We're Not Alone

Chapter 22

"Scarlett, when is the last time you actually ate? It wasn't last night, was it?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

My heart drops, my mind starts to whirl, everything crashes down. He knows. How does he know? I can't do anything. can I? I've kept this a secret for so long and now someone I've known for less than a month figured it out? Maybe I'm over thinking it, maybe he doesn't really know? That has to be it.

"I ate last night, I don't know what yo-" I make the absolutely fatal mistake of making eye contact with Leo. I paused for a second, faltered briefly, but he caught it, his expression turning into understanding, concern and sadness. "I-, uh" he cuts me off this time "Scarlett, it's okay, it's me, you can trust me." I let my mask fall for a second, but put it back on quickly "It's nothing, I'm okay Leo" He shakes his head "I'm worried about you, we see each other almost everyday and I've almost never seen you eat, and when you do it's not much"

Fucking hell, he knows, to try and deny it now is kind of pointless. "I- Leo, thank you for checking in but I'm okay, I always am" he tilts his head "Scar, you almost fainted. I'm worried" I sigh, letting the smile and denial fade, knowing I can trust him, and also knowing he won't drop this.

"Tuesday" his head tilts, taken aback, confused. "What?" I sigh "last time I ate" I watch his face morph into disbelief, eyes widen slightly, his jaw tenses then relaxes, trying not to react too strongly. He reaches across the island, putting his hand on top of mine. "Scarle-" I cut him off "I know Leo, I wont do it again, I know I went too far this time." I sigh, deciding I might as well tell him everything.

"It's been going on for 5 years, maybe longer." he eyes widen "It's and off, I go weeks or months eating normally. Then it'll come back, but I normally dont cut food out completely, I just skip meals." he nods at me slightly, squeezing my hand telling me to continue. "If I do cut it out completely, it's only a day or 2 at a time, this time I think I was just overwhelmed, I kind if forgot about eating honestly" this isn't a lie, it did start to slip my mind, once the tiredness kicked in. "I'll be more careful" he nods, swallowing, trying to find the right thing to say.

"Scar, I'm glad you'll be more careful, but skipping 1 or 2 days, or cutting out meals isn't fine. If it's been going on that long, does anyone else know?" I shake my head "No, and please dont tell anyone. I know it's not okay, but it's not something I can just stop, I'll be better about it, safer. It's something that comes and goes on its own. I know its not like that for everyone but it is for me. Sometimes its not even something thats a conscious decision. And if more people know about it, I'm feel like I'm constantly being watched and people are tracking when I eat, and that will only make it worse."

This is mostly the truth but partly a bluff, I will be safer and I will stop going this long without any food, but that means I'll be going weeks or months only eating 1 meal, instead of a few days or a week of eating nothing.

I know my eating seems different then others, to some its a constant, all or nothing. They don't eat enough, until they see results, then those might not be enough, so they go longer, until they can no longer stop. But me, I do it when I notice something about how I look changed, like when my jeans stopped fitting. Once those fit I'll slowly go back to eating normlly, well normally for me, 2 meals at most, or 1 meal and a snack. To get the results I want I either don't eat for 1-2 day periods or just eat a few snacks a day. And since I don't eat that much normally, those result's typically last a long time, but I keep finding new things I hate about my body.