Questions And Answers...

Help Me Forget

S7 E6/7

Requested by Em.
What happened in the hours and days after Benny Severide died? Did Kelly let Stella into his grief, or did he leave her standing on the outside?

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An emergency room could be a world on it's own couldn't it? The noise, the activity, the people.... it just all goes on around you. A world where, despite all the dozens of people, one could be extraordinarily desolate in it, where each person in each bed had no idea about the person in the next cubicle and who was in it or why.

But in this particular cubicle, lay Benny Severide. Former batallion chief. His father. Lifeless on the gurney, a sheet covering him to his chin, his thick grey hair swept back to one side, and for once in his life, he was silent. Except there was no more life, and that's what started the tremble in his son's hands, fists clenched by side side, his eyes filled with unshed tears. Tears that had accumulated over a lifetime.

He was numb... you know...that feeling of nothing, a weightless emptiness. He stood motionless by the side of the bed, not quite knowing what should happen next. The monitors by the bed were silent, unlike the world outside the cubicle.

Stella stood watching him from the side of the small space, feeling hopelessly helpless but desperately wanting to do something, anything that would help him right now but too uncertain to impose or intrude on his grief yet too in love with him to leave him to his own despair. Endless moments stood waiting patiently for him to give her some sign that he needed her, moments when the loss of her own parents came home to remind her all too well about the grief that came with this loss, no matter how troubled the relationship had been.

When eventually she silently stepped nearer to him and slipped her hand inside his, he looked at her with a bleakness that sucked the air from her lungs. His blue eyes had turned to a light gray, the color of a rainy day when everything seemed pointless, and she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sadness for him.

"Have you spoken to your mom?" She asked softly.

"Yeah. She's gonna fly in tomorrow." Even his voice sounded flat.

"Do you wanna go home?"

Kelly looked at her vacantly. Over the years, he had seen a lot of loss, and yeah, he had learnt to deal with it. It never came easy, but in time, you learned to handle it. Except when it was someone that was a part of the fabric of your life. Like Andy.....Shay...Anna.....and now Benny. His throat felt tight, and he ran an agitated finger around his neck as if that would somehow help.

"Kelly?"

" I.. I thought I'd go to the Chapel... maybe... "

Stella was surprised but didn't show it. Kelly had never shown any real interest in the church, but of course, his mom was heavily involved. Instead, she nodded.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No..... thanks." Again, she nodded and sensed a space between them, a little flutter of forboding flying around her stomach.

"I'll go to Hermann's. Do you think you'll make it over?"

The rest of the shift had congregated at Med earlier to offer their support to their Squad Lieutenant but had since left to gather at Hermann's at Kelly's own request.

"I'll try. But tell them not to wait around for me all night."

"Okay."
Stella rubbed his arm and had the impression that Kelly was going through the motions, his responses perfunctory but not really registering with him.