised her - looking straight into her eyes - that she would be the first to know if he was...and now she was the last to know.

Just because she had believed that his love was filled with nothing but the truth.

„All I was trying to do was protect you" Rafe spoke low.

He knew what he had done. There was nothing he was more aware of than the fact that he had looked her straight in the eyes every time he had sworn to her that he was clean, perhaps hoping that it would eventually become the truth.

But he had failed, again.

Alice looked at him with restless eyes, her hand on the place of her heart, as if it ached under her palm while she thought.

"Baby..." Rafe looked at her, the appearance of tears in his eyes as he took a step closer and wanted to hold her.

„Don't." She raised her hand in front of her. „the only thing you can protect me from now-" Her voice cracked mid-sentence, letting her catch her breath. „-is yourself, Rafe"

That was it. That was the sentence that made the
first tear leave his eye and burn down his cheek.

And he realized it right there.

He realized that he would not hold her. That he wouldn't be able to make her tears disappear because he had triggered them. He wouldn't be given the chance to kiss her, to feel her, to hold her one last time and he alone was to blame for that.

„No, Alice" He shook his head definitively. „please don't" He took a careful step towards her. „Alice, don't do this"

Her name trembling from his lips were stabs to her heart. Stabs that cut even deeper when she looked up into his eyes and found the chaos in them mingling with his tears.

"I want you to leave" She said firmly, looking away from him, through him, no matter where, because she just couldn't bear to look at him as she gestured to the door.

„No, let's talk about it"

„There's nothing to talk about, Rafe"

„Nothing to talk about?" He panted heavily and took the last step towards her, forcing her to look into his tear-filled eyes. „you're gonna send me away, just like that, after this summer—our summer?"

He allowed the tear that flowed down his cheek to run without trying to stop it, because he didn't want to take his eyes off her for a second. He didn't want to, because he was afraid it would be the last time he would look into her and find love.

„You lied to me, just like that, all summer long" She reached for the door handle and opened the door for him. „so I want you to leave"

Rafe couldn't. He couldn't leave.

She was his balance, the reason he hadn't lost his mind yet, the only memory of the summer he wanted to keep forever.

She was his endless summer. His sun on all his dark nights, which was slowly slipping away and threatening to fade.

He needed her warmth one last time for himself and the cold thoughts that crept back into his mind, hoping they would melt away with the sunshine she carried inside of her.

Not even putting a second thought into it, he brought his hands to her soft cheeks without hesitation and pressed his lips to hers so hard that she clung to them. So damn hard that the kiss made her heart burst and shatter into pieces deep in her chest. Rafe could feel her tears running down to his fingertips as he caressed her cheeks and kissed her, stealing her breath because he didn't want anyone else to ever have it.

Alice wrapped her hands around his wrists. Held onto him one last time. Just one last time, as he pressed his forehead against hers and their breathes mingled in front of their open mouths when their lips parted.

She swallowed hard, holding her eyes shut. „you have to go."

He shook his head once more, silent tears rolling down his face. „...don't do this"

„If you want to protect me as much as you supposedly did with your lies" She pushed him away from her and over the threshold of her room, feeling their kiss still burning on her lips, like the words of a goodbye. „then leave."

„I can't" Rafe shook his head harder, making her cry even more as she looked into his eyes.

Alice got one last glimpse of her favorite shade of blue before she spoke words that shattered her heart for good. „we're done, Rafe."