Teenage Dirtbag

Ch 37: Suffering

Peyton pov:

It's been a couple days since that shitty day, Kenji and I are resorting to texting now and Fallon hasn't tried reaching out. Matt and Cam tried reaching out but I didn't want to speak with them, I wasn't ready.

Later that night the cops came and took my dad away, he got medical treatment because of a brain bleed from brunt force trauma. When he was stable they notified him that he was going to jail because I was pressing charges.

We were able to bring my mom home for bed rest yesterday. I didn't want to leave Demi alone but I couldn't stand to be in that house. I sent her money, hired a nurse to take care of my mom, and gave her anything else she needed.

I wanted to be there for both of them but I'm still angry. I'm angry at my father, I'm mad with my mother, I'm upset with Kenji, and I'm heartbroken with Fallon. It felt like everything was crumbling around me. The only thing I could look forward to was my band's upcoming tour.

Until I graduated next month I wouldn't have anything to be happy about. I'm suffering until then. It didn't help that I've been unbearably sober for the past couple days to make sure everything goes over smoothly with my sister and mom.

Currently I was picking my sister up from school. She got in the car and gave me a hug over the console. I drove us home but stopped to get her food on the way, listening to her quietly tell me about her day. When we got home I let her run off and go work on her homework.

Going in I head for my mom's room and see her sitting up slightly with a tried look. She was watching Grease with a small smile, it brought one to my face to see her. She looked exhausted but it was good to see her okay and not sleeping so much.

"Hey ma." I take the seat next to her bed and hang my head a little. I felt shame and regret plague me for the last couple of days.

"Hi honey." She reached a shaky hand over to me and lifted me head, brushing some hair from my face.

She cupped my cheek and looked at me with so much love and care. It made me feel bad, it made me feel terrible about everything from the last couple of days. I wanted to be better and to care about myself but I'm struggling to even find an ounce of love for myself.

"You look lost." She said quietly. I held the hand that cupped my cheek and nodded my head. She's right.

"I'm fucking up and I don't know what to do. I don't want help from anyone but I want it to be better. I don't know what to do anymore." I cried into her hand, trying to keep my voice even from the sobs.

She wiped my tears away and smiled at me, one that I hadn't seen in so long. She looked happy, free even, it broke me to see her like this. She pats my face with a kind and loving gaze, one that melted my heart.

"You're young. You won't have everything figured out, you probably won't be happy for a while but you should try. Take the help when offered, take the time to try, take the risks, Peyton. It'll make you happier." She spoke softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

She's right. I can tell from the look in her eye that she's speaking from experience. She never took the risk to leave my dad, never taking the help to stay away from him, she suffered and made us suffer with her. I don't want that, I don't want everyone around me to suffer because I'm suffering.

"Thanks mom." I smiled and nodded my head. I held her hand and watched the movie with her like I used to when I was a kid.

Eventually she fell asleep. I stood up and turned off the movie and kissed her temple before leaving. I went to see Demi and found her sleeping at her desk while doing homework. Grabbing a blanket I drape it over her and leave her be.