Your Name

52| "P'Yin's struggles are my struggles."

╰┈➤𝐖𝐀𝐑 𝐏𝐎𝐕*ೃ༄

As I stirred from sleep, P'Yin lay beside me, lost in a deep sleep. Our faces just inches apart. Gently, I traced my finger along the contours of his face, studying the features of the person I had loved for a decade. My heart weighed heavily, remembering the phone call between P'Yin and his mae from the previous night.

I couldn't shake the fear of losing P'Yin. The mere thought of facing a future without him was unbearable. The pain of moving on from P'Yin, something that I had endured before, resurfaced and I recoiled from the idea. I couldn't face it again. I wanted a lifetime with P'Yin.

I got off from the bed and walked downstairs. I then grabbed a plastic trash bag and open the cabinet where P'Yin kept his sleeping pills. Without much contemplation, I threw them into the bag. It wasn't entirely clear why I felt the need to do so but perhaps it was the fear that P'Yin might consider taking the pills again because everything he faced with his parents right now. It had been a while since I witnessed him taking any medication. For any reason, I didn't want P'Yin turning to those pills again.

While focusing about the pills, I was interrupted by P'Yin's voice calling me from behind. "War?" His voice halted my actions and I turned to face him.

"Phi-P'Yin..." I replied, my eyes meeting him nervously.

He approached me. His eyes looked at me with confusion. "What are you doing, baby?"

I hesitated. "I...I just didn't want P'Yin to take the pill anymore. Not after everything that happened with P'Yin's parents."

Silence settled between us.

"You...you know I used to take sleeping pills?"

I bit my lower lip before nodded slowly. "I...I saw a lot of medicine in the cabinet before but I was afraid if I asked P'Yin, P'Yin might not be ready to tell me." My fingers gripped the edge of my shirt and slightly adjusted my glasses. "I'm worried about P'Yin. I-I don't want to lose P'Yin," I confessed, my voice breaking.

Without a word, P'Yin hugged me. I returned his hug. "You won't lose me, baby," P'Yin murmured. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, baby. I should have told you about the pills. I didn't want to burden you with my struggles."

I tightened my grip on him. "P'Yin's struggles are my struggles. I want to be here for P'Yin."

He pulled back slightly, his hands cupping my face. "I promise to tell you everything, okay? But promise me, don't carry that worry anymore because I haven't touched the pill since the day you gave me a second chance. I'm really happy with you now, War," he assured me with a soft smile.

P'Yin's words at least were a balm to the worries. A rush of emotions welled up and my eyes grew watery. I slowly nodded, conveying my trust and understanding.

He leaned down, pressing a tender kiss to my forehead. "I love you, baby. I really do," he murmured.

━◦○◦━◦○◦━

We seated on the sofa in the living room and P'Yin's hand held mine. P'Yin began to share the reason behind the plethora of medications stacked in the cabinet. I bit my lower lip as P'Yin opened up about a chapter in his life that had remained veiled until now.

He took a deep breath. "I...actually started therapy about a year after you moved to America," P'Yin said in a low tone. "I was battling depression and guilt."

The revelation struck a chord within me and I squeezed his hand.

"I had no one to confide in about my feelings, especially as a man having feelings towards another man. The fear of societal judgment held me. I...kept it all to myself until it took a toll on my mental well-being."