Dear Reader...

Chapter Thirteen

~Noah~

She giggled again as I traced my finger gently over her eye lashes. I'd been sat over her like this for at least half an hour, just soaking her in. Feeling her skin on mine, breathing every breath with her. This was what I wanted. This moment with her. The suns setting and it's burning her room that beautiful dark orange that makes everything look like Midas just sauntered through.

Not Juliette though. No. Jules is a solid diamond. Shining and beautiful and utterly flawless. I can't get over it. That she's here and she's mine and I get to lay here with her just like this.

"No one's laid with me like this before." She sighs and instantly she wraps her hand around my heart strings and pulls, pulls, pulls. I plant a soft kiss on her nose, grazing it with my teeth just to hear that giggle again. "You're quiet."

"I'm just thinking."

"Careful, you'll wear your braincell out." I pulled my head back, shaking it slowly as hers fell backwards, a booming laugh coming out of her before you could see the regret hit her. "I didn't mean that."

"I know you were joking." I smiled. "If I ask you something a little personal will you answer it?"

"Depends what it is."

"Okay. So, before I ask, I only want to know because it would help me understand how your brain works and how I can make sure I don't make stupid mistakes." She shifts under me slightly. "The guys you dated before me. What happened with them?" She inflates her cheeks, whistling out a single note. "I know. I just- Look if there's something you don't like that's a deal breaker, surely it's better for me to learn from their mistakes than accidentally do the same thing?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, maybe you absolutely hate steak and I cook you some for a meal and you end it on the spot." Her lips lift a little. I don't want this to be a difficult conversation. I'm just curious as to why she's so conscious of what she says and does or why she doesn't think being treated right is normal.

"You really want to know?"

"I do."

"There's not much to tell."

"Tell me anyway."

"I dated a few guys that it just didn't click with. In high school and things. The uh- the sexual chemistry was there but beyond that it was more friendships than anything. Then we went off to uni. There was one guy that kind of crossed between the 2. We did long distance because me and Riles moved well out of the way for school. We made the trip back one weekend and I caught him in bed with my sister. He got her pregnant and now they're married. That was- an experience. He tried it with me on their wedding night so I had to leave. Haven't seen him since."

"When was that?"

"4 years ago."

"Okay." I nodded, placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Who's next?"

"I took a break from dating for a year. And then I met Jordan. We ended and then I decided to move out here and a month later I packed everything up and came out."

"Wow. Recent."

"Mhm. It was super long term too. He's probably what you want to know about but there's not much to say about it really. He was just manipulative, narcissistic, kind of mentally abusive. I don't know why I stayed with him for 3 years really but I met him when I was going through a lot of personal stuff I won't bore you with and sometimes you just want to be wanted you know? I think that's what it was with Jordan."

"Personal stuff?"

"Mhm." She nodded. "Nothing important now."

"Why do I feel like you're downplaying that babe?" She scrunched her face up, moved her attention to running her hands through my hair. "Jules?"

"I'm not trauma dumping on you Noah."

"You're not going to scare me off."

"I didn't-"

"It's written all of your face." Her lips twitched. "Look at me baby." When she did, her eyes were a hell of a lot bluer than I've seen them. "It changes nothing. Whatever happened, happened. Past tense."

"It's not past tense though. It's not as easy as just leave it in the past. There's too much that goes on and I get-" She steadied herself, voice shaking as she tried to calm back down. "My parents don't know I'm out here yet. I don't have a good relationship. In fact, it's the dead opposite. There's Christians right? Usual kind of god is great people but they don't push it on people. My parents kind of took that to the extreme. Anti science, anti-medication, anti-abortion or whatever else. They were totally down with me marrying some guy 30 years older because he was in their church even if he was an absolute pig flirting with a 16-year-old girl. Anyway. My parents didn't believe my allergy could kill me. They'd lace my food and shit with peanut oil as like a trial because it was obviously a matter of if I was sin free, god would save me. 7 or 8 times when I was a kid, I ended up in ICU and they'd come in kicking and screaming because how dare they treat me, if I died then it was my own fault. I believed them, stupidly. Until I was like 17, pure as snow, never even held a guys hand and they were away for the week with work or something I don't know. I was unconscious in hospital for 5 days. Luckily I'd been left in Riley's parent's custody whilst I was away and they were nowhere near as religious as my parents but they were in the same church so my parents trusted them. Anyway, Riley's dad made sure he didn't call my parents until I woke up and they ended up forcing me to drop contact with Riley and everyone. I turned 18 like 2 months before I left for uni and the day after I turned 18 I moved in with Riles and her parents. There was little a whole legal thing but obviously I was over 18."

"Then I went off to uni, went home a few months later and was given the whole, I'm living in sin spiel. My dad died and then mum remarried someone who wasn't as bad I guess. We started having a relationship again and then I started publishing my writing in like my second year of uni and news got out, the church found out it was me writing, read the books and well, my books aren't exactly church friendly. My mum and stepdad got kicked out of the church, had to move across the country, same with Riley's parents. It was just a huge fuss. So, I told them I'd stop. Become a teacher instead just to keep the peace."

"So, they think you're-"

"Teaching in an elementary school back in Toronto."

"Do you still speak to them?"

"Birthday, Easter and Christmas. 3pm like clockwork." Jesus.

"Do they ask?"

"About the school? Yeah I just say, school's school and then take something Anya has said and flip it."

"Wait. You said Riley's parents-"

"They don't know about Anya." My god. "Riley's story with Kai isn't great either. When Riley found out she was pregnant, she'd been seeing Kai for like 4 months. It had been great. Perfect, healthy, happy relationship. She told him and he broke it off. Not because he didn't want her to keep Anya, because he didn't want to deal with her hormones and 'watch her get fat' but that he'd be back in a year to meet his kid. He came back when Anya was 4 months old, sleeping through the night on a good schedule and everything and he had court papers for split custody. Riley obviously wasn't going to refuse Anya her dad. And then he comes to see her the second time when Anya is like 18 months old, brings a girl along with him and apparently they'd been together for over 2 years. So, he'd been cheating on Riles as well. He missed all the difficult years of having a kid and even now, it's always on his terms. And I mean, it's no surprise him and Jordan are best mates."

"Go figure." She nodded. I kissed her cheek, forehead, lips. "Thank you for telling me. It means a lot you'd trust me with it all." She shrugged. "Nothing changes."

"Are you sure? Pretty sure if I sniff a peanut now god will smite me and I'll be sitting beside the devil within the hour."

"Eh, I always did have a thing for bad girls."

"Oh really?"

"You kidding? Sandy from Grease? Childhood crush right there."

"Eh well at least you got the blonde right."

"Mhm. I'll get you some black leather pants, put my leather jacket on." She laughed. "Although, you won't be leaving the house if you wear that."

"Oh no?"

"No, you'd be too busy."