Bird Wings

Chapter 20

(Hi again - another self harm trigger warning for this chapter)

On the outside, Wren was sitting in her room again. She had - physically - gone home, hung up her outer clothes, and gone up to her work. That was as far as she could take herself while her attention stayed fixed on the boy working in the general store. Her fingers closed around the shirt she was supposed to be mending and stayed that way in her lap for the rest of the morning. Hawk had gone back to work with instructions to tell the shopkeeper that their strange behaviour had been a misunderstanding - she had remembered something urgent and left so quickly that it looked like it was in reaction to him. He would say that he had chased after her to find out what could have offended her so much, and they had sorted it out.

That wouldn't be enough to stop gossip from spreading, but it was an explanation at least. It was more than enough for Wren, who wanted to be thinking about other things. There was a whole day to get through before they could talk again, and she was in so much turmoil that passing the time was going to be nearly impossible.

Sure enough, work was pointless. Wren threw it down eventually and switched to a series of restless activities. She opened a drawer, took out half the things in it, and then left the whole mess on the floor to go stare out the window. The small patch of sky she could see from there brought such a pitiful amount of peace that she grew frustrated with that too, and began pacing instead. Thankfully, people left her alone.

Dinner with her parents was unbearably long, but when it was over she was finally free to put on her cloak again and slip out into the twilight, dodging questions.

Thinking about nothing but Hawk all day as she had done, it was remarkable how few questions she had to ask him. Her feet were carrying her as quickly as she could go, impatience irritated her, but she had nothing in mind to say to him. This became incredibly clear when she did finally reach the meadow and found him there ahead of her. She stopped and smiled at him, the silence stretching too long. All the shock from earlier had made it natural to throw herself into his arms, personal space taking no bearing when someone was back from the dead.

The shock had worn down though, and on top of that Hawk looked so much more like other boys now that all her instincts for social etiquette were in full power. Wren clasped her hands nervously in front of her.

His outline ended at his shoulders. The wings had practically shut out the sun before, and framed her view every time she looked at him. With them gone, he looked smaller. This was the first time she had noticed that he was really no taller than she was.

Hawk smiled back at her, equally shy.

"I barely know how to start talking to you without getting a scolding first. Don't you have anything to yell at me for?" he said.

"Well," Wren searched. "You took the job I wanted."

That pulled a real chuckle out of him.

"Ah, my apologies. Are you looking for jobs now?"

"I have jobs already, I just was interested in something more regular."

"So you've been working? Have you been alright?"

Wren stopped there. He had stepped closer to her and she was in danger of getting lost in his eyes. Truthfully, she didn't have it in her to try and scold him for the winter she'd just had. Pretend indignance would keep the conversation light and hint at how she had missed him, but still she couldn't do it. Not considering the time he must have been having.

"Yeah, I've been fine. Things are a little different now, but it's not bad."

"I see you didn't get married. I thought you might."

"Are you kidding me, Hawk?"

"What? Cobin wasn't the only one who liked you, you know. There was still time left in the season, I thought. I wouldn't have been surprised if you had."

Wren chewed on her lip as she looked at him. There were so many reasons why that was ridiculous, and every one of them was directly his fault too. Should she tell him? Would it be cruel to shatter this generous view he took of the village he now lived in?

"I had a lot on my mind this winter." She hedged. "Am I allowed to ask if you've been all right too?

He dropped his eyes.

"I... got through it. That's almost the same as all right, isn't it?"

It wasn't even close, but she'd let it go.

"Can you talk about it - ?"

He was shaking his head before she was halfway through that sentence.

"I just have one question," he was shifting on his feet, even touching on the subject seemed unbearable to him. "I keep thinking I must not understand, and I feel like I need to know - I won't push for any more details."

She hesitated. Hawk wasn't meeting her eyes, but he stayed still. Waiting for the question.

"Was it someone else? I mean, did somebody - did someone..."

He did look up then, slowly meeting her eyes. The grim expression on his face made him look positively skeletal in the shadowy light.

"No." He said.

Wren couldn't cry anymore. She had been weeping on and off all day, and she had to keep it together now. The practicalities of this information were beyond her (how, exactly?) but she knew she couldn't ask more questions, not without crying, and he wouldn't answer anyway. She took a couple long breaths and then faced him again.

"So then you came here to be a shop boy. Is it everything you dreamed of?"

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