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twenty eight

chapter twenty eight: panic attack

Iris received the letter James had sent her, which came as a surprise when she saw it come in the mail. He didn't look like the type to do that, but she appreciated the gesture.

She laughed at the thought of him doing this in the first place. It felt like that scene in the movies when the guy who was longing for the girl would write this long romantic essay, giving her a promise he would do anything to keep. 

As Iris read the letter, she laughed at some parts and felt bad at other parts. He practically filled up the whole page, and it was everything that he wanted to say to her and more. There was no doubt he was probably going to say it again when he saw her.

But as she got to the end of the letter, the smile that was on her face disappeared almost completely.

She felt her heart drop into her stomach as she read the last part. Even though she knew that James was going to be coming to see her soon, she didn't think it was going to be in just "a couple of days."

"We're going to be stopping at one of the towns near you in a couple of days. I'll have enough time to finally come back and see you, just like old times."

A couple of days could mean anything. Was it going to be this weekend? Was it going to be later on in the week? Was it going to be a couple of weeks? There was no specific time frame. 

Iris was happy to hear that he was coming, but now she started to become afraid. There were so many things that could happen out of him coming back and it made her feel uneasy. 

If she was being honest, she had always been afraid of James. He was different from everyone else Iris encountered, and he made her feel things she didn't think she was capable of feeling for that matter.

She couldn't help but think back to the words that were said, the pain she felt in his absence, the heartbreak she suffered weeks ago. She didn't want to throw all of that away just for it to happen again. 

Her mind was filled with doubt and anxiety. There were so many questions that were still left unanswered, so many things that she wished she could've done. It shouldn't have taken this long.

What if he decided to leave again? What if they got into another bad argument? What if he never even showed up and this was all a sick joke?

No one mattered to Iris more than James at this point. He showed her everything she could've ever wanted, even if it hurt sometimes. There was no one else that she had trusted more than him.

Iris took a deep breath as she tried to calm herself down. She was on the verge of a panic attack just thinking about it and she knew she shouldn't get so worked up about something so minor.

In hindsight, this could've all been avoided if she had just never given him her attention that first night they met at the bar. Life would be a lot different had she never given him the chance. 

She thought about what could've been had James never set foot in the bar that night. She would probably be in the same place she was now, but less happier. 

It was weird for Iris to think about a life where she wouldn't even know that James existed. They were joined at the hip from that day on and he didn't ever want to let her go. 

Once Iris began to get a clear head again, she tried to look at the positive. There was still looming doubt pulling at her, but she tried to ignore it.

After all these months of suffering on her own, she was going to see her savior again. Iris would never tell him that she thought of him that way, but that was how she saw him. Maybe even more than that.

No one had bothered to care for her all these years, and almost at what she thought was going to be the premature end of her life, he suddenly appeared. That wasn't a coincidence. 

Iris waited patiently for James with every passing day. She couldn't wait to just hug him, kiss him, and be held in his arms again. His presence had become a source of comfort for her, especially in her darkest days.