Mute love

baby

I was shocked when doctor told me about my pregnancy. I wasn't expecting that . It's not like I was happy after knowing that but I wasn't sad either. It's just ......... I don't know...........

I am happy with having one daughter. We are good, however if there will be a second child, Adhya won't like it.
And I can't be happy if she is upset. On the other hand Adi would be upset for same reason,and I don't want that.
I hate that when someone question my love for her.

I wasn't planning any pregnancy, but now.........
What about this???

"Okay ma'am, now you gotta take care of yourself, I should go and also your husband still must be impatient to see you. " She smiled and I just nodded.

My heart is racing and I am having strange feeling right now. I am having all the negative thoughts about this pregnancy.

I watched the doctor taking her bag and leaving. I swallowed a hard gulp.

I started biting my nails in nervousness . I don't know what I am thinking. I can't understand myself right now, maybe I would be able to think about it after talking with Adi.

I rested my back against the headboard and pulled my legs near my chest, gently hugging my knees.

I was waiting for him to show up but it's been more than ten minutes. As long as I know he was right outside the door when doctor was checking on me. It won't take a second to enter the room.

I gulped and stepped out of the bed before heading out of the room. He wasn't there. I turned left and right to check, he wasn't there so I decided to walk down the stairs.

And finally my eyes caught him sitting on the couch in living room. He was drowned in his thoughts so deep that he didn't notice me.

My heart shrunk at the thought of the possibilities that why is he zoned out, or why didn't he come to me when doctor left.

Does he also think that's bad idea? He also thinks I won't love Adhya if there would be second child? He also thinks that we don't need a second baby?

Me having those thoughts was fine. But if he was having the same, it's breaking my heart. I don't know but I had better expectations from him.

I walked to him and sat beside him and he still didn't notice me until I kept my hand on his shoulder.

He looked at me , he wasn't surprised to see me but he didn't say anything.

What's wrong' I asked in sign language and without saying anything he just pulled me in a gentle hug. I didn't get it but I hugged him back and he continued rubbing my back.

"Nothing ”

********
After that he didn't talk much to me. Even he didn't mention the pregnancy for once. I doubt he was trying to avoid it intentionally.

"Dadda, you know today my teacher praised me for my painting!!! " 
Adhya said in excitement but he just gave her a simple smile, it seemed forced.
Adhya has something to tell everyday about her school at dinner time. And he gets happy everyday and praise her more. But today he just smiled. That's not the way he behave everyday.
Her smile faded and she looked at me.

"Do you guys had fight? ” she asked with wide eyes and I just laughed before shaking my head.
I added more curry to her plate and patted her shoulder.

If he has problem he should just come over and tell me, we can discuss it. There is no need to sulk about it.

I am seriously mad for his behavior. It's not my fault that I am pregnant, it's not like I raped him.