KHAOS

Day 160

Weeks have passed and there's still no sign of the archives.

I'm losing hope and starting to think all of this is in vain.

Lately, I find myself thinking about my friends.

How are they?

Are they even still alive?

The thoughts haunt me every day. I always ask Levi about it. I beg him to use his abilities and find out how they're doing but, whenever I do, he always shrugs.

I have to admit it, I'm scared.

I'm scared for our future and theirs.

"What's wrong Eris?" Levi asks as we cross a field. I stay silent and act like I didn't hear his question.

 "You know you can tell me, right?" He insists, grabbing my arm. I pull away.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" He inquires.

"I'm fine!" I snap, my tone slightly rising. I didn't mean to yell. I'm just frustrated and angry.

Levi stares at me with soft eyes, I try my best to avoid his gaze but somehow end up looking into his ocean blues.

"I'm sorry, for whatever I said or did." He says, letting go of my arm.

I sigh, "You didn't do anything wrong. Sorry for yelling." I apologize.

I have to stop acting like this, I'm being so cold to him. It isn't fair.

"It's okay." Levi says giving me a weak smile. He starts walking again and I follow him, "When you're ready to talk, I'll listen."

I nod.

I want to tell him, I really do. I want to spill my guts and open up. I'm ready to let him know what's wrong, tell him what's going on.

It's just that I can't.

I can't because I don't know what's wrong. I don't know why I've been like this recently. I feel restless and impatient, like I need to do something very important right now but can't for whatever reason.

I've never felt like this before, incomplete, empty, like something is off. A puzzle with a missing piece.

I've never been the type to daydream, and I've never been the type to fantasize about a better life.

So, I don't understand why I'm like this.

It's not worry or anger, not anxiety, pain or rage.

It's an emotion I can't trace.

This is what is making me angry.

This empty feeling inside.

I could tell Levi that but I don't think he'll understand.

Will he even care?

Levi comes to a sudden stop. I bump into him but he doesn't seem to notice.

"It's getting late." He says, looking up at the sky. I look up too and notice the sun is taking it's position in the west, ready to retire and let the moon take over.

"We'll continue tomorrow." Levi completes before unpacking his things and setting up camp. I assist him and unload our sleeping bags and food.

After our meal, we go to bed. Levi dozes off but for some reason, I can't sleep.

I've tried everything, from counting sheep to humming an old tune. None of them worked.

After shifting around in my sleeping bag for some minutes, I find a comfortable position and attempt to fall asleep for what feels like the one hundredth time this night.