Mutinous

Chapter 16

Spring finally seemed to be on its way. It hadn't snowed for five days, and everything slowly seemed to melt. It wasn't a pretty sight, yet I was eager for the heat to arrive along with the new season.

Harry and I kept things to a minimum. We would kiss occasionally and talk throughout the day, but since he had been working a lot the past week, we hadn't seen each other apart from at school.

Jen had been excited when I had told her the news about Harry and I and so had Maggie. However, it was strange having both of them telling me to be careful. They were the ones who had tried pushing me in this direction, and maybe it was all happening too fast for them now. It all had happened quite fast, but our kisses were still kept to a minimum, and we hadn't even taken anything to the second level. So I promised myself and them that no matter how serious we got, I would always find time for them too.

"I wish you could come tonight," Harry said with a sad expression on his face. One of his friends were having a party that night. Unfortunately for me, there was no way I could come up with a lie to tell my parents to let me go out. My dear grandparents on my mum's side were visiting and there was no way I wasn't seeing them.

"You know, I can't," I said mimicking his facial expression.

"Yeah, I know, but it would be so much more fun if you could."

I gave him a smile. "Enjoy it with your friends and don't get too hammered. I'm still assuming you're coming to visit me tomorrow?" I asked hopefully. Mum, dad and Maggie were leaving for their trip tomorrow, which meant I would be by myself, well apart from Mia, but I had planned on giving her some time off. I knew it wasn't my place to do so, but she worked too much as it was.

"Of course. Wouldn't want to miss out on a chance of being with you."

"Good. Now we better get going. We don't want to be late again." I smiled at him.

"Last time it went really well."

"Only because you're incredibly smart. If not, I'm not sure we could have lied our way out of it." I gave him a smile. "You were worth it though," I said, and he leaned in to kiss my lips softly before we both headed for class.

-

I sat with Jen at lunch talking about what was going to happen tomorrow once Harry came over for the first time.

"You aren't going to do anything?" She narrowed her eyes at me clearly finding my words hard to believe.

"No. I want it to go slow. Do you think he'll expect something to happen?" I wondered out loud having not thought about it until then. What if he was expecting me to sleep with him? I knew I wasn't ready for that. I needed to get to know him better first, but I wasn't sure how he felt.

"He's a guy. He's older. Most likely experienced. You're smart, El. You do the math."

The thought honestly scared me. It wasn't so much about whether or not it would hurt, even if I had always wondered that about my first time, but being completely naked in front of him was terrifying me. No guy had ever seen me naked and even if I wanted Harry to be the person to do so, I didn't think that tomorrow would be the day. He might have found me pretty with my clothes on. But without any, it might be a whole different story. My thighs and hips were too big and my breasts were a small B cup. Clearly, I did not have something that would have any guy drooling over me, and my bum was also not something I was too happy about.

"El are you okay?" Jen sounded worried, and I shook my head.

"I'm not ready for that," I spoke honestly. I also had cellulite I thought to myself. I suddenly felt very self conscious and completely uncomfortable in my own skin. Jen said it herself, Harry was most likely experienced. Something I clearly wasn't, and I was afraid what that would mean if Harry and I ever went that far. I wouldn't know what to do and being compared to other prettier and more experienced girls was not something I liked to think about, but unfortunately that was most likely what would happen. Even if the rational part of me knew that Harry wouldn't put any thought into my cellulite, the irrational part of me was focusing on all the wrong things.