Fragments Of Love Series Part 1 : Toxic Love [ SandRay - Only Friends ]

Farewell My Love

"Ready?" Mew had turned to Sand, who was sitting in the back seat of Top's car. It was almost a little ironic that just the three of them were in a car together.

"Not really." Sand admitted. I am dying of nervousness and want to throw up.

"Understandable." Mew turned his gaze to the street in front of them. "He'll be happy to see you. You can be sure of that."

"You did cheat." Ray threw his playing cards on the table and looked into the broadly grinning face of his playing partner.

"Did I?" Ray would probably never get used to Black's penetrating stare. "Or are you just too stupid to get the game?" Black had pulled the hood of his hoodie down over his eyes, as he usually did, and was triumphantly collecting the 5 cigarettes he had just won from Ray. They sat on the terrace outside the facility, surrounded by a beautiful garden.

"Asshole. I'm gonna get those back." Ray reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Got a lighter?"

"I see that at least that hasn't changed." It took Ray a moment to realize that this voice did not belong to Black. That the voice came from behind him, that it was the voice he had missed the most in the last months.

The embrace felt good, unreal, like a dream. It was as if Ray suddenly regained his strength. Greedily he inhaled Sand's scent, held him tightly as if the other would be torn away from him at any moment. Tears came to his eyes, tears of joy. "Is it really you? Are you really here?"

"Don't you have eyes in your head or are you on drugs?" Of course, Black had to ruin the moment.

"Just shut the fuck up." Ray hissed with an angry glare in Black's direction. Sand gently disengaged from Ray's embrace and let his gaze wander back and forth between Ray and Black.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your new friend...Ray?" Sand had that look in his eyes. The same look he had when him and Ray had first met in the bathroom at the Yolo Bar.

"Don't worry, Sunnyboy has told me so much about you. There's so much sand here we can almost get a whole beach. If we ask Talay to join us, we would even have the ocean." A throaty laugh came from Black's mouth. He tilted his head and then slowly stood up while adjusting his hood. He came to a stop in front of Sand and then looked him in the eye with a grin. "I'm Black. Nice to meet you." He eyed Sand and scanned him from top to bottom. "Ey Ray, you really don't have bad taste..." His gaze fell on Mew, who was standing a little apart from the others. "And who's your twin over there?" Ray rolled his eyes, this was not how he had imagined the first meeting with Sand. Did Black not have a trace of empathy in him at all? Of course not, he's a psychopath Ray. The guy only has positive feelings for is his little brother. Everyone else gets the silent treatment, 100% sarcasm or anger.

That's Mew…I told you about him." Ray chewed on his lower lip. He could handle Black to some extent by now, but he didn't know how he would react to his friends.

"Oh the ex then." Black grinned crookedly and took a drag on his glimmering cigarette. "Where's your boyfie?"

"Black shut it." Ray pulled the other back by his sweater. "How about you just leave us alone. Okay?" Black raised his hands as if a gun were pointed at him.

"By your command Sunnyboy. Enjoy your time with your wifey and your ex." He winked at Ray and then disappeared through the patio door inside the building. Sand looked after the guy with a raised eyebrow.

"What's his problem?" He turned to Ray.

"I have no idea, he's not usually like this. Maybe he can't tolerate the new meds." Ray ran a hand through his hair. "Actually, he barely talks and just writes random theories in his notebook all day. But now with the new meds, it seems like his confrontational and aggressive side is coming out more." He turned to Sand and Mew. "I'm sorry, this really isn't how I imagined our reunion."

"It's okay." Mew put a hand on Ray's shoulder. "We're just glad to finally get to visit you."

The friends had had a lot to talk about. Mew had told Ray how the hostel was going and that they were already making good numbers for the first 2 months. He had also told about what had happened with Cheum. "I can kind of understand her. Atom is her brother but that she didn't even apologize to Boston...that's really low of her"

"We understand that she stands by Atom, but that she continues to believe his lie even though he admitted everything..." Mew shook his head.

"Mew would you mind if I spoke to Sand privately for a moment?" Ray turned to his best friend.

"Of course not. I'll go ahead and say goodbye, though. There's a café down the street, Top's waiting there." He hugged Ray warmly. "Keep your chin up. I love you bro."

"I love you too Mew."

"What do you want to talk to me about?" Sand had a funny feeling in his stomach, like something ominous was about to happen. Ray took Sand's hands in his and gently stroked the back of the other's hand with his thumb.

"You said you'd wait for me, right?" Sand swallowed. Why are you asking me that, Ray?

"Of course I will wait for you." Sand felt that this conversation was going in a direction he absolutely did not like.

"How long? How long can you wait for me...Sand?" You could hear the desperation in Ray's voice. The pain it caused him to even ask the question.

"Why do you ask that...?" Sand had a lump in his throat, his voice trembling.

"I'm going to stay longer....six months is not long enough. There's so much I need to catch up on, so much I should still be working on. You know I miss you like crazy, right? I miss you so much it hurts...I..." Tears streaked through Ray's voice. He faltered, feeling everything inside him collapse at that moment.

"It's okay Ray..." Sand reached out his hand to the other, gently wiping the tears from Ray's cheek with both thumbs. "I understand." Do I really?

"Just please don't forget about me, okay?" Now Sand couldn't hold back the tears either. He pulled Ray into a hug again, so tight that Ray was afraid Sand would break all his bones. They didn't want to let go of each other, holding each other as if it was the last time they would see each other. Their tears soaked each other's shirts as they made promises they weren't sure they could keep. This time the farewell hurt a lot more than the goodbye three months before. This time a certain uncertainty was the tone of the game between them. There were so many words they wanted to say to each other, but neither of them could bring them to their lips.

Without being able to control themselves, their lips found each other, a kiss so full of love, so full of pain and uncertainty. They tasted the salt of each other's tears, unable to stop their own from falling. In that moment they forgot their agreement, the pact they had made with each other before Ray left. Bittersweet, heartbreaking.

They were in a trance when their lips parted. A dazed look flushed over their faces as reality took over them.

"Promise me you won't forget me, Ray." Sand swallowed, stroking the other's cheek once more with trembling fingers.

"You won't forget me either right, Sand?" Sand nodded, unable to speak another word. "I'll write to you every week, you hear me?" Ray put his hands on Sand's cheeks, their foreheads resting against each other's. Sand nodded again. "I love you Sand. I love you so much. Please be patient with me will you? I will come back stronger. Be the perfect man for you. I just need a little more time." Sand swallowed audibly. Why does it sound like a damn farewell?

"I believe in you." The words came tremblingly over Sand's lips. "I will always believe in you. I'm so proud of you for...for realizing what you need, and if that's the right thing for you at the moment, then I won't stand in your way." He gave Ray a kiss on the forehead, and gently broke away from him. "I love you Ray…so much."

"I'll walk you to the door." The walk to the entrance seemed far too short and too long at the same time. At the exit, they hugged one last time before the heavy front door opened with buzzing sound. Sand turned once more, waving to Ray before the door slammed shut behind him.

Neither of them knew at that moment what the future would hold for them. The only certainty they had was their love for each other and that they wanted nothing more in this world than the other to be happy.