and we forgave

Chapter 41

NESSIE

"Don't you think we made a bit too many cookies?", Adam asks me, looking at the many trays filled with Christmas cookies on the kitchen table. I am quick to shake my head and go back to cutting more cookies from the dough rolled in front of me.

"You can never have too many cookies", I tell him. He smiles and after quickly brushing a kiss on my lips, he steals one of the cookies from the trays.

"Hey", I say, softly hitting him in the ribcage. "You were supposed to wait until everybody is here so that we can decorate them." We agreed with our friends to decorate the cookies together when they all arrive here tomorrow. Soph and Alec can't sadly make it in time, but we already promised to save some cookies for them. April even offered to make them some Barbie and Ken ones. That resulted two texts filled with emojis. Soph, sending us more than ten emojis of kisses and hearts. And Alec sending us a swearing emoji, a knife and a middle finger. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry", Adam says, still munching on his cookie. "Couldn't help it. They are so good."

"I'll take that as a compliment and let you be", I add. It's then I notice my mistake. Adam steals another cookie. "Just that once", I let out trying to fake being annoyed when I am in fact amused. The view is too cute. Adam in his sweater, crumbs around his mouth, looking guilty at me.

"They really are good", he adds and comes back next to me to help me cut some more dough into forms. After a while of silence, he asks me: "Where did you learn to bake like that?"

"My Mom", I answer, not even knowing where I found the strength to talk about her with him. I never talk about my parents with anyone. But something about him makes me want to tell him. "She and Dad would always have this huge party before Christmas in which we would invite some friends over and bake cookies. It was my favorite time of the year."

Adam swallows hard and takes my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze: "I am sorry, Nessie."

He knows. I told him that my parents died before our wedding. He asked me whether we need to send out some invitations to my family and I told him I had no relatives left. He cried for me that day and held me in a hug until I stopped crying myself.

"It's not your fault", I let out. "I sometimes wonder if they would be proud of me if they saw me now. I know they would be happy for me. All they ever wanted was to see me happy and I know I am. I am married to the most amazing guy on this planet and am waiting to start a family with him. So they would be happy. But I wonder if they would be proud of me. Or if they would be disappointed. I made some mistakes. I kept on lying to everybody for months. I wonder what they would think of their little girl now."

Adam leaves the cookie cutters on the table and comes give me a hug. "They would be proud, Nessie. They are proud. And I thank them for bringing this amazing person into this world. I thank them daily for giving me the love of my life. You are the most amazing person. You really are. You are kind, and smart, and you are there for everyone. You would give everything to help the ones you love and keep them safe. I am sure that your parents are proud of you, love."

I lose it and sink my head into his chest, letting him pull me even closer. "I miss them."

"They miss you too", he tells me. "But I am sure that they're looking over you from the stars. That they are with you for every step you make. I am sure they smile as they see you smile. For I can swear that the stars shine a little brighter when you smile."

I look up at him and he kisses my forehead. I sink my head back into his chest and keep crying. "Thank you", I whisper. He brushes my hair now in a soothing rhythm, helping me take some deep breaths. "Thank you", I repeat. "I am sure they would have loved you. They would have loved you and they would have loved their grandchild."

He kisses my head again and lets me cry in his arms for hours. I don't remember when was last time anyone ever let me do it.