fade to black | james hetfield [1]

seven

chapter seven: trust? 

James sat in the passenger seat of her car as Iris listened intently to the directions he was giving to drive to his apartment. 

He was located in a nearby town, having to take the highway to get there. Driving into the town itself, it looked to be a lot more livelier than where Iris was. It almost felt foreign to her and it was only a few miles away.

Stepping inside James's apartment, she could see the numerous guitars and amps he had taking up space in the corner of his living room. There wasn't much space left with the TV and couch.

Iris sat on the couch and James turned on the TV, watching whatever was on. It was a mindless sitcom, the laugh track making up for most of the sound in the room. 

While still watching the show, Iris's eyes couldn't help but wander to the guitars that leaned against the wall. She always wanted to learn how to play an instrument, but she was never any good. 

James noticed her looking at the guitars and spoke up. "Do you know how to play?" He asked, the sound of the sitcom laugh track now fading into the background. 

Iris chuckled a bit. "I've tried to learn how to play, but I've never been good at it." She explained, her eyes still admiring how unique his guitars looked.

"Well, you have to be good at something," James mentioned. He looked over at her, waiting for an answer.

Iris originally wasn't going to answer his question, but she had to remind herself that there was no harm in doing so. "...I'm good at art, I guess."

James sat up now, suddenly interested in the revelation. "What? You're an artist? How come you've never said anything?!" James shouted.

Iris laughed a bit, shrugging. "I don't know, most people don't really care..." Her voice drifted off and that familiar feeling of loneliness came back again.

James could see the look on her face. All the emotion suddenly drained from her face, nothing but emptiness behind her eyes. Even the littlest things were a constant reminder of how lonely she was. 

The silence came again and Iris struggled to decide whether or not she wanted James to know about why she was like this. He wasn't going to let it go anyways.

"You know James, where I'm from, people don't like me," She spoke quietly, staring down at the floor. "I don't know what I did for that to happen, but all my life I've been stepped on and it came to a point where I decided I couldn't let anyone in anymore,"

James didn't bother to say anything, simply wanting to listen. She needed someone to listen, and this was the one chance where she could finally get someone to hear what she had to say.

"I've been on my own for a long time and people could care less if I was to die tomorrow. It hurts to be stared at or ignored like you're some kind of outsider," She felt tears welling up in her eyes, the frustration getting to her. 

"Not to mention the time my so-called 'friends' started spreading the word about things I told them in private just to spite me. After that, it all went downhill," Her voice wavered.

She sounded like a cursed soul. Someone who was doomed to deal with these personal demons from the second she was born.

"All this time, I've wanted to run away from home and forget this stupid place, but I just can't," She buried her face in her hands, taking a deep breath. "There's so much holding me back, and it feels like I'm surrounded by an endless cycle of negativity," She sighs.

"That is why I tried so hard to push you away from the start. I didn't want to deal with getting my trust broken again," She blinked the tears away before they could fall. "I don't know how much longer I can take this." She whispered to herself. 

He realized now that her attitude toward him was a defense mechanism from the start. Now that she had come clean with her true feelings, he understood why she always put her walls up.

It was interesting because now James felt like he could never leave her alone, but he didn't want to leave her alone. He didn't want to give up on her. He wanted to prove to her that things could get better.

They sat in silence, the somber look on James's face and Iris's empty expression staring at the blank wall in front of her. They both didn't know what would be the right or wrong thing to say, but 

She buried her face in her hands once again, her shoulders slumping. "You're a much better person than I am, James." Iris whispered, unaware of what his reaction might be.

Iris didn't know it, but James knew that was not true. He had his own demons too, but he knew how to keep it to himself. He would prefer it to stay that way.

"Listen Iris. I know your pain, it's not easy," He sighed deeply. "I won't act like I'm this perfect person, but sometimes the whole world is against me too."

Iris listened to what he said and looked up, sadness on her face. Suddenly, there was a sinking feeling present in her stomach. 

All this time, she was worrying about nobody else but herself. She never stopped to question what he might be going through.