Nightwing: Heartache

Part 37: Awake

December 23, 7:23am
Gotham City

Dick woke up to his phone going off. It was just one text from Barbara:

J awake. Come now.

He practically rolled out of bed and hit the ground running. He pulled a sweatshirt and sneakers on and raced to the nearest zeta tube. Of course Jason would wake up the one morning Dick isn't there at 5am.

Every muscle in Dick's body was tense. He prepared himself for the worst, because he had no idea what kind of shape Jason woke up in. None of them did. M'gann tried to tamp down their hopes, expectations, so Dick prepared himself for every scenario. He relaxed his body, took a few calming breaths. The last thing he wanted was to overwhelm the kid, especially if he had no memories, or he thought he was captured by the enemy.

When the elevator doors opened to the infirmary, all Dick heard was silence.

When he pushed the doors to the infirmary open, all he heard was his heart cracking.

Jason sat on the hospital bed, his knees tucked to his chest and his hands clutching his head. He was slowly rocking back and forth. Barbara was at his side, looking like she wanted to touch him, comfort him, but held back. Bruce and Alfred were standing at the foot of the bed. Alfred's face was pained, Bruce's was closed off. Dick imagined Bruce had to wear a mask now so he didn't fall apart.

They all looked up when Dick came in, everyone except Jason.

"Jason, talk to us," Bruce said, his attention back on his second son.

"This can't... this can't be happening..." Jason muttered. "You... me..."

Barbara looked back at Bruce, hoping he had some answers, but no one knew what Jason was saying, or trying to say.

"J?" Dick asked tentatively.

Jason looked up. His hair was longer than the last time Dick had seen him. Straglier, it fell in his face, stuck to his forehead. His face was thinner than it should be, but the biggest difference was his eyes. They were haunted, full of fear, but when he looked at Dick, recognition entered them. "D-Dick?"

"Hey," Dick dropped into the chair beside him, "hey, kid."

Jason looked at Bruce. Then Alfred. Then Barbara. "I'm back."

It was like everyone exhaled. "He's been going in and out of," Barbara explained to Dick, "whether he remembers us or not."

Jason squeezed his eyes shut, "don't make me go back."

"Never." Bruce's voice could cut steel. "We will never send you back to the League of Shadows."

"League of Shadows..." Jason's voice was dreamlike, as if he almost fell back into who he was with them. "That's right. They took me. They took me from..." his eyes widened and he looked furiously between all of them.

"Deep breaths, J," Dick said calmly, trying to stop the kid from hyperventilating.

Jason looked at his hands. Then he touched his face. "I remember..."

"Give it time, son," Bruce said gently, "Miss Martian did her best to restore your memory, but she warned there might be gaps. It'll take time to readjust."

Jason gripped his head again and grimaced. "Ugh, it's all coming back so slowly."

Dick hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. He didn't want to spook Jason, but he felt like he needed to offer some comfort.

"Doesn't make sense," Jason rambled, his eyes still squeezed shut, "how did I get to the League? I was with..." Jason's eyes snapped open and locked on Bruce. "I was with the Joker."

The air turned cold.

"I was with the Joker," Jason said again, "I was with the Joker." He looked at each of them, like he was silently begging them to correct him, praying that the memories filtering back in were wrong. "He... he..." the desperation left his voice. Jason balled his hands into fists. "He killed me." He looked up slowly at Bruce. "He killed me, didn't he? The building exploded."

Bruce gave a sharp nod.

"I died."

"Yes." Bruce was watching Jason carefully. They all were. Even before, Jason was never the most emotionally stable. "I was too late to save you."

"We tried," Barbara added. "We were all coming as fast as we could. But it wasn't enough."

Jason set his jaw, some of his shock turning to anger, "the Joker killed me and the League of Shadows brought me back. They turned me into a murderer for years and all of you were, what? Thinking about how you tried to save me?"

"We didn't know, Jason," Dick said neutrally. "If we did-"

"-If you did, then what?" Jason snapped, "because from where I'm sitting, it doesn't look like you tried very hard."

No one corrected him.

"We are all so sorry," Alfred finally piped up. His eyes were glassy.

Jason's face softened for a fraction of a second but then he turned away. When he looked up again, his face was twisting with anger. "True or false: you let me die."

A pause. "True," Bruce answered.

"True or false: you let the League of Shadows turn me into one of their weapons."

"True."

"True or false: the Joker is still alive."

A longer pause. "True." Bruce's mask was cracking.

"He murdered me, and you let him walk away?!" Jason roared.

They all jumped back a bit at the outburst.

Barbara grabbed his hand, "Jason, revenge isn't-"

"-don't give me that bullshit, Barbara! The Joker is a monster. And he," Jason pointed at Bruce, "always talked about how we were a family. Well, your family died, and he did nothing!"

"Jason," Dick's voice pulled Jason's attention, "it's not Bruce's fault. You know I was the one who let you go. We were together that night, and when you went off to find the Joker, I let you go alone."

Jason's mask of anger splintered into equal parts rage, sadness, and pain. "Don't do that Dick, don't protect him, like you always do." Jason sneered at Bruce, "maybe that's why you're his favorite though." He looked away, "if Dick was the one who died, we all know the Joker would be dead right now."

Bruce shook his head. "No, that's not true. The Joker is alive, but he is locked in Arkham." When Bruce made to sit on the bed, Jason flinched. Bruce took a step back, hands raised. "When you died -when the Joker took you from me- it was the worst pain I have ever felt. It shattered all of us. And if any of us thought, even for a second, that you weren't in your grave, we would've raised hell to get you back."

Barbara took his hand again, "we are so sorry, Jason. We all failed you."

"But we're here now," Alfred offered with a small smile. "You're back."

Dick squeezed his shoulder. "They will never hurt you again."

Jason shrugged them all off, "you're all a bunch of liars."

"No, Jason-" Barbara tried but Jason clutched his head again.

"You promised you'd keep me safe! You promised we'd be a family! Family doesn't let family get murdered and let the killer go!" Jason's voice rose with his anger. When no one said anything, Jason ducked his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "Get out! All of you!"

Bruce reached forward, "you shouldn't be alone-"

"-I SAID GET OUT! Get out! Get out!"

They all took a step backwards and headed to the door. Alfred placed a comforting hand on Bruce's back on the way out. Bruce's hands were balled into fists, and Barbara just watched Jason sadly as she wheeled out of the room. Dick held the door. When Jason saw Barbara's wheelchair, his eyes widened just a fraction, a split second of guilt, shock, but Dick watched as he closed himself off, bottled it all up, and curled into a ball on his side.

"We're here when you need us," Dick said softly before closing the door.