Invisible

Not Now

Third Person POV

Celestia lied across her bed, unable to sleep. She was fully aware that tomorrow was Wednesday, and it was a school day. But her eyes could not shut down more than sixteen seconds. In short, she cannot sleep a wink.

She wanted to watch a movie, maybe Harry Potter or Arrow, but she was afraid of disturbing her parents by the noise. She wanted to play her phone, or maybe chat with her friends, but she knew that they're all asleep.

Because, it was three a.m.

'Damn it,' she thought. 'Two and a half more hours for me to sleep." She finally sat up, bored and confused. He kissed me. He kissed me. He kissed me!! But that wasn't the only thouhtbthat made her unable to sleep. That was only 3% of her worries.

She stood up and reached to her wall. It was painted like tidal waves, and as she closed her eyes while running her hand on it, she imagined that she was a pirate. Her hair blowing on the wind, her sword on her belt, sailing thought the seven seas.

Unbeknownst to her, there was another person who can't sleep in his own room, by the same reason.

Matthew's room was completely blue, but with posters of soccer and basketball teams, also with pictures of Lionel Messi and Christiano Ronaldo. He was sitting on his bed, turning on the table lamp beside him.

I kissed her. I kissed her. I kissed her!! It was shock, but it wasn't out of disgust. It was from delight. He had a known reputation as the 'Jock' and like the 'Soccer Captain', the complete opposite of Celestia.

She was elected as Class Leader more than five times, and she had her reputation; she was a good girl. The teacher's pet. The smart girl. She was not the girl who joined boys by playing soccer or basketball, like Joanne, Vanessa, Kiki, or sometimes(only for basketball) Kim.

She was more of the girl who stayed in the Library reading fiction novels, or the one who likes having a heart-to-heart talk with her best friends.

How can we even be together? He thought. Then, another thought came over. What if she doesn't wanna be together with me? Yes. He was sure about the second thought. He had hurt her too much. How can she just keep those scars inside and agree to go out with him? unBut he doesn't know,

She had kept it all inside for a long, long time.

Finally confused, he grabbed his phone, and texted simply;

'Hey, you awake?'

Celestia was surprised to hear her phone beep quietly, and Matthew was even more surprised to see a reply.

'Yeah. Can't sleep. You too?'

'Yeah. I've been thinking' he accidentally pressed the send button. He silently panicked. Nooo!!! I can't say anything about this.. I'll look like a wimp!! How can I say to her the word 'us' without making her fume?

Celestia waited anxiously, fiddling with her fingers with her phone on her lap, sitting on her Desk Chair, and she spun it around, and she was happy to see a reply, 'its better to have someone to chat with rather than me just sitting here, bored to death and doing nothing.'

The reply was quite confusing.

"What's he been thinking about? And why does he complete the message?" And she saw that he was not 'writing a message', like completing the sentence, so she just texted like this;

'What? If its anything about Charlotte, I'd rather close my eyes and go back to my unsuccessful try of sleeping.'

Matthew saw the reply, and he grimaced. Yeah, it definitely rubbed of her. Seeing me and Charlotte together in front of her, its like rubbing salt in a wound. Ouch.

'About us.' He finally dared himself to say the word.

'What us?' He got the reply.

'You know.. That day at the cafetaria..'

'That 'day' is last noon at school, Matthew. Besides, you didn't meant to do that,' Celestia texted back. And Matthew saw another reply, 'did you?'

Matthew took a deep breath before typing the words that he had been dreading all day.

'I did.'

Celestia wanted to shriek. But she can't, because her parents were sound asleep. If she did, it'll wake them.

She had been building walls around her heart for three years, not wanting to go through what she had been through, the same mistake she had made. But her walls crumbled with a single kiss.

So she yelled with no sound. A mix of emotions were inside her. Angry, dissapointed, horrified, troubled, you name it. Fuck! She thought.

Seeing that he had no response, Matthew sighed. "You're so stupid.." He growled to himself, running his hands through his hair.
Meanwhile, Celestia was muttering to herself in her room. "No, no, no, no, no!" She was worried. She knew Matthew was a player. Even Joanne and Vanessa confessed that they had fell for Matthew, but those feelings were already gone.

Celestia was not so lucky.

Seeing that he was the first guy who talked to her and became friends with her, she was pleased, and finally liked him. "Ugh, darn it!!" She grumbled, holding her phone. Rather than getting mad at herself, she decided otherwise.

'I'm sorry,' she texted.

'But just not now. I haven't recovered. It needs a while, and I don't want to go through it again. It's painful, y know. And it takes some effort so my dad won't make me go to a therapist to make me stop cutting.'

Matthew was delighted to see a reply, but his grin faded when he saw the words 'not now.' "I should've known..' He muttered. "Its best for her not to get hurt again.."

Celestia didn't know why, but she decided to break her record of 22 months not crying. She threw herself on her bed and sobbed. "WHY???" She shrieked, her voice muffled in her stack of pillows.

No one knew how it was that painful for her.

She doesn't want to do it, really.

But she had held those tears, those burden, and those scars long enough.

She is letting it go.

She is letting herself have no control.