fade to black | james hetfield [1]

thirty one

chapter thirty one: fast car

As much as he wanted to stay with her forever, their reunion wasn't going to last long and he had to remind her that his visit was temporary.

When he woke up the next morning, he remembered that he had a show to perform with the band that night. Even though he was excited, it also meant that once it was over, he would have to leave to head to the next city.

He didn't want to bring this up to her after they had a perfect night in, but he had to say it eventually.

Later on in the day, James decided to approach Iris about the situation, trying to be as gentle as he could with her. "We have a show later on tonight." He said, treading lightly.

Iris raised an eyebrow. "That's today? Already?" She asked, a bit surprised to hear just how fast things were moving. His presence was making her lose track of how much time they were spending together. 

"Yeah, but it won't be far," James said. He paused before he had to say the inevitable, taking a deep breath before blurting it out. "But that means I have to leave the next morning."

Iris stopped what she was doing and looked at him. "The next morning as in tomorrow morning?"

James didn't want to tell her the truth, but he nodded his head. "Yeah," He answered quietly, looking down at his feet. "It's not in my control."

She didn't want to hear the excuses. She just got him back and now he was going to disappear again? That wasn't fair. It felt like a punch in the gut.

Iris narrowed her eyes at him. "You should have never come then," She spat, turning away from him. "You just came here to give me false hope."

He didn't want this to happen again. He didn't want her to get angry at him and walk away. "I came back to show you I was sorry, it's better than not saying anything at all." He explained.

"Yeah, but you're going to leave already?" Iris asked, tears already beginning to form in her eyes. "If you don't want to be with me anymore, then say that instead of lying to me." 

He didn't get why it was so difficult to try and change her mind about these things, he never had it out for her. "I'm leaving because I want to follow my dreams. This is what I have to do," He sighed.

Iris laughed dryly and rolled her eyes at him. She tried her best to hold back her tears, she wasn't going to start crying over him again. 

"Iris, I'm telling you the truth. I don't want to leave you ever again," A part of what he was saying right now was what he had been dying to say since he left the first time. "If I had it my way, I wouldn't go. You mean everything to me." He said softly.

James wasn't going to let his anger get the best of him this time. He could tell Iris was back in that dark place again, her insecurities trying to convince her that this wasn't going to end well. 

"I'm not going to let you push me away again," James explained. "Why can't you see that I'm not like everyone else? I care about you a lot, Iris. You're worth the effort." 

She whipped her head to face him. "Don't even say that! All you do is leave whenever you feel like it, just like—" Iris stopped herself.

He told her she was worth the effort. And yet here she was, attacking him for something that was out of his control. Iris knew how much this meant to James, and she should be happy for him. 

James understood her frustrations and he didn't blame her. It was obvious that she was still hurting from the first time around, but he wasn't going to do this to her again.

"Iris," He whispered. "You know if I could stay, I would." He reminded her. He felt like the worst person in the world right now. 

He was right, but she didn't want him to leave so soon. The fear of not knowing when he would come back or what would happen in his absence was killing her inside. 

She shakes her head, sighing. "It's not your fault, James," She sat down on the couch, staring at the floor. "I know you want to follow your dreams, and I can't stop you."

"How long will you be gone?" She asked, her voice filled with sadness now. Iris felt so stupid for letting her emotions get the best of her again. 

James sighed. "To be honest with you, I don't know. It's just a few more weeks but," He explained. "Things change."

Iris felt her heart sink into her stomach when he said that. There was so much that could happen during all that time, and she wasn't ready to say goodbye yet.

James could tell she was starting to become overwhelmed by that fact and sat beside her. "Iris, don't worry, okay?" He said, wrapping a reassuring arm around her shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise."