Bird Wings

Chapter 15

(Part 3)

"Mom, why haven't you said anything about Cobin yet? You told me the news about everyone else that we know. How is he?"

Wren was feeling bold today. If she had to constantly listen to things that pulled her away from her thoughts, she figured it might as well be something that interested her.

"Cobin?" Her mother hesitated.

"You don't need to look so worried, I know I'm not going to marry him anymore. I just want to know if he's all right."

"Oh, he's fine." She began, still looking uncomfortable. "He was very upset about you, of course. He didn't know what to do with himself for those first few weeks; I kept seeing him wander past our house in the evenings. I invited him in once or twice but he didn't seem to want to see us - that's understandable isn't it?"

Wren was listening to hear if he'd ever considered going after her. A man in a story whose intended had been kidnapped would have tried to climb the mountain, but so far it was sounding very much like what she suspected: Cobin had only been upset by a startling occurrence followed by a very awkward situation. What do you do when you are a young and desirable man who finds himself honour bound to a missing girl? How long do you wait before her family goes back to being nothing more than neighbours, and you can move on?

"So what's he doing now, have you spoken to him lately?" she asked.

"Not since the wedding." Her mother answered carefully.

"What - his wedding?"

"You have to understand, he was so distraught by... well, you, that he didn't like to be alone. People say that he was out visiting every evening after a while, just for company, you know? And that led to him visiting one family in particular, and that led to a wedding. Your Father was very angry about it but I thought we can't blame the poor boy for wanting some comfort. That's what we were all wanting and couldn't get."

Her mother was taking a very romantic view of the situation. Wren felt, cynically, that Cobin had just wanted a wife and one village girl couldn't be much different than another. She agreed somewhat, many of the other girls who had liked him when she did could have done just as good a job keeping his house and having his children.

It did hurt her pride a little to have been replaced so soon. It was ridiculous of her to feel this way, considering how little she had thought of Cobin when she was with Hawk, but it still stung. How must it look to others who weren't as generous as her mother? Wren may have moved on emotionally, but everyone around her now would still see her as basically jilted. They would continue to define her by their own rules whether she was playing the game or not.

"I hope you won't take it so much to heart." Her mother's worry cut into Wren's musings. Her new habit of checking out of ongoing conversations was not helping her seem normal enough to be released from confinement.

"I'm not bothered," she said. It didn't hurt her in the way her mother thought it might, so that wasn't a lie, was it? "I hope he's really happy. I do! I wouldn't want him waiting for me even if he was still single."

"It is almost better this way, isn't it?" She sounded so relieved. "Now you can focus on getting back into things and take your time, without worrying about him. You can keep living here just like you used to and get your feet back under you. Maybe eventually you can start helping around at the neighbours' and earn yourself some extra money, that would give you some security and independence later, don't you think?"

A nice sketch of a boring life. There was no mention of any other boy, no possibility that Wren, too, could find a replacement. The future her mother had just described was that of a luckless old maid. Was that the only option left to Wren now? Maybe her mother had only meant to take away any pressure to move forward with her life. Wren decided not to ask any questions; it was better to avoid thoughts of her future for now.

She got up from her seat and went to stretch facefirst across the foot of her bed. The quilt on it was many years old and soft against her cheek.

"Mom?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

Wren stayed silent. Her mind had taken a quick turn to a new subject, and as reckless as she'd been feeling today, she wasn't sure if she was brave enough to attempt this. Even with her mother.

"What is it? Are you feeling okay?"

"Don't you want to know what really happened to me? Don't you wonder where I was all that time?"

There was a moment of stillness. The silence hung heavily in the space between them.

"You told us enough about your ordeal that first day that I haven't been very curious. You know it's better for you not to talk about it."

A diplomatic answer. Wren felt certain that truthfully, her mother and all the rest of her family didn't want to know what exactly had happened, or what had lived in the mountain. They were genuinely and sincerely happy to have her back, they had joy for her life and love for her, but no curiosity. They wanted her, and everything else to be the same as before.

"Don't you want to know what it was that took me? And more details about how I lived? Bad luck aside, I was gone for months! Do you really want me to stay quiet about it for the rest of my life, like it never even happened?"

"I'm sure it must have been very hard for you, but honestly I don't see how talking about it will help. You spend too much time thinking about it now, no matter how much we try to distract you. It can't be helpful to fixate so much on something that must be hard to understand. Wren, you can't set the luck aside, not right now especially. It's so important now that we make sure nothing like this ever happens again and you live a normal life."

Her mother was obviously distressed, which made Wren struggle to think calmly. Many of the things in what was just said attacked her. What could she answer that would make her sound rational? She couldn't force her mother into doing something she thought would be dangerous, not after the terrible summer she'd had. The line had been clearly drawn, she was being instructed to let the subject drop - but how could she give in now?

"What do you mean, hard to understand? I didn't get a glimpse of him at twilight like in a ghost story, mom, I lived with him and saw him every day. I talked to him! I can't just forget it happened!"

"I'm just concerned for you! Whether I want to know or not, I have to think about what's good for you. Doctor Patrew thinks it would be best for you to do everything you can to get back into normal life and normal thinking. We're worried about your mind, Wren."

There was no defence against the suspicion of insanity. Wren also knew she was far from right at the moment; she wasn't sure if she could depend on herself to not make things worse if she chose to fight this battle. Moreover, she dreaded trying to explain anything about Hawk. His memory was so important to her now, and he deserved the best possible representation. How could she do him justice while also trying to calm suspicions that would crop up about her? Was it impossible even to talk about him without causing damage to herself?

She might actually go insane if she couldn't talk about him though. The words she could say about him were too precious to be wasted, but they hurt her when she kept them locked inside. Other people hurt her because they didn't understand, but their inability to understand was what kept her from explaining. She felt like one of the small birds that injured themselves by flying into a freshly cleaned window from time to time, but in her case she could not keep herself from hurtling back into it again and again. Knowing the glass was there didn't make a difference.

"We all really care about you so much, you know."

Her mother's words, coming from behind the protective barrier of an empty doorway and following an argument, couldn't mean as much to her as a listening ear would have done.

***

Did anyone think Cobin was going to be a secondary love interest? Lol no, he's just some guy.

-Laura