Mute love

I am not guilty

I gulped as my eyes shedded with tears, I started banging my fists on the door.
Why is acting like this??
Please open the door, Adi.
For God's sake.

He is scaring me to death, it's not right  I am feeling helpless, totally helpless. He never did something like this before. What would I do if something happened to him?
Please be safe.

I continued banging on the door, that's what I can do .

________

Aditya

I am behaving like a kid, seriously. I shouldn't be so devastated . I know she didn't cheat, that's how I had built my trust with her from twelve years. It's not a small span.
If she had cheated me I would have known it a long time ago.
When one person in a relationship cheats, another one already starts feeling them changing. I know her better than anyone.
Even if God himself said something against Soumya, I would be trusting her only.

I don't need any proof to say that she was loyal to me. But the only reason for my anger is whatever shit I heard about Soumya from that officer. I won't tolerate a single word against her, never.
And I was so irresponsible that I didn't try to find out about what happened that night thinking that hiring someone for this is enough.
I am not trusting anyone for this now, not even Rashmi.
If he mentioned her name she definitely knows something still she is just acting innocent.
I don't know why but now I suspect her too.
It's possible that she killed her. As I said I won't trust anyone. I would find out everything by myself. That's not an issue.
Right now issue is something else.

I thought keeping myself isolated will calm me down for good but I was wrong. Being alone is also scary. I just destroyed my study room for no reason.
I Threw my laptop on the wall which resulted in all the pieces shattered on the floor. I punched the window and the glass broke down.

And when I just stopped for a good minute I noticed banging on the door.
The sound is continuously coming and… ..
Shit!!

__________

Anshika

I was continuously banging on the door but suddenly I felt that door was opening.
Relief take over my face when I saw him safe and sound in front of my eyes.

A sigh and tear escaped at the same time. My heart is still racing. I was so scared. Thank god he is fine.

I stepped ahead and held his shoulders. And started eying his face.
You are not looking normal, what happened please tell me. Please!!
My heart is screaming.
Please speak up.

“ You don't have to worry!! Stop crying please!! ” he said softly “ I am fine, I just want to be alone for some time ” he raised his hand to remove my hands from his shoulder but my eyes widened after looking at his hand.
What the fuck!!
Is he mad??
Saying I am fine and here his hand is bleeding.
I held his hand in mine and looked at him with a panicked face.
“ Listen!! It's nothing, don't worry I will be fine. Please go from here Anshika ”

Don't worry, my foot. You need help, idiot. Both physically and mentally.
I tightly held his wrist and touched blood.
Damn!!
He needs first aid or he will get infected.
I harshly wiped my tears but the more I wiped it, the more it formed in my eyes. I can't control it .
My heartbeat is racing, and my eyes are trembling. I never love someone before so I never know how it feels to see someone you love in pain.
Now I know how it feels. I don't want to see him like this, ever.
My chest is huffing up and down because of being terrified.
I can't take my eyes off his bruised hand.

If I could speak I would have shouted at him loudly, I would have cursed him with all the bad words I know.

“ You don't have to worry, please I am… . .. ” he was removing my hand from his while speaking but got cut off by a quick slap.
Yeah I slapped him and it wasn't an accident at all, I don't regret it. I can't speak, it doesn't mean I can't show him I am angry.

It wasn't that hard, it was light,because he isn't affected by that at all , he is still looking at me but silently. I am surprised he isn't offended by this.

I remember the time I slapped Yash accidentally when he was going to force himself on me when I was on my periods. And that bastard literally kicked me out of his car at 1 am.
He is the main reason why I become less worried about myself. Nothing feels creepy and scary about my safety. Because I have seen worse.

I held his hand and dragged him to my room with me. He didn't refuse.
Now he won't even if he wants.

I made him sit on the bed and went to take a first aid box from the cupboard.
I am trying not to cry.
But I failed.
I am trying to show him I am angry.
But ended up showing him I am concerned about him.

I kneeled down in front of him and kept the first aid box open beside him.

My heart ached when I looked at his hand carefully. It looks so painful.
There is a small piece of glass on his finger.
I gulped while removing it.
Why ??
Why did you do this??
What was the reason to hurt yourself?
I looked at him with my teary eyes, he isn't showing any emotion on his face.
Seems like it's not hurting him.
But it's hurting me.

I grabbed cotton from the box before shifting my eyes again to his injury and started rubbing it on blood in order to clean it.

I don't know why was he behaving like that Or why he was so angry but he has no right to hurt himself.

“ It's nothing, you are… . … . . . . ” he stopped talking when I glared at him.
I looked back at his hand and started applying ointment on his bruise. This man has no idea what I am feeling right now.
This is not how I expected my first day after marrying him. I don't know the reason for this but I can guess he is now feeling guilty for marrying me.
Not my fault.
I didn't force him.
And I am not feeling guilty for this.
I love him, now he is my husband and there is no reason I will be leaving him.
If he is guilty, it's his problem.

I was almost done wrapping the bandage on his hand when a soft voice touched my heart.

“ I am sorry!!! ”
Wait!!
What???
I slapped him right?
He is apologising??
Now I am feeling guilty.
Not for marrying him but for hitting him.

“ I didn't mean to scare you like that!! ” I am crying more, I didn't even look at him this time. I finished his dressing and looked at his hand without moving from there.
I want to cry more.
It's hurting.
Hurting like hell.

He took his hand back from mine and stood up.
He will leave again, again.
He doesn't know but he is hurting me.
Love isn't as easy as I thought.
It hurts more than anything in this world.
Imagine someone you love regretting being with you.
My throat dried. My teeth dug in my lower lip to avoid sobs.
He will leave and I won't stop him this time. I felt a twisting knot in my stomach.
It's like begging him to accept the fact that he loves me.

I was surprised when he just sat on the floor next to me instead of leaving.
He kept his bandaged hand on mine and his other hand touched my cheeks.
Softly wiping my tears he made me look at him.
“ Trust me, I am not guilty!!”

I looked at him in surprise, his eyes are enough to tell me that he is saying truth.
But then why is he acting like this.

" You are the book I will never regret reading. You are the best gift I received from God!!! "
His long fingers caressed my cheeks as he lean closer before pecking my lips.

" You have no idea how easy you made it for me to survive, just by being here. "
His thumb traced over my lower lip " Just stop thinking I will be ever regretting being with you. I said it already and I am saying again, I am not letting you go, no matter what!! "

I immediately throw myself at him and he embraced me.
" I will do everything you want and in return I only want one thing "
Without breaking the hug I looked up at him. Our eyes met.

" I want you to trust me, I want my wife to trust her husband . I am not confused about you, I am damn sure what I want in my life. "
He said kissing my head.

" Just stop getting insecure!! " Without letting me know he just pulled me on his lap.

__________
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