fade to black | james hetfield [1]

seventeen

chapter seventeen: as your nightmare comes to life

tw: self-harm, blood

James shot out of his bed again, breathing heavily and covered in sweat as he woke up from another nightmare. It was the same nightmare that he always had, more violent and vivid than before.

Rather than finding Iris crying, he now found her trembling and whimpering from the lesions that were marked on her wrists. When she would turn to James, she always asked the same question.

"Why'd you do this to me, James?" She spoke weakly, echoing throughout James's mind like a haunting melody.

He knew that this was no coincidence, his mind was taunting him for the guilt he secretly felt. He couldn't help but worry about Iris with the nightmare fresh in his mind. 

However, Iris wasn't his problem anymore. He didn't want to talk to her, he didn't want to see her, and he had no plans to ever apologize to her.

He got out of bed, looking towards the day he had ahead of him. He had another recording session with the band that he had to get ready for. He hoped it would act as a distraction from what happened over the past couple of days.

The band didn't notice anything different with James, he was acting as if nothing had happened. It wasn't until they decided to take a break from recording that they realized something wasn't right.

Lars brought something up that James had completely forgotten about. "James, are you still coming up to the cabin this weekend?" Lars asked.

For weeks they were discussing a road trip to a cabin that Kirk's cousin owned. He offered it to them and they all planned to take a trip up one weekend. James completely forgot that they were going this weekend.

"Yeah, I'm still going," He sighed, hoping the trip would act as another distraction. "Is it going to be just us or are other people coming?" James asked.

Cliff laughed when he heard James ask the question. "I invited the girls to come with us, so yeah, you can bring Iris if you want." He smirked.

James didn't react to what he said, not wanting to tell them about what happened. He felt even worse because he did plan on asking Iris a while back, but now, he had plans to ask someone else.

He shook his head. "Maybe I'll ask Alice. She's always down to do something." James said nonchalantly as he stood up to get a beer.

The three of them didn't know what to say for a minute, taken back by James's response. They all knew who Alice was and thought that was something that was long over. Especially with Iris around. 

Lars' brows furrowed, clearly not impressed with the revelation. "Alice? Your crazy ex-girlfriend from high school?" He crossed his arms.

"She wasn't my girlfriend," James rolled his eyes. "I bumped into her, we started talking again, what's the problem with that?" James asked.

"There's no problem," Cliff sighs, not saying anything for a minute. "But what about Iris?" He asks, a hopeful tone in his voice.

James shrugged. "What about her?"

The rest of the band had wide eyes, both surprised and confused about his response. For him to suddenly become so cold when they mentioned her came as a shock.

They all knew Alice from high school and they didn't exactly have a good impression of her, which was partially the reason why they liked Iris a lot more.

She wasn't as invasive or controlling like Alice was. There were times when she would get angry at James for hanging out with the band rather than her.

James wasn't going to let them ask any more questions about the situation. He came here to get a distraction from Iris, not think about her. "So what time are we leaving?" He asks, changing the subject.

"Uh...At two o'clock..." Kirk replies awkwardly, still shocked by James's attitude along with the rest of the band. Kirk glanced at Lars and Cliff, a look of uncertainty on their faces.

There was a long silence between the four of them. They wanted to ask James if everything was okay, but they didn't want to set him off. James wasn't going to answer anyway.

"Hey, are you guys hungry? I'm gonna order some pizza." James asked, still wanting to move on from the conversation. The guys muttered in agreement, trying to hide their true feelings.

Kirk sighed sadly once James left the room. "I'm gonna miss Iris, she was cool." He muttered to himself.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm gonna ask him what happened," Lars shrugged.

Cliff shook his head. "It's none of our business. Besides, Alice isn't so bad, right?" He said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Bullshit!" Lars shouted. "I'm going to ask him because now she's going to ruin this entire trip." He complained.

Cliff rolled his eyes. "You're delusional if you think James is gonna tell us." Cliff replied.

As the three of them argued whether or not they should approach him about it, James came back into the room. They all went silent once he came in and James found it suspicious. 

They all stared at each other, trying to see who would be the first to break the ice. Nobody wanted to ask James any questions and nobody wanted to tell him what they were just talking about.

James spoke up. "Did I miss something? Why are you guys so quiet?" He asks.

"No reason." Kirk replied, making James even more skeptical. Cliff and Lars didn't say much either, simply glaring at each other.

They didn't bother touching on the subject for the rest of the day, deciding to approach him about it another time.