Mute love

where is she?

Aditya pov

I looked at her before taking a deep breath, I immediately shifted my gaze in another direction after noticing tears in her eyes. It's hard. It's ridiculous how I always become closer to her and then feel guilty.
Either I shouldn't be close to her and if I do, I shouldn't feel guilty for that.
I don't want this feeling.
I left from there and the time I entered my room I immediately shut the door behind me with a loud thud.
My eyes directly went to the picture on the wall above my bed.
Me and Soumya. Pic isn't so romantic to be called a couple photo, it's just a friendly photo we clicked in college.
That was our first click together, that's why it's really close to my heart. We had lots of pictures after that. More beautiful, more romantic. But this one is different.
I still remember how happy I was while taking a photo with her. We were barely friends, and she had no idea I had a huge crush on her. It's insane how my heart was beating so fast for her.

And that's the reason I never changed that portrait since we were married.
Not to mention but this room is full of her pictures. There might be only two or three portraits of me, it's only her. She is everywhere.
And the irony is, I removed all pictures of her from the living room and shifted them in here after her death.

I know it doesn't make sense but I don't want my daughter to cry for her mom. I can live with her memories, happiness, soar, everything. But Adhya can't handle this much pain.

My brain, my heart, my existence, my everything is really sensitive about Soumya, that's the reason I got triggered by what Rashmi said earlier. I know it's true but I don't want to accept that she is not with me. I can't.

I really behaved like a jerk today. This is not me. I have always been a calm person who knows how to control things, how to control anger. I have been doing this since my childhood. I grew up watching and experiencing things that would trigger me , that was the main reason for my calm nature but what I did today… . … … …
I don't know what that was.
I closed my eyes and rested my head on the door, I swallowed, tears rolled down my cheeks.
I need some time to get out of this shit.
I stayed like that for ten minutes.
But I immediately opened them when I realised what I was seeing after closing my eyes. The first five minutes it was Soumya but the last five minutes were …………..
It was Anshika.
I didn't even know when the faces changed, it's like their faces were merged. Or some kind of transition.
A part of me felt like they both weren't different.
This is crazy.
I can't define this.
Am I possessed??
I don't know.
I just need time to understand myself.

It's too late when I realized the things I did in anger  were so unfair. I left Rashmi in the middle of road,........ Shit!! Yes I did that. How can I? I don't even know if she is home,is she safe and sound.
I didn't even look back..
I immediately grabbed my phone from bed and dialed her number, first five seconds I heard rings and then she declined.
I sighed, I opened whatsApp to text her but before I can I got text from her

" Don't you dare to text me and if you call me again I will surely block you!! "

If she said, she will, for sure. She is hella angry,and her anger is really horrible, the same as her elder sister . I have faced it before.
I let out another sigh knowing that Rashmi isn't the only person I messed up with.
There are two more in the list.
I kept the phone in my pocket and ruffled my hairs in frustration before making my way outside the room.
When I walked down the hallway I felt a knot in my stomach. It's definitely not the same as always. Something is different and somewhere a part of me knows that I messed up a big time.

I scooted towards Adhya's room and as soon as opened it my heart dropped to my stomach at the sight.
Her little body was curled up in a ball on that cold floor. She might have fallen asleep while crying. The things I did today, all of them were ridiculous.
This is not how father treats his daughter. No way, what is the difference between me and my father?
If he is a horrible father then I am nothing different.
I kneeled down to pick her up and walked towards her bed. I placed her on the bed before tucking her in duvet.
This is the time I noticed her swollen red eyes and dried tear marks on her cheeks.

I really don't have any idea how would she react after seeing me. Would she be mad at me, is she going to stop talking to me Or she will be scared ??
I can't imagine as this was the first time I behaved like that to her.

I placed a long kiss on her forehead and left after caressing her hairs.

.,..........,...............
Huh!!! I let out a heavy sigh when my foots made their way to Anshika's room.
I am not sure I should talk to her or not, but I can't be more jerk, I must apologize for my shitty behavior.
The door was wide open, I stepped inside only to get welcome by no one there. Yes, she wasn't there. I checked the balcony but she wasn't there too, I guess she is in washroom.
I sat on the bed and started to wait.
But she didn't come even after a five minutes.
I walked to the washroom door before hitting a slight knock on the door " Hey, are you there?? "
No response.
I inhaled, she won't reply, of course not "

" Anshika I am really sorry for what I said, I ran out of patience " I said in guilty tone. Only I know how I am feeling right now, it can't be expressed.
I feel like digging myself underground, forever.
" Anshika!!! "

I don't think she is inside, there is no sign.
" I am coming inside " I warned before pushing the door, it wasn't locked. I scanned the room just to confirm she is actually not here.

Where is she??

I immediately ran to the kitchen, she wasn't there, she wasn't in the living room.
I checked the library, no one was there. I checked the rooftop, she wasn't there.
I checked every corner of the house and she was nowhere.

Damn it!!!
God please tell, I am just overthinking, she is not left .
Just tell me she is still inside the house, I took out my phone from my pocket to ping her.
I heard rings after two seconds, it took me few seconds to get that it's somewhere near me.

When I followed the rings I found it on the couch.
Fu*k!!!!
Hell no!!!
No way she left her phone here.
That was the only way to make sure she was safe.
I know she isn't home and she doesn't have her phone with her. That's horrible.
She is alone, she isn't a normal girl, she can't speak, cherry on the top, that shitty bastard Yash is behind her.
Fu*k you Aditya Singh!!
You remember what happened last time when you left in anger, Soumya was alone in the house and… .. … … … .

No!!!
I am thinking too much. Nothing will happen to her, she must be with Sara.
I am a hundred percent sure.

If there was , I am going to be traumatised for life if something happened to her, for sure after I realised my hundred percent surety was just a delusion.
The moment when I called Sara I wasn't expecting that she wasn't accompanying Anshika.
That's really horrible, where is she??
At her house?
Or with Yash??