Your Name

27| "I miss his voice when he calls my name."

TWO YEARS LATER

╰┈➤𝐘𝐈𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕*ೃ༄

Four long years had slipped away since the day War had moved to America. It was a decision that had reverberated through my life. Three years had elapsed since I had taken the pivotal step of seeking therapy, yet the scars that ran deep within me seemed as fresh as ever.

After everything that had happened between War and me, I caught an emotional tempest. Yet, opening up about my feelings, especially those entangled with my sexuality, felt like navigating an intricate maze of uncertainty and fear. I didn't know who I could trust, who would understand and who might judge me.

I recalled the day I walked into Dr. Mix's office for the very first time, my palms sweaty and my heart was pounding. Dr. Mix's understanding eyes greeted me with a gentle smile.

Dr. Mix listened without judgment, allowing me to pour out my heart and soul in a safe space. Through countless sessions, I began to piece together the story of my life, about my feelings towards War had on my self identity. I struggled with coming to terms with my own sexuality, an aspect of myself that I had hidden away for far too long.

I realized that my feelings for War more than the boundaries of friendship. But growing up in a society where such feelings were frowned upon had driven me to suppress them. I had watched as War's left drew a sharp line between us.

My journey towards self acceptance was far from over but it had taken a significant leap forward. It was a journey that had been marked by pain and struggle but it had also been illuminated by moments of profound changes and growth.

━◦○◦━◦○◦━

Sitting in the comfortable l room of my therapist, I feel a familiar heaviness settle over me. It was a weight that had been clinging to my heart for three long years since I started to seek therapy here. I sat across from Dr. Mix who had been a constant presence in my life.

"How are you feeling today?" Dr. Mix inquired.

My immediate response was to cover my face with my palm as if that could shield me from the waves of sadness that washed over me.

"I...I miss War...I miss his voice when he calls my name," I confessed with a trembling voice.

Dr. Mix nodded, his expression understanding. "You know, you have been saying the same thing for three years now, ever since you first came to therapy. You keep mentioning that you miss the same person."

My heart sank as the truth settled in. It was as though I were stuck in a time loop, replaying the same feelings of loss, regret and longing with no resolution in sight.

I lowered my hand from my face, my eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I-I can't help it," I admitted. "I still can't believe how badly I hurt him. I wasn't ready to face society, to confront the feelings I had for another man. I pushed him away and now...War has disappeared from my life. He-he doesn't want me anymore."

As the words tumbled from my lips, tears ran down my cheeks. The memories of that painful time resurfaced with vivid clarity. The secrets I had hidden, the love I had denied, the choices I had made, all of it had led to War walked away from my life.

"Yin, you are carrying a heavy burden, one that has been weighing you down for years. It's important to remember that forgiveness, both for others and for yourself, can be a long and complex journey."

I nodded, my shoulders slumping as I acknowledged the truth in Dr. Mix's words. The path to forgiveness, especially when it came to my own actions and choices felt like an unending maze.