Fragments Of Love Series Part 1 : Toxic Love [ SandRay - Only Friends ]

Loving You Is A Losing Game

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Sand,

How are things with Summer? Do you miss Nick?
I hope she's good to you.
Write to me soon, please.

Ray.

Hey Sand,

It's been two weeks since I last heard from you.
Is everything okay with you?
I miss you.

Love Ray.

"No letter again this week?" Black pulled his hood off his head. He and Ray sat together on the porch smoking a cigarette. Ray shook his head and looked at the smoke they were blowing out into the night.

"He seems to have a lot on his mind."

"That's just a cheap excuse." Black sounded frustrated. "When did you last see each other?"

"New Year's..." Ray ran a hand through his hair. He had requested for New Year's Eve that Sand be allowed to spend the night with him. It had been one of the last good memories Sand and he had shared. They had talked about Summer and apparently Sand and her got along very well. She also made music and liked to go to concerts, at least Sand had mentioned that in passing.

"That was two months ago." You don't say Black.

"Yeah...that was two months ago..." Ray muttered.

"Cheer up, by now I've known you and through you, him, for almost a year. I believe you guys will get through this." Black gave Ray a friendly pat on the back. "You can do it, you and Sand."

Ray,
I'm coming to see you. End of the month. I know I haven't checked in with you in a long time. I'm so sorry I haven't contacted you in so long.
We need to talk.
I miss you. Please forgive me.
Sand

"Ray." Sand fell around his friend's neck. It was strange to have the other so close again, almost three months had passed since their last embrace. Three long months.

"I missed you so much." Ray buried his face against Sand's shoulder. "You smell different." He noted, breaking away from Sand's embrace.

"Must be that new laundry detergent Summer's been using." Ray raised an eyebrow and took a step away from Sand.

"She washes your clothes? Can't you do it yourself?" Ray crossed his arms. Actually, he didn't want to react that way, but the words just bubbled out of him. "Does she comb your hair too or can you still do it by yourself huh?"

"Ray, now calm down." Sand made a placating gesture. "She does the laundry, I clean. We call it division of labor."

"Division of labor…" You have no right to get jealous Ray, get a grip. "If it works out between you..."

"Even very well, Ray." The mood between them seemed icy, chilly.

"You hardly ever write to me anymore." Of course, Ray hadn't been able to stifle the comment. "Do you even care about me anymore Sand, or is your life out there even better without me?"

"I'm busy, Ray. I've really got a lot to do. Uni..." Sand fiddled with his leather jacket and looked down at the floor.

"I know that Sand." Ray tried to get his voice under control, not to get too loud. He tried not to let it show how hurt he was. "I know you have a life out there. But do you really not have the time to sit down for five minutes and write me a letter?" His voice trembled. Tears gathered in his eyes. "Have you become so indifferent to me, Sand?"

"Ray…"

"Answer the question, please? Am I not worth it to you anymore? I could understand you. A friend who lives in an institution and can't be an active part of your life...why would you want to keep someone like that in your life?" Ray now had tears running down his cheeks. "You know, I think it would be easier for the two of us not to see each other at all again."

"Don't say things like that Ray. Please don't..." Sand took a step toward Ray. "Please..."

"Can you answer the question for me? Do I still mean something to you? Can you still not imagine your life without me?" Sand remained silent, silent tears running down his cheeks. "Then I guess I got my answer...it would be better if you left now."

"Ray...don't do this." Sand reached for the other's hand. "I promised you..."

"It doesn't matter...you broke your promise a long time ago." Ray freed himself from Sand's hand. "Please go now. Before things get even worse for us." Sand swallowed audibly.

"I'm sorry Ray..." Ray took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions. But not a word passed his lips. Sand hesitated for a moment before turning away from Ray. Ray looked at Sand until he disappeared from his field of vision, before he collapsed with a silent scream and began to cry softly.

Arms wrapped protectively around Ray. They held him and hugged him tightly. Black whispered soothing words to him, managed to get the other to their room and put him to bed. There Ray curled up, that poor boy T-shirt of Sand tight in his arms. He cried until he had no more tears left in him, until his pillow was wet from all the feelings that had flowed from Ray's eyes. Black did not leave his side. Not for a second did he leave Ray alone with his grief.

Sand had to stop more than once on the way home. Tears obscured his vision, his heart felt as if it would burst into a thousand pieces at any moment.
As if remote-controlled, he ran up the stairs to his apartment. He felt empty, as if someone had come and sucked all happiness and cheerfulness out of him.

He looked around his apartment, it was as if he could see the changes in it clearly for the first time. The white carpet on the floor, the pictures of Summer and her friends mixed in with those of Sand and them together, all neatly put up in white picture frames on the wall.
It was the first time he felt like a stranger in his apartment.
Anger rose in him. Anger at himself, anger at Ray, at alcohol, at everything that had come between them.

With a clink the vase fell to the floor, the red roses formed a contrast to the white carpet and sand collapsed, just as the vase had done before.

Is this all that is left of us? The Fragments of our love lie in pieces just like the broken glass of the vase in front of me.

The pain of his broken love was so great that it overshadowed that of the shards of glass piercing Sand's bare feet, the blood soaking into the carpet beneath, staining it red. Blood and love, represented by the same color, because a heart cannot exist without either one or the other.