LITTLE SECRET | RAFE CAMERON

74: 𝘍𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴

Weeks had passed and Alice had barely even noticed.

She had "taken a break", which was just a nice way of saying what she had actually been doing the last few days. Because isolating herself from everything and everyone was more than just taking a break. She had spent the last few days all alone in her room, getting too comfortable with the dim sunlight that barely made its way through the closed curtains and her warm bed where no one could lie to her.

At least while she was alone.

God, she felt pathetic. After her breakup with JJ a few months ago, she had vowed never to spend her days and nights wallowing in her heartache caused by some stupid boy ever again.

She didn't want to waste her last summer days on something that was maybe even doomed to break sooner or later.

But breaking up with Rafe had hit her harder than she had expected.

Ever since the conversation with Ian that night - including the whole Elena thing - Alice had been unsure if the Rafe she had grown to love this summer was really the Rafe he was on the inside.

She was afraid of loving a lie.

Because she wasn't stupid. She knew Rafe knew what he was doing and he knew it would hurt her, but somehow that didn't stop him.

And all of that kept her awake that night as she stared at her phone, which glowed with an endless series of messages from Rafe that he had sent her since they had broken up.

And she hadn't answered a single one yet.

Slowly, Alice scrolled through their chat.

There had been many nights when she wanted to call him. Just to hear his voice and ask him how he was doing, but each time she had managed to stop herself. But she had never been able to stop herself from reading all his messages over and over again.

It made her feel like he was still with her in some way. His attempts to get through to her were actually the last hope she had that things would work out between them.

Maybe it would take weeks, months or even years, but she tried to believe that there was still some hope for them.

Because she really wanted them to be okay.

Regardless of his lie, Alice couldn't deny that the last few months with Rafe had been some of the best she'd ever had. It was impossible to just let it all go.

Especially because of the messages he had sent her that night.

RAFE
Idk if you'll read this
I know I can't undo what happened baby
but I'm getting clean soon
Fr this time
I need to talk to you

Alice read the sentences over and over, uncertain. The belief that there might be some truth in them made her...think. Hesitantly, she began to type.

ALICE
Talk about what?

RAFE
Hey
It's late
Why aren't you sleeping?

ALICE
I give you five minutes
than I'm going to bed

RAFE
No wait
Can I call you?

ALICE
No

RAFE
Just this one call baby
That's all I ask of you

ALICE
Five minutes
Thats all you get

When her phone started ringing less than a minute later, she understood that five minutes was apparently enough for Rafe. It was all he wanted and all he needed.

But she also knew that five minutes was far too long. Just five minutes of his voice was enough to bring back everything she had pushed out of her mind in the last few days.

And when she answered his call, she felt exactly that.

„Hey..." His voice came softly through her phone.

God, his voice. It sounded hoarse, she even heard the scratching in his throat through the phone.

„Hi." She sank into her bed, lying on her side with her head deep in the pillow and the phone to her ear.

„Alice, I-" He hesitated after her name fell from his lips, as if a weight had just been lifted from his shoulders. „-I'm so sorry."

She squirmed uncomfortably in her bed and pulled the covers closer over her as his words reached her ear.

So that's what he wanted to talk about.

„I know I should have talked to you. I mean, we talk about everything, right? And for me to keep something like this from you was...wrong. And I know that. But I just wanted to protect you."

„Protect me?" She laughed in disbelief. „you would have protected me more by telling me straight up that you were still an addict instead of lying to me"

„Baby, I know, but-"

„No, you don't. You don't know anything, Rafe" Her voice grew firmer, bolder as she began to get fed up with his bullshit. „do you really think I would have just left you? That I wouldn't have tried to help you?"

He sighed heavily. „I didn't want you to help me."

„Oh, right, because you were afraid it would end like it did with Elena, weren't you?"

There was a sudden silence on the line. So quiet that she could clearly hear him straighten up. His sudden tension flowed through to her with the heavy breath that left him, and the fact that only Elena's name could trigger that worried her more than she wanted to.

„The Elena thing has nothing to do with what we have, Alice," Rafe said firmly.

„Oh, it doesn't?" She sat up in her bed, anger slowly taking over. „okay, so how do I know that one day you won't let me down like you let her down?"

„Because I won't." He claimed, causing her to shake her head, which he couldn't see.

„You think I'm just going to trust you with that?"

„Trust me, she's not you."

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. „what?"

„She. isn't. you." He spoke more firmly this time. „she's not you because I know what I did wrong and I won't do it again. I'm not going to let us end now. We're not finished and you know it. You need me as much as I need you"

Alice wasn't sure what he meant. She would probably never know, but the fact that he seemed so indifferent to what had happened with him and Elena made her uncomfortable.

But boys will be boys.

Breathing heavily, she wiped her forehead, trying to understand what the phone call had brought her so far, except the realization that he wasn't where she needed him to be to talk to him properly.

Sober, that is.

„Yes, Rafe, I do need you" She admitted. „but I need you sober, and until you can make that happen, we're over."

„I'll get clean, for you."

His words sounded almost broken. As if he was struggling to say them. Maybe because he wasn't sure he could do it.

But Alice hoped he could. Well, without her help, because first she had to dig herself out of the hole he had thrown her into.