fade to black | james hetfield [1]

thirty

chapter thirty: misguided ghosts

As James entered Iris's apartment, the memories of when Iris would spend the night at his apartment came flooding back almost right away. 

Even though he had never been inside her apartment up until now, he was sure tonight would end like any night they spent together. He was okay with that, he just wanted to be with her.

They sat beside each other on her couch in silence, a small gap separating them from being closer to each other. Even though they wanted to be closer to each other, neither person moved.

There was so much to be said, and yet, neither of them knew how to bring it up. The silence wasn't a bad thing, it was just a moment for them to both process how much had happened over the last couple of days.

James cleared his throat and looked at Iris, offering to break the silence first. "I just want to say that I'm sorry again, Iris," He spoke quietly. "For everything."

Iris felt horrible that he felt like he had to beg for her forgiveness. In her mind, it wasn't worth it to go to this extreme. "You don't have to keep apologizing, James." She tried to reassure him. 

"I know, but I feel like it's never enough," He replied. "Can't you force me to take you out to dinner or something so I can prove I'm really sorry?" He asked with a bit of a smirk.

She laughed a bit at his request. "I'm not interested in going out somewhere James," She said with a slight smile. "Besides, I just want to be here with you." She said, gently taking his hand into hers. 

She wasn't into going on expensive dates or doing things like that anyway. She was fine with doing nothing, as long as he was there. 

"I thought you would've been gone for good," Iris explained. "If someone said all these things about me, I wouldn't want to be around them anymore either." She looked down, feeling guilty.

He sighed deeply. "You don't know how much I worried about you," He said, thinking back to those days when he was so worried about her wellbeing. "I was so scared something bad was going to happen and I wouldn't be there." 

There was a long moment of silence after James said that. He didn't bother to say anything else, he could sense that was extremely sensitive for her to talk about, so he didn't push it. All he could do was be grateful that she was still here.

Iris decided to speak up and ask the question that had been on her mind for the longest. "Why did you decide to come back after everything...?" Iris asks.

James didn't answer for a minute. What he said to her and what she said to him still lingered in his mind. They both spoke from a place of their deepest insecurities and it made them take it out on each other.

James held back from making another apology as he thought about the last thing he said to her. The one that did her in and caused the most of her pain. "Do you really want to know the truth?"

Once James said that, Iris anticipated the worst. He wouldn't have given a warning if there wasn't anything bad coming after it. Iris reluctantly nodded her head, waiting for his response.

With bated breath, James answered. "I love you."

Oh.

Of all the things she was expecting to hear, it wasn't that. Not that she didn't like it, but it wasn't something she was used to hearing so often. 

"You...love me?" Iris had to make sure she wasn't hearing things. Love was a strong word.

James felt like an idiot. He knew it wasn't the right time to say it, but he meant what he said. He loved her, and he wanted her to know that. "You don't have to say it back if you don't want to."

Iris shook her head. "No, I'm just..." She felt her cheeks heating up as she thought about it. "No one's ever told me that before."

James felt for her. "Well let me be the first to say it then," He said, coming closer for her to hear him again. "I love you, Iris." 

Iris felt her cheeks heat up when he said it again. The smile that formed on her face was a rare sight, and she couldn't hide it from him anymore. 

"I love you too, James." She whispered against his lips, leaning in to kiss him softly. 

After their conversation, Iris turned on the TV and James wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling her close. Iris curled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. She always felt safe in his embrace.

The emotional toll of the day eventually started to wear down on them, and before they knew it,  they had fallen asleep in each other's arms, just like the old days.