Bird Wings

Chapter 19

Clay continued to be a good friend. Her suspicion didn't change, no matter how much Wren talked about Hawk, but she listened well and her honesty stayed refreshing. She was practical, she let people be, and she was able to love even those who were different. Wren often wondered how she had managed to become that way, and felt some chagrin at how much had needed to happen for her own mind to crack open even a sliver. They both had been raised to fear what wasn't familiar, so how was Clay able to accept the new Wren with so few hesitations? It felt miraculous.

And so, life grew better. Clay helped with that, Wren's family helped, time smoothed out even more. Eventually Wren herself was the only one who seemed aware that there had ever been a different time. Weeks went by, she kept busy. She took her mother's suggestion and found odd jobs to do in the village as the winter set in.

Winter brought new thoughts. Wren wondered how Hawk had managed all those years. It didn't stay very cold for long - ice would form only once or twice in a season, but it was cold enough. Whenever she bundled herself up to go out that winter, she remembered how he had cut his stolen shirts partially open at the back to make room for the wings. Had he owned a coat, or even a scarf? She hated the thought of him shivering in that hole in the rock, and was almost glad she didn't know where exactly he was.

It was the most uneventful winter of her life. She had distanced herself from most of her friends and filled her spare time with work, so her days were quiet.

There was no hint of romance, not even a teasing comment from a family member. These days the village boys avoided her and everyone else avoided the subject. Not that she wanted that kind of attention, but she did notice the absence. Cobin's new wife was expecting a baby.

This was how things were for Wren now; every day brought more little darts that stung only slightly, but they did sting. Contentment evaded her. Couldn't she go a single day without slight, almost unidentifiable troubles buffeting her peace? She missed the way it had been with Hawk. She missed being able to throw a fit and feel it was actually appropriate to the situation. There was nothing she could do now but behave herself. Truly, there was nothing actually offensive enough to spark a real tantrum - but why did she still feel like screaming? She thought fondly of the dishes she had shattered in Hawk's cave and wondered what people would say if she did something like that again now. How would Doctor Patrew react if she suddenly snatched up his cookie jar and hurled it across the room? What conclusions would he jump to if she declared she would not under any circumstances return the next week for another check up? Everyone would rush to his defence of course, but in the height of her frustration she felt like she could outlast them all. What's the worst they could do, really?

She did none of that, of course. She held her peace and made the best of things, enjoyed what she could, ignored what she couldn't. Winter faded slowly into a soggy spring.

***

Yellow wallpaper

-Laura