Mute love

frustration

I thinned my eyebrows in confusion before unfolding the paper.
" I don't think you give any shit if I am mad or not. But just in case you are curious why I am mad I will be telling you by myself because you will never understand. Because you are jerk, idiot, bastard and whatnot. ” I sighed reading this. The begining is abusive so I need to gather courage to read further.
After taking a deep breath I proceed to read it again.

" First thing you don't trust me, everytime you hide things from me, maybe because you think I am not worthy, to know what is going on your mind. This always made me feel left out from you. Feels like I am no one to you "

My throat worked with a hard swallow. It's not true, I just never wanted to bother her with my issues because she is sensitive, she gets worried easily. She overthink a lot and this is not healthy. I didn't know it's creating a bundle of insecurities inside her.
I inhaled before resuming myself to read further.
" And after all this you choose to hurt me by saying I was responsible for Adhya' kidnapping. I can understand you were worried. But when you said I didn't care about her just because I was angry at you.
You can tell me I am not good enough for you I don't care about you, it won't hurt me that much. But you said I don't care about her. Please Aditya, if you can't trust me then you can't expect me to trust you either. 
I really don't trust you after this. I thought you understand me but you don't, you would never try. And if you continue doing this I don't think it's done for me. This is unfair. I won't leave you for this but you need remember , in this case I will be staying only because I don't have other option. I can't leave Adhya, now.
I am not begging you for your attention, trust or anything and I will never. But please clarify how much time it is going to take you to move on from Somya, because I don't see you trying either. I know she was with you for more than a decade and I can't take her place nor I want to but at least you can try to move on. And if you don't want to try then fuck you!!!
I can't wait for you to love me anymore. I literally have no expectations from you and no faith in you!! "

__________

Anshika

I just finished arranging bed when I saw Adhya climbing over.
I smiled at her and she did the same.

I made myself comfortable on bed just beside her. I remember her telling me she would stay with him until he finish his food. But she is here, it means he didn't eat.

" Mumma¡! ” she said looking at me with amazed eyes. I  nodded.
" Dadda is sleeping alone in that room, shouldn't we accompany him? ”
I stared at her eyes and give her a slight smile.
" Also, we should eat with him, you know he didn't have dinner tonight!! ” I can see concern in her eyes.
She is right. We should.
But I can't.
I can't let him take me for granted.

" he was crying in the room!! ” I felt a pang in my chest. I understand.
Now I am feeling bad. I shouldn't have mentioned Soumya in that letter. Or maybe leaving a letter for him was itself a lame idea. I had poured my all frustration in my writing.
I am feeling like a bitch now.
I hope he hasn't seen it yet.

I smiled at Adhya and and made her lay down before pulling up a blanket. It's too cold.
I patted her her and placed a kiss on her forehead. I know she must be with her dad right now, but at the same time I don't want to keep her away from myself  . I can't handle it.
She cares about him him, it's good. But if I can't get him at least I want her by my side. Someone to love.
" You are angry with dadda? ” she stared at my eyes. She is so innocent.
I nodded my head as no and keep on patting her head.
" Good night mumma!! ” she said before closing her eyes.

She scooted closer and hugged my waist. I again kissed her forehead.
After couple of minutes she drifted to her Dreamland.

I let out a sigh in frustration. What the hell I am doing. Adi better not have seen that letter. I wish.
I should check on him, now. What if he is crying again over that one video.