and we forgave

Chapter 14

NESSIE

Two lines. There are two lines on that test. Not one.

I'm...

Pregnant. I am pregnant.

I am on the floor of the bathroom, my back against the bathtub, staring at the five tests in a line on the floor. For I didn't do just one. I did five. All positive. All in front of me now, showing me how bad I screwed up.

I am pregnant.

And I have no fucking clue what to do.

I know damn well it is not Mark's baby. It can't be. It's simple maths. Maths may not be my subject, but I understand that if you didn't get laid with a man in over ten months, there is no way you'll get pregnant from him. And I understand that if you did get laid with another man and forget to take the pill, that damn pill, that you'll in fact get pregnant.

It is Adam's baby.

My baby.

Our child.

I want to sink deeper.

I don't know what to do. I can't tell him. I won't. Adam doesn't want to hear from me. Hearing I am carrying his child won't come easy for him.

Fuck it, it doesn't come easy for me too.

I don't know what to do. I'm twenty, still in college, living on the inheritance my parents left me after they died in a car accident that turned my life into a nightmare. I have no other relatives; I live in a dorm room. How will I take care of this child? For even though I just heard about it, I know I don't want to lose my baby. Even if Adam might not want a child with me or if Mark will break up with me for being pregnant with another man, this is my baby.

My baby...

It still feels odd to say it.

I never thought I'd say it. I mean, I did think I'll say it. Somewhen in the far-away future. Not now.

Someone knocks at the door. But doesn't knock, bangs. Full-time bangs.

"Nessie, what the heck?!", April shouts. "You've been in there for thirty minutes. Are you alright?"

I am not alright. I just found out I am pregnant.

"NESSIE", she yells again.

I guess April is the only one here. It's not like I paid attention as I rushed inside our dorm room and straight into the bathroom. I couldn't think of anything else.

"Nessie, I swear, if you don't open this damn door and show me you're okay, I'll crack it open", she threatens.

"It's a freaking bathroom, April", I say, trying to get her not to come in. She would see the tests and find out I'm pregnant. "You can't just crack the door to the bathroom open. What if I am naked?"

"For freaking thirty minutes?", she asks me skeptical. "What if you're hurt? I trust Mark as far as I can throw him in the ocean. What if he hurt you?" She is still suffering, I notice. April was there the night Leo hurt Dia. She was the one who took her out of that house. She and Noah. The one that had to see Dia bleed and cry. See Dia break.

"I am not hurt", I counter. She doesn't believe me.

"Then open the door or I will break it", April lets out again.

I sigh hard as she begins to bang in the wood again. I know what will happen. She'll find out. And then all my other besties will find out.

And then it will all be real.