𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

KANE

Wetting my hand, I shake it off and ruffle my hair, desperately trying to calm the storm of nerves swirling within me. Shutting off the tap, I gaze into the mirror, my reflection revealing a mix of anticipation and dread as I take a deep breath, steadying my breathing.

I'm leaving today.

After four long years in rehab, today marks the moment I step back into the world. It was supposed to be a two year stay, but then the ghost of December came crashing down on me.

That was my first Christmas on my own, and the memories of the previous two years— spent in rehab, yet surrounded by others— felt like a distant echo. When I returned home, it was the third Christmas I had to spend since my dad died. Something inside me shattered and I succumbed to the familiar darkness. I relapsed.

Waking up in the aftermath, I was engulfed by a wave of shame. I had fought so hard for two years, yet something so seemingly trivial had brought me to my knees. I quickly admitted myself back into rehab, and now, two years later, I stand on the precipice of freedom once again.

"Kane!" The knock reverberates through the room, once, then twice. "Kane, sweetheart, you up?"

I clear my throat, the lump of anxiety tightening within, and grab a towel to dry my hands while walking towards the door. I open it, forcing my lips into a polite smile, though it feels more like a mask than a true expression.

"I'm up, Agatha. Thank you."

Her smile is warm and motherly, a comforting presence in a moment of uncertainty. Agatha reaches out, her hand gently patting my cheek, grounding me with her kindness.

"Good, good. Come have breakfast while we get your transport ready, hon."

I nod, swallowing hard as the weight of my nerves settle heavily on my chest. Why am I so anxious? I should feel relief, a sense of triumph even. I'm finally going home. Just as she turns to leave, she glances back, raising an eyebrow with an attentive look.

"Your friend is picking you up, am I correct?"

Jane assured me he would be here, even called to confirm, but doubt creeps in. What if he changed his mind at the last moment? I wouldn't blame him; I abandoned him, ignoring all his efforts and attempts to reach out.

I clear my throat again, forcing the words out. "Yes, he is."

Agatha rubs my shoulder affectionately, her smile warm and reassuring. "Don't worry, hon. I'm sure he's already on his way."

I nod again, and we exchange one last smile before she turns and walks away. As the door clicks shut behind her, I release a heavy breath, leaning against it as a wave of mixed emotions wash over me.

I haven't kept it touch with anyone for quite some time. At first, I tried— writing letters and sending texts— but geadually I withdrew. I knew my silence was hurting, and found it easier to distance myself. Yet, I did maintain a connection with him. He messaged me everyday without fail, offering updates, checking in on me, or simply sharing pointless details about his life.

I hardly responded, but he never missed a day. I didn't ask him to pick me up out of fear. Fear he'd say no. I backed out at the last moment and let Jane takeover instead. I'm not so why I was so frightened to reach out to him, especially when he needed to know I was okay.