Bird Wings

Chapter 16

Wren was released from imprisonment with slightly less than a clean bill of health; Doctor Patrew wanted her to continue with regular checkups - but she was free!

Faced with no restriction for the first time that entire eventful summer, she hesitated at where to go. They had probably meant for her to rejoin the society of the village; her mother had even mentioned that she'd most likely want to visit one or other of her friends, but Wren couldn't deny how much she still longed to be alone.

Her room had been an irritation more because she couldn't escape attention when others chose to give it to her than because of the isolation. She now had a chance to be alone without having to turn anyone away and hurt their feelings.

So, to indulge her instincts, Wren moved off her parents' front step and walked quickly down the road towards the meadow. It had stayed deserted most of the time before she had gone away, and she had every reason to expect that had only increased since then. She only had to pass a few houses to finally reach privacy.

The wide, hard packed street had never felt more exposed before, or longer. What if someone saw her? Would they speak to her? Or worse, they could catch sight of her and try to avoid her notice. Was it worse to be avoided? Wren didn't actually want to talk to anyone. She didn't want anyone keeping their distance out of superstition though!

The road narrowed eventually; there were no more houses, soon she was out of sight even from the last one. Safe! The meadow opened up in front of her. The grass there had taken on a deeper green in the last few weeks, since she had seen it last. She was relieved to find that it no longer seemed like a bleached mirage. In fact, it was the most vibrant thing she'd looked at in a long time.

Wren went directly to the bridal mound and stopped there. How nice to be in the sun! She could see more of the sky here too. A breeze lifted up strands of her hair and brushed them across her face. She stood still, feeling for a moment like a girl in a story. Someone who would have a happy ending. The air was fresh in her lungs, the earth cool under her feet. If she was in a story, Hawk would be flying down now out of that blue sky. He'd come and stand next to her, and if it was a story he'd kiss her again too. Not the way he had when they were last here - but gently, like they had time to waste.

Where was Hawk? Why hadn't he been spotted even once? She had stared out of her window as much as she could, aching just to know he was still there. She couldn't remember if it had ever been this long without even a small boy reporting he'd seen a dark shape far away above the trees. The worry she felt weighed on her chest and stuck in her throat until she wondered why no one ever noticed the way she struggled to breathe. What if he was gone? He could simply have gone away, but would she never know which?

The thought of him alone somewhere hurt, but to hope that he could have finally found some people to accept him didn't bring any comfort. Wren selfishly wanted to believe it was unlikely, and that she and the people she loved weren't uncommonly harsh, but how hopeless for Hawk if that really was true! Maybe there were people somewhere capable of more generosity, or who were different themselves. If they existed she did hope he'd find them. Maybe it wasn't too painful to think of him out there, searching. Even if it left her here alone.

Selfishness was exhausting! Her own concerns pulled at her, demanding attention, more attention than anything else. Think about yourself, your vapid relations, your small life. Think about the way he abandoned you. Be furious that he put your physical comfort above the needs of your mind, your heart, against your wishes!

Maybe the pressure on her lungs was only self pity. She had not been raised to struggle. Hawk was once again utterly alone in the world, perhaps worse, and she was standing around wishing he was there to kiss her.