Bird Wings

Chapter 13

(Part 2)

She couldn't even convince him to wait a few days. Tomorrow morning, he said. It was her last night in the cave. Wren had cried for a while, and then tried arguing again, but it was no use. She lay in her bed now and watched the moonlight where it draped softly over the swirls and billows of rock. Even this, the discomfort from being surrounded by uneven walls and floors (that had made her feel like she was inside a mouth more than once) was beautiful tonight. A small shard of pottery caught her eye, and she remembered the tantrums she had thrown at the beginning. The book! He had brought her a book just to please her and she hadn't even bothered to teach him to read it. Why hadn't she taught him to read? Maybe if she had thought of him more she could have had more time with him.

Or maybe he would have returned her that much faster. Did falling in love with her for real instead of just a projection inevitably lead to taking her home? How was taking her home an act of love anyway, when he was still completely disregarding her wishes?

Deep down, Wren actually dreaded returning to the village for her own sake too. She knew she no longer fit in there, and that she would miss Hawk. She knew what they would think of her too - kidnapped by a demon and mysteriously returned months later? She would never be seen in the same way again. The practicalities of the village and their daily concerns and opinions came flooding back into her. Social anxieties, pressure, worries that hadn't bothered her for weeks. It was exhausting to slip back into those thoughts.

And Hawk! He was so fascinating. He was unlike anything else she had ever known, and he had taken up so much of her mind. How could she replace him with her old doings? With laundry and spending money? Cooking and friends? She'd never find anything half as interesting as he was ever again.

Did she love him too? Wren was sobbing again. She got up and crept in the darkness across the cave to where he was sleeping. Trying to calm herself and stop the tears, she leaned over him and shook his shoulder.

"Wren." His voice didn't sound sleepy. He had been awake too.

"Don't make me leave you." She whispered.

She didn't have any new arguments, no stunning logic. She just didn't want to be without him. She didn't want to live without him.

"Wren, please."

His whisper was pleading; it was hard on him to resist her. Good!

He lay on his back, something that to Wren never seemed like it should be comfortable, considering his wings. The moonlight had made its way over to him and fell across part of his face, highlighting a few of his features, making his skin look soft. With a stab in her chest she noticed how familiar even this tiny bit of his face was to her. When had she memorised him?

His hand reached up and laid to rest on her arm. He was probably about to say something, tell her to go and sleep maybe, but with a tiny moan Wren bent down and kissed him.

Maybe it was all in her head, brought on by intense emotions, but his skin felt even softer than it looked. His lips were soft against hers. She felt his hand slide from her arm to her back and filled with hope. They could make everything okay for each other; they could make each other happy. They could.

But then he pulled away from her and sat up. That wasn't enough, he stood up and took whole steps away from her. He kept going!

"Hawk!"

He was gone; he had jumped out of the entrance and flown away into the night. Wren felt her face crumple. This felt more catastrophic even than it had felt to be kidnapped in the first place. Was nothing she could do or say enough?

She must've fallen asleep eventually. Wren woke up in the morning, still in his bed, to the sound of him reentering the cave. He looked somewhat worse for wear at least, Wren took spiteful pleasure in that.

"Do you remember when you told me I could have anything I wanted that you could give me?"

"I'm rescinding that offer now because I don't think you want things that are good for you."

"Buttface." She said, pulling out the worst of the childhood bad words.

He stood looking at her for a moment. She stayed lying down, and glaring. Pouting was keeping the deeper pain at bay for now.

"Don't look at me like that if you're not going to keep me."

"I'm going to keep the memories." He said

If he changed his mind he could come over to her now and kiss her, and everything would be okay again. They could figure something out, anything that allowed them to be together. Wren wasn't sure exactly how she felt about him at the moment, but she could learn to love him. She was certain she could love him desperately, the kind of love that fixed impossible things.

"I don't think I should put it off any longer." he said finally, breaking into her thoughts.

Did he expect her to get up and let him carry her off? She rolled onto her side and looked pointedly away from him.

"Wren, please. Don't make this harder."

"I'll make it as difficult as I want to. I'm tired of you just doing whatever you want with me."

He was crouching next to her now, she flinched when he put a hand on her shoulder.

"You're going to have such a good life. You're going to be so happy, eventually."

"You don't know what's best for me!"

"I know more about this than you do! You're so naive! Sometimes there isn't a simple answer. Sometimes things don't work out."

He picked her up. Instead of struggling, Wren put her arms around him. This was less of a last desperate attempt than it was just the desire to hold him. Maybe if she hung on tight enough things would work out, no matter what Hawk said.

She wanted to have her wits about her when flying for once, but nothing she wanted was happening for her that morning. When they landed below the trees her mind was spinning just as much as usual. She pressed her face into his shoulder and willed him to take off again. He hadn't set her down yet; there was still a chance.

"Change your mind." She whispered.

Disobedient, he let her feet down. She hung on. An impulse crossed her mind, and she turned her head and pressed a kiss on his neck. That finally broke into his self control and he pulled her face towards his. For a moment, they held onto each other.

It didn't change his mind. He was pulling away from her now, pushing her back. Kisses shouldn't keep ending with one of the parties running away! Where was his strength of mind coming from?

It was like time moved through a soup. She felt his hands push her, the wind from his wings starting to flap. She felt tears on her face and sobs catching in her throat, getting in the way of all the words she was trying to say. And somehow, amongst all of that, there was a part of her that was watching her beg her kidnapper not to let her go home, somewhere off at a distance, and thought she was pathetic. What was that? Here she was having a truly calamitous moment, full of heartbreak and desperation, and she had time to judge herself?

And then he was gone! He was flying away, already being obscured by tree branches.

Wren had never felt so truly abandoned. She was alone! On the very spot he had originally snatched her from - she was standing on the bridal mound in the meadow. The familiar trees surrounded her and the village was a few minutes walk away. He couldn't have actually left her, could he? For good? Only a day before she couldn't have imagined either of them having a thought of this in their heads, and now she stood below the cliff again. Home. It couldn't be real. He would be back, he'd change his mind and come back for her.

She sank down to the ground and hid her head in her arms. Her tears said something different than her thoughts - they told her it was over, all of it, her only chance to save him, to even know him at all. Eventually she'd have to get up and walk back into a world where he only existed as a dangerous shadow.

***

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

-Laura