Mute love

disruption

My eyes are mess, my mind is mess.
Why??
Why??
Why it's always Soumya??
Only one word he has to praise ,Soumya Soumya and always Soumya. Only one person he is always proud of.
And how can he expect me to tolerate this.
Be realistic for God sake.
My eyes burned with pain, I am not hesitating to say I am jealous of this so called Soumya.
I have a huge respect for her but this man is making me hate her for no reason.
Soumya is being the main problem of my life.
No..... No..... No.....
Soumya' so called fan boy is my problem, who is my husband currently, unfortunately.
For the first time I genuinely regret marrying him.
" I know I wasted your work but trust me I will fix it!!! "
Bastard!!!
He isn't realizing what's his mistake and I am expecting him to understand me, wow...... Irony!!
He tried to touch my hand but I pushed him away. Good for him to stay away because I want punch his face so bad.
" Anshu what's........ ”
I didn't let him finish and stormed out of the same space he is in. I can't, I literally can't tolerate him.
I was aware he is coming behind me.
He followed me to my room, I felt him sitting beside me as I hopped my body on the bed, laying on my stomach before pressing my face in the pillow.
I bursted in tears. This is so dreadful, so frustrating.
Obviously I am not enough and I will never going to be. It's so obvious, she was with him when he had no identity, she supported him at his worst, she was with him for more than ten years. How can I expect him to love me then? How is it easy for him to forget her?
That's all my fault, I am the one who is having so many expectations from him.

And the question is, will he ever be able to fulfill them, will he ever love me, at least one percent of how much he loved Soumya.

" Why are you crying?? Please tell me, have I hurted you again?? "
Yes!!
You have been hurting me from the start.  And that's all my fault, I allowed you to do that.
I felt his palm on my back, I jerked off his hand and again continued to cry.

" Anshika please........ ”
This time I straightened my posture and looked at him.
Okay!!
Bad idea, looking at his eyes give me extreme pain. I cried more. My eyes are burning like hell. They are hurting.
He palmed both of my cheeks and said softly " Listen, look at me!!! " He said softly and I stared at his eyes no matter how much it hurts.
He feathered my cheeks " If my actions hurt you, then I am really sorry but that's not my intension. You can stay angry at me as long as you want, you have right but please don't cry like this!!! ”

There was silence and I just stared at him calmly. And he suddenly said " Soumya is the problem?? "
My heartbeat raised, throat dried. I am feeling a physical pain too.
Answer of his question is obviously no. She is not my problem. You are my problem Aditya Singh she isn't. She is dead and you need to stop dragging her in every fuckin thing. How can we have a fresh start otherwise.

One thing I know is that he cares for me but he is one who hurts me. Everytime fuckin time.
I am feeling like crying, more and more. I bit my lower lip when he pulled me in a hug. I didn't resist.
He rubbed my back gently. What's wrong with me, even after getting hurt by him , he is the only person I want. I love him, then why not? He feels warm and safe.

" I am really sorry”

I didn't care to reply, not right now. I just want to cry. He patted my back and I clutched his sweatshirt in my fist.

" I am home!!!! " I knitted my eyebrows at the cheerful voice coming from downstairs. It's Adhya's voice. Is she back from school.

" Mumma, I am back, where are you?? ”
Her voice was not loud and clear enough as she was speaking from living room.

I parted myself from him and took a deep breath before wiping my eyes, avoiding his eyes.

I shouldn't cry in front of a little girl. Not a decent thing to do.