Breaking Out // Gahmi

Twenty-Eight

Gahyeon Pov

All week long Dami's words echoed in my head, repeating themself again and again. And the worst part is that I know that they are true. She has all the right in the world to be mad. I've been treating her badly all this time and still she gave me the light of day, just for me to keep treating her that way. And there is no excuse for that, I know that too. But I still kept doing it. Because I'm not strong enough to defy my parents and their ideals for my life. Because I'm not brave enough to stand my ground against Handong and her shenanigans. Because I'm too scared to say what I mean, what I feel, and yet somehow end up craving Damis attention. Just because I know I deserved it, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

All of this sounds so wrong. It sounds like I'm just moping about pretty much everything going on in my life without doing anything about it.I really wish I could go back in time and not even get into this mess to begin with. Or maybe live in another dimension, where my parents aren't politicians and students are nice to each other and everyone can just do their own thing. I wish I could change things. I wish I could get out of this hole I've been digging myself into.

But the truth is: I don't know how. I don't know where to start undoing the damage I created, to heal the wounds I have torn. I don't know how to raise my voice and demand the change I want for myself.

Though I need to find a way if I want things to change. Just how?

Maybe-

A poke to my cheek brought me out of my reverie. Yeontae had been sitting down next to me and now looked at me expectantly. God, this dude could be irritating.

"I asked what you wanted to eat?" he said, apparently having asked that question before.

Today it was just us two in the dining hall. Handong has been summoned to an important pre-vote meeting, which all running candidates had to attend. Leaving only me and Yeontae, no that both Jiu and Siyeon ditched us. I tried hard not to glance towards their table. If I did I would want to go over there and join them and I don't know if I could hold myself back from ditching Handong too. Well, I don't want to be murdered by her, so better stay put.

"I think I'm good." I answered him, making him look weirdly at me. With all the stress Handong is putting me through lately I barely have the appetite to eat anything at all, let alone greasy cafeteria food.

Luckily Yeontae let it slide and changed the topic. "Only three days until the vote, right?"

"Yep." I wasn't really in the mood for conversation, but it seemed that Yeontae was adamant.

"Man. Handong must be going crazy right now. She probably has you working to the bone, doesn't she?"

"Oh, yes." I said, not able to hide my eye roll.

"Damn. No wonder all the spacing out lately." He gestured widely in my direction, circling his hand in the air.

"Was there something you wanted to say? The last thing I need is your pity." I know it isn't his fault Handong put us into this arrangement, still I couldn't stop myself from snapping at him.

"Sorry." He said, retracting and running his hand through his orange bleached hair. He genuinely sounded apologetic, but something in his tone told me he wanted to say more. So I waited.

After a minute he spoke up again. "Okay. Okay. Trust me, I know this is not ideal." Great start. "But I do want you to know you could talk to me if you needed to."

Oh. That's not what I was expecting.

"I'm stuck in this arrangement too, you know. Maybe we have more in common than you think. We are sort of in the same predicament." He continued. Perhaps he wasn't so wrong about this. This whole relationship might give his status a nice boost, but it could be holding him back just as much as it does me.