Dear Reader...

Chapter Twenty Seven

~Juliette~

I'd wrapped them both up at the bottom of the bed. Surrounded in pillows, cuddling into each other like they always did. I got home, said less than a handful of words to Riles and brought them up here. They'd gotten worked up whilst I was gone apparently. Both of them screaming bloody murder. It took little more than my bed, seeing my face and a dose of ibuprofen to knock them out. They're both teething and hitting a growth spurt at the same time and it's resulted in 3 days of nonstop mayhem. I've cried too much but that certainly didn't stop me silently crying as I watched them right now, holding onto their tiny newborn clothes.

I have no idea what I'm doing. Being a parent, being an adult, an author. I don't know who I am and I'm somehow supposed to raise kids who do. I'm a mom. I'm supposed to know everything. They're going to come to me when they're older and I'll have to pretend I've had all of this worked out my whole life when I'm sat here staring at 2 pairs of tiny feet, not even knowing if telling Noah would be the right thing or not.

Because how do I even approach that? Oh, hey guy who broke my heart and then randomly showed up. You left 20 minutes after we had sex and then didn't respond to me so I ended it, to find out 2 days later that I was carrying your kids, here's a photo, please never bother us again?

My door creaked open but I didn't move. Just watched Fin's face screw up and turn more into his little sister. Everything I do now, I do for them. Every action, inaction, every single breath is for these 2 completely helpless things at the bottom of my bed that I love more than life itself. And somehow I fear that's not going to be enough.

The bed dipped beside me.

"Here." Riley pushed a cup under my face, sitting down carefully. "Coffee."

"Thanks." I quickly wiped my cheeks, taking the cup from her and sitting up a little straighter.

"What happened with Noah?"

"He wants to take me out. Tonight. He wanted 6 but I told him 8 and we have to be back before midnight."

"But you're going?" I shrugged. "They're alright with us. Go."

"He said congratulations on the birth of your twins." I turned my head to Jules. "I didn't correct him. Just changed the topic when he asked their names. Told him I'm not moving back to the UK and he said he'll move here. Just like that."

"Did he mention the whole, ghosting thing?"

"Mhm. Dropped his phone in a puddle and had to send it off to be sorted. Apparently he messaged Chris, he came around a few times but I never answered the door. Said he should have done more but that it's just a misunderstanding."

"Do you believe him?"

"I don't even know. He gave me the receipt. For the phone and the dates are right. I called and gave them the order number; they emailed over the exact same copy. So, he sent his phone in over that time. It was fixed for water damage."

"So, he did drown his phone. What about Chris?"

"I don't know. I was pretty much upstairs constantly. Maybe I just didn't hear the door." We went silent for a long time. Only moving for me to push Piper's dummy back in and taking her hand off her brother's face. "What do I do Riles?"

"About Noah?"

"About him, us, these two. If he's serious about moving here, I have to tell him right? He has to be aware if he's going to be close by, if he wants to - I don't even know what he wants. And then how do I even drop that in there? That the 2 babies he saw today are in fact not yours, they're ours. That he's a dad to twins and has been for 6 months and I've been keeping them from him. How is he going to take that? That's not even small news. It's life changing."

"Doesn't have to be."

"What?"

"Okay, this is going to sound brutal but bear with me. This is your chance to clear your conscience Jules. If he asks about them again, you don't hide anything. Let him know that you didn't tell him because he didn't want anything to do with you in his eyes so why would he want your kids, that you didn't find out until after you blocked him and deleted his number and you were already on your way back here. And that yes, you would have kept it from him because as far as you knew, he wasn't going to show up on a random Saturday, over a year after you guys last spoke. Give him the option with them. 2 simple ones. He's either all in or he leaves and never shows up again. You don't ask anything of him, you're happy handling everything. You don't want his money or his time, or him to check in. He gives up any rights to them until they're old enough to find him and then that's between him and them not you. Or, if he does want to be involved then he's all in. Regular visits, covers their care with you, does everything dads are supposed to do. But he can't go back on it. Give him those 2 options. No 3rd where he gets to be part time. It's all or nothing." Riley takes a breath. "If he says he wants you still Jules, if he's willing to move here for you and he does love you and this isn't him looking to fuck you over again, you're right, you can't keep this from him and it's better you tell him now than when it's starting to get back to normal."

"What if he chooses to go home and never speak of it again?"

"Then that's his choice babe. You chose to keep them without having him here and we will go on, knowing he knows, knowing he doesn't want them and we can hate him for that for the rest of our lives. You can finally move on and find someone who appreciates you and both of them and someone who will show your kids how their mom deserves to be treated and that they are worth more than someone who donated their sperm to create them."

As if on cue both babies started to shift, slowly waking up and looking up at us with perfect hazel eyes.

"Okay. We're done moping about now though. If we're babysitting tonight, they need wearing out. Park?"

"Park."