Secret desire

Two lost souls

Tae got more annoyed after two days had passed and Jungkook didn't mention Jimin at all. Instead he was moody and drinking.
"Get up, we need to clean this place it reeks of booze"
"Who cares, when mr goody two shoes gets back I'm sure he'll clean it..."
"Who says Jimin will come back? In fact you clean up your mess I'm going to visit Jimin...take him some more clothes."
"God he has you all fooled doesn't he running around when he couldn't care less about us...he was just going to go....."
"You make me so mad! How long have we known him? When did he ever do a selfish thing to anyone?"
"So why did I get to hear secondhand he would leave? RM knew...did you?"
"No I didn't yes it was a shock but I knew he'd have a reason...RM knew because the manager told him...!"
Tae started towards Jimins room,Jungkook following clearly not letting the subject drop .
"Aren't you mad at him?"
"Upset but so what if he left I still would have visited him ..."
Tae was opening drawers lifting out clothes and putting them in a bag.
"Hmm, loose jumper oh yer up here," he mumbled lifting a top compartment open and pulling a jumper out.As he did so a leather notebook dropped.
Tae and Jungkook bent down to pick it up,my diary was printed on the front .
"Gosh Jimin still does this," Tae said snatching it and putting it back.
"What do you mean still?"
"He started when we started as a group,I saw him writing in it once and he said he liked to clear his head so he wrote how his day had been, that it helped him when he felt bad or lonely ....guess he still does..."
Tae closed the bag and left.
Jungkook glanced at the shelf where the diary was then shook his head and reluctantly started cleaning the dorm and opening windows to air it.
Jimin turned a tired looking face to the door,giving a small smile to Tae.
"Jimin didn't you sleep well you look tired ?"
"It's fine just awkward trying to sleep with this cast..."
"I brought more clothes,but well when are you coming back?"
"Is Jungkook still moody?"
Tae nodded.
"Well best I don't show up for a bit no point riling him up...."
"You still care for him even though he's not got in touch...."
"I...I love him Tae,think I always have but I hurt his feelings...I..I didn't mean too I thought I was doing what was best...."
"Jimin I know that so do the rest of the guys Jungkook..well....."
"It's ok....really it is....i just hope we can get back to a place we can all work together......if not......"
His voice trailed off he didn't want to think of the alternative.
"I'm sorry to rush you out Tae but I'm being picked up soon."
"Oh? "
"Erm yes,management asked if I would do tv interview and apologise to the driver.."
"What!let me come...."
"No...I have to start doing things on my own you know not always think someone else is....there"
Tae heard the anguish in his voice ,Jimin was easy to read when he was troubled.
"Well then I better get off when they showing it?"
"It's live Tae...two thirty..."
"Live?"
"Yer....apparently live is more believable ..."
Tae felt disturbed,Jimin was already in an emotional state,would he cope?
"Jimin...call if you need me...ok?"
Jimin nodded faking a smile and Tae left.
Jimin changed his clothes and waited nervously to be picked up.
Tae paced around checking his watch.
"Why are you so fidgety?"
"I'm worried about Jimin..."
Jungkook frowned before asking.
"Why?you saw him earlier he must have been ok because you weren't there long!"
"Only because he has a tv interview.."
"Why Jimin and not the rest of us?"
Tae explained what Jimin had told him.
"Well Jimin has done interviews before and the manager will be with him so why are you worried?"
"Because you heartless jerk Jimin is not in a good place....I'm worried if he's confronted with other things...remember nobody has spoken to him before we did our military stint...he hasn't had to speak about why he was picked on, how he wasn't aware of the other car, how it feels to be outed...,you've dumped him....do you think I didn't know what was happening with you two....did you play him was it just a case of getting in his pants and now that you have your done with him?"
"He bailed on me! He didn't confide in me did he even have feelings for me at all?!?!"
"God you're so blind...shit it's time"
Tae ran to switch the tv on.
Ladies and gentleman, we are pleased to bring Jimin to our studio.
A lot has been spoken about this young man lately...say what you will but I personally am pleased to see him here...

Jimin....so let's get this out of the way...we see you have a cast on your arm this is from the car accident right?

Yes,I got distracted by something on the radio and pulled out onto a main road totally missed seeing a truck there.

You were very lucky not to have been hurt more seriously I understand you were out of it for a few days?

Yes, but that's my own stupid fault, I was more concerned with the other driver it must have been worse for him.

We happen to have that driver here,please come in min chao....

A man in his forties came in...Jimin immediately stepped forward and bowed.over and over.

I'm sorry sir for my foolishness, I regret causing you any harm.

Min Chao nodded ,stopping Jimin from bowing anymore...I'm relieved that your injuries are healing...I understand from what was going on that day that you were not focused and all I ask is that you be careful with your life.

Jimin actually cried at his words...I will try sir but my life isn't as important as the lives of others I would have hated to be the cause of another's injury or demise.....please accept this as a token of my regret...

Jimin handed over keys for a new truck, the other man gestured that it was ok but Jimin pressed the keys into his hand. The man bowed to Jimin patting him on the back and then left the studio.

Wow that was emotional eh...but to play devils advocate some might say you were trying to 'buy him of' what would you say to that Jimin?

That was never my intention....I damaged his vehicle I should replace it...I reported myself to the police station for dangerous driving and they have reprimanded me and banned me from driving for six months....

Jimin can we mention the recent fiasco...someone outing you and the military?

Well I missed a lot of it as I was in hospital.

Is it true that interviewer tried to fix the programme because you rejected him?

Yes

And how has all this affected the group?

It's shaken people up a bit, we didn't get as many negative comments as we thought we might which goes to show people's bias about things like this is lessening.

What if it had all been negative ?

I would have left the group,none of them should suffer because of me it wouldn't be right.

And they all agreed with this?

I didn't tell them,I was selfish I guess well actually I know now it was selfish ,some weren't happy with me and I broke their trust,I just hope I can regain it.

How is it selfish to not tell them because you didn't want to hurt them?

I....I ... well I don't suppose they took it that way...it seemed a good idea at the time.

Jimin felt tired suddenly his face drained of colour and the interviewer seeing this drew the interview to a close before rushing over to catch him as he passed out.
"God he looked awful at the end I hope he's ok I'll ring him.." Tae muttered going off to his room.
Jungkook sat there,Jimin had looked bad... he'd lost weight he could ill afford to lose and when he had blamed himself for absolutely everything Jungkook had felt a pain in his chest.
Had he been too quick to take offence?had Jimin really thought nobody would get hurt by his actions,the uncertain thoughts went through his head,damn just seeing him again had stirred everything up inside him,the hurt,the uncertainty of if Jimin had cared for him or not......
Tae ran through the room he was in ,
"Tae...did he have feelings for me or was I just a fling"
Tae stopped in his tracks," see that right there is what Jimin has been feeling, uncertain of your feelings,thing is he's stuck to his feelings, even now sticking up for you and your shitty behaviour ,whereas you...you dropped him on the spot!"
"Because he never said what he felt...and he was just going to leave... !"
"The group asshole not us!! And when have you told him your feelings? I gotta go Jimin passed out I'm going to see he's ok....you wanna know what he feels?go read his diary but don't tell him I told you to...."
He was gone out the door as Jungkook stood there in bemusement.
He turned walking to Jimins room staring at the cupboard expecting the diary to jump out at him...he couldn't could he,it was private no he shouldn't ....despite his mind telling him no within five minutes the diary was in his hand and he hesitatingly opened it.