Dear Reader...

Chapter Twenty Two

~Juliette~

3 days. 3 days of nonstop crying and thinking and pacing and screaming and smashing glasses against walls.

And after those 3 days, still not a single text had delivered.

He still had his ex on social media.

An ex he told me he hated more than anything in the world. He posted a picture online but couldn't text his girlfriend. 10. Fucking. Days. He could be dead. He could have died on his drive up there and I could have missed the funeral but I know he's alive because he fucking posted a picture 4 days after he left.

So, I did what I do best. I gave up.

Because I couldn't keep doing it. Sitting around and waiting for him to decide if he wanted me or not. Sitting there, waiting for him to make me feel like I was worthy of his attention still. Worthy of the attention he was able to give me for 6 months and it is not an issue.

I text him one last time.

Me- Okay this is officially the last text I send. It's been 11 days since you left Noah. And I've tried. I've tried to understand. I've wracked the millions of different ways this could be going and I know. I know it's so much right now and I want to be there to support you. I want to be able to be at the other end of your call. But I can't do that if you can't even call. You can post online though. Because of course I run into Teagan and that's how I find out that you're alive, that your mum's home and you're all okay. Through your social media, that you still have your two-faced bitch of an ex on. I'm done Noah. The last time we spoke you were bitterly sharp when I was trying to help, you have either blocked my number or launched your phone into the fucking sun and I'm here fucking hoping it's the second one because it fucking hurts. It hurts so fucking bad that I trusted my heart with you. I trusted you with everything. We planned a whole life together and you can't even text me when you're struggling. How am I supposed to help you in the future when things get rough if you shut down? Literally! But now I'm thinking about it and I hope you've blocked my number and I hope you never see this because honestly, I don't think you deserve to know what you've put me through when I have done nothing wrong and just wanted to help. Anyway. Before I roll off the list of things I could say I'm just going to cut this short. I've gone. The cottage is back up for sale and I'm leaving. Maybe you were right all along and Satbury isn't for staying in. I hope you're happy Noah. I hope you find a girl who gives you everything I apparently couldn't and I hope when you're laid in bed with her at 2am, listening to your daughter cry like I've cried for you, I hope you feel even a tiny amount of the pain I've felt. Bye.

And I blocked him.

Deleted his number.

Swiped every memory of him from my phone until I was sat on a plane staring at 6 months of complete voids.

I climbed out of the taxi, pulled my cases into the all too familiar elevator, pressed the right floor, and watched the door close through blurry eyes. She had no idea what I was about to hit her with right now. That a wreck of her best friend was about to knock on her door, having travelled halfway across the world just to come home to where she should have been all along.

The wheels of my two cases clicked on the marble floor, running all the way down and stopping outside of her door where I could hear her laughing with some guy behind the door. I hesitated. Maybe I should book a hotel tonight.

No.

I need her. I need someone. I need help.

My knuckles hit the door quickly and silence behind the door. Whispering. I tapped harder, tears unstoppable. He opens the door.

Go fucking Riley. He's hot.

"Is Riley home?" He looked over his shoulder.

"Jules?" Her perfect hand wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him out of the way. "What the fu-"

"I ended it."

"Wha- You ended it with Noah? What the -" She pulled me in. "Ste, can you grab her bags?" I'm pulled all the way into the room but I stop in the middle of the living room. Shake my head, run down to the bathroom.

"Mama? Who was at the do-"

"Go back to bed Ans. I'll come in soon."

"But-"

"Anya. Go to bed babe." I wipe my mouth, laying back against the cold tiles. I have never ever felt so shit in my entire life.

"Auntie Jules?"

"Mhm." She pushed between he mum's legs, hazel eyes going bright. "I'm home babes. Got to bed though okay."

"Mama Auntie Jules doesn't look too good."

"She isn't baby."

"Here. Anya?" The deep voice echoed around the apartment. "Want me to read you your story?"

"No. I want Auntie Jules to read it. She made me it."

"Auntie Jules isn't feeling good honey. Let Ste read to you okay? I'll come kiss you goodnight when I've sorted auntie Jules out."

"Are you staying Auntie Jules?" Ste picks her up, her head visible in the corner of the door frame. All 3 of them are staring at me like I'm dying. I feel like I am. I know I'm not but it sure as fuck feels like it.

"Mhm."

"Okay. Ste can read me tonight but Auntie Jules has to do it tomorrow." I nodded, stomach churning again.

"Okay goodnight Ans." Riley stepped inside the room, closing the door as I threw up again. "Jesus. What did you drink on the plane Jules? I've never seen you throw up this much."

"Nothing." I groaned. "That asshole. Fucking blocks my number when he's supposed to be seeing his sick mom but can post offline no problem. Then I think... You know what, my periods a little late. Maybe the stress." I pulled the 3 tests out of my hoodie pocket. "Nope. I took some before I left. In the airport, those are from the airport this side because I was like, maybe the tests back in the UK are wrong. Nope. I'm wrong." I sat back again. "I feel like I've been here before."

"Yeah, but I was the one throwing up."

"You're more than welcome to join me."

"Have you told him?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because I blocked him and deleted his number before I knew."

"Jules."

"I'm keeping it. I'm not telling him."

"Ohkay. I think you need to sleep and think this over."

"I'm not Riley. What use would it be? I'm not moving back there. I don't want to see him again. Don't want to ever hear his name again, don't want to go through what you've just spent 5 years going through with Anya. No. We made it work with Ans. Me and you we've done this once before. If you don't wan-"

"No, Jules. You're not doing this alone okay?" She sat down on the floor. "I'm with you on this like you were with me. Every single step." I nod at her. "You're sure though? About Noah?"

"Positive." She sighs. "He ghosted me Riles. Just vanished off the face of the Earth. He doesn't ever need to know he has a kid. I don't ever intend on seeing him again."