STUCK | MxMxM

Chapter 20

A.N: I wrote this with phone so there might be lots of errors :))))

Stuck 20

It was always the worse when it came out of nowhere. They were watching a movie together after Nara's partner and their baby went to sleep. It was a comedy. He was laughing. So why... just fucking why.

An exhausted sigh found its way out of Theo's mouth as his chest fell from the loss of air. He bit on his tongue when he felt the tears building in his eyes but couldn't stop his eyebrows from getting in the shape that made him look so pathetically volnurable again.

Another scene that required laughing came to pass and when he didn't join Nara's quiet laughter, his friend turned to look at him.
"Theo?" She asked. It was always just his name with Nara. Theo, is an episode approaching?

He shook his head at the same time Nara paused the movie. "I'm fine." He said quietly.

She sat up, her body getting apart from him after having had leaned on him for the past 45 minutes. Her fingers found their way to the side of his face, caressing him on the temple lightly as Theo stared ahead, blinking slowly.

The pain kept on building up inside.
"Nara,"

"Hm?" Her gentle hum was enough to soothe his ache for the moment.

"If I die, when I die-"

"Don't say that..."

Turning his head to look at her momentarily, he smiled. "Everyone dies in the end, Nara." He then looked away. "Do you think... I'll finally be able to not have this feeling? My body is okay but somehow all of... me,hurts." A tear ran down on each side of his face slowly. He didn't have it in him to wipe them away. Neither did Nara. "We had this interview a while back. The person asked me, having achieved so many things, what is it that I want the most? Do you know what it was that came to my mind in a split second? ... Death." He sighed, tired of wrestling with himself all the damn time. "When I'm with Joe, for the most part I'm alright. When I see him, I remember all that he's done for me. And his love is enough." His eyes welled up more, blurring his vision. "But there are times where I feel so alone. I don't know why. I feel so guilty when it happens. I can even be having sex with him or playing with Daisy or talking to you but... this great loneliness hits me out of nowhere and I... I don't recognize who I am at that moment. For a second I'm not even able to understand the very fact that you guys are who you are to me. I feel so distant from life, that everything in it feels like a forced illusion." Blinking down his tears, he wiped them away as he exhaled roughly. Chuckling, he looked down at his lap. "Sorry."

Moving closer, Nara wrapped her arms around him from the side and put her head on his shoulder as she locked her fingers together over his other shoulder. "Don't apologize for feeling the way you do. Even if we don't completely understand it, it doesn't change the fact that they are happening to you." There was a pause. "Have you told Joe about this?"

"No." He put his hand over her arm, squeezing gently. "He'll worry and..." He laughed bitterly. "I don't want him attached to me at all times again like before." There was a time when his husband l, well back then he wasn't a husband yet, wouldn't even let him go as far as to the bathroom alone. Too scared he might kill himself in there somehow.

Nara remained silent. Theo knew she had things to say but decided to keep her opinion to herself.

Too much obsession can be suffocating, Theo.
You can live without him if you choose to one day, Theo.
You're making him your reason to live more and more. What if you lost him one day? What then?
She'd told him all that before.

Speaking of, Joe hadn't contacted him directly for the past week but he did ask Nara how he was through short, to the point, sentences. However... since noon, he hadn't texted Nara at all. Which was as big a shock as if an alien appeared in front of them right then.