and we forgave

Chapter 13

NESSIE

I haven't eaten anything, I repeat to myself. I haven't eaten anything.

I go through the whole evening in my head again. Mark and I came here and sat at our table. Someone took our order. A waiter returned. Only with our drinks. I didn't take even one sip from my lemonade. I was too focused on the conversation. I think even further. I've had some cookies before, but they couldn't be poisoned or too old. I made them myself today. I love baking. I always bake. I love it. For lunch I had a salad April made, again, nothing poisoned or too old there. And at breakfast my usual milk and Fruit Loops.

There is no way I am food poisoned.

But I clearly threw up.

Many times.

There's one more possibility...

No. I won't let myself believe it. It can't be. I haven't done it in a while. I'm on the pill. It can't be.

Then why did you throw up?

Maybe I am just starting to get sick. Maybe I am...

I forgot it. The pill. I forgot to take it a few times. Thought it was over. With Mark. And that no one would do it with me again. And I thought that. But I took the pill again. But that one time I forgot it. Twice. After I made out with Adam. I've been so sad and lost in my head I slept the whole day. Didn't wake up. And forgot to take it the next day.

But it couldn't be. It can't. It can not. I am not pregnant.

Am not pregnant.

What if you are?

No.

I swallow hard and take the bottle of water Max left me. I drink a bit from it then stand up, looking in the mirror. My eyes are red from crying. I feel like crying again.

I am...Not. Pregnant.

I am not.

There is no way.

I let the sink run and try to think of a plan. I meanwhile look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are faded red. I laugh at the fact I got used to the view. My dress is messy. I smell bad. My hair is messy too.

I need a plan.

I can't go back to Mark. I can't.

I need to know-

I need to know the truth first.

I take a deep breath and wash my face. I spend extra time on the eyes. I wash until the red is faded away so deep, it can't be seen anymore.

I need a plan.

How do I call off this date?

I need a plan.

I just stroll out of the bathroom.

I can feel how Max and Carla look at me. I give them a nod and thank them with my look. I don't stop walking until I reach our table. Mark was looking at his phone. As he looks up at me, he gasps.

"Are you alright? Did you cry?", he asks.

I threw my guts out in the toilet seconds ago.

"Yes", I say. "April called me", I lie. Another lie. "They need me back home. Nini fell and we think she broke her foot. They had to go to the hospital. They're back home now but I need to go check on them. See if she's okay."

"Oh, okay", he replies, biting it. "What about our date?" What about it?

"I am so sorry, Mark", I say. "I really am. But I really have to check on Nini. She's my best friend."

"I am your boyfriend", he mumbles.

"Mark", I cut him short. I can't do this anymore. I need to know if there is a child growing inside me or not. "Mark, please. We can go out tomorrow again. If Nini's foot healed. I really have to go there and be there for her."

"Caden is already there", he mumbles once more.

I might throw up again.

I can feel my stomach turning.

"Mark, please. Just this once. I need to be there for them."

"Alright", he replies after a while. "I'll stay here and pay."

"Thanks", I answer and give him a fake polite smile. I want to go but he grabs my wrist and brings me closer to him to kiss him.

I chuckle, a fake one, and walk outside the restaurant. I stop at the first pharmacy I find and buy some tests.

Which will probably be negative.

The woman at the counter gives me a happy look as she sees what I am buying. Probably expects I'll run home to my boyfriend or husband, that I'll do the test and if it's positive, I'll shout of joy and go hug him. That he'll give me flowers and that he'll tell me how damn lucky he is I am the one carrying his child.

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

I pay for the tests and don't know what to do with them. I can't just walk with that box around town. I see a poster on a wall saying that if I buy two sunscreens, I'll get an extra beach bag for free. So I walk out of that pharmacy with two sunscreens I have not the slightest clue what I'll do with them, some pregnancy tests I don't want anything to do with them and a beach bag to cover up the latest.

I almost reached my dorm room and it's cold and I almost puke again as I realize one thing.

Mark didn't ask me if I need a ride home.