𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

chapter 38

KANE

Slamming the door behind me, I clench my eyes and fists at the sound of it opening again. What, what now? Leave me the fuck alone. Gritting my teeth, my jaw ticking, I ignore the person and walk towards the kitchen, filling up a glass of water.

The hospital said the same thing as before. My liver and kidneys are failing. I might need surgery. I might lose the ability to walk if I don't start treatment. But why don't they understand? I want to die. I don't care how I get there.

"Kane?" It's hesitant and quiet, and I hate myself for making her feel like that. I'm being such a dick to her, but she won't let me live my fate. She won't leave me to die. I don't know if I want to smile or scream at that.

"What?" She doesn't reply, and something ticks inside of me. It's been three weeks since I nearly choked on my own saliva. For three weeks, I haven't had anything to calm the itch I'm feeling, and it's getting unbearable. Every bone in my body aches, shakes, and twitches. I wake up every night soaked in sweat, chest aching. When will everyone understand that if they don't stop pestering me, I'm going to blow? Sipping the water, I click my tongue against my teeth and turn around, body turning tense.

Isabelle, my Izzy, is standing there, all small and shy. Hair braided into plaits, grey sweats and sweatshirt dressing her body, a tentive look is on her face. It's like a slap in the face. Everything I've ever wanted is right here before me, but I cannot take it. I choose not to take it, knowing that as soon as my hands get onto it, it'll be tainted.

She can't see me suffer like this anymore. I can't put her through it anymore. I know she blames herself, and I wish I could assure her and tell her it's not her fault, but then she'll want more. She'll want the version of Kane that does not exist anymore. It's time I did her a favor. I wish I could be the man she wants. The man she'll grow old with The man with whom she'd have children It's all I ever wanted, but my mind, body, and soul cannot handle another second on this earth anymore.

"I said what?" I repeat, my fingers tightening around the glass. Her eyes widen slightly, and she tugs at her sleeves. Run, I want to say. Leave. But I scowled.

"Uh, i..." Her mouth shuts again, her tongue licking her lips nervously. Izzy tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, watching me sip my water, and takes in a deep breath, as if she's composing herself. As if she's taking the biggest risk of her life. She looks brave. Determained.

"Want some dinner?" I don't answer. "I know you're upset about the hospital, but it's good to be informed about this, so we know what to do next." She twines her fingers, her eyes darting between me and the floor. "And then we can start the treatment plan as soon as possible—"

"No!" Her shoulders jump. "Stop playing hero, Isabelle; I don't need you or your fucking help. So please, please, leave. I'm asking you with the last bit of sanity I'm holding onto. Do us both a favor and leave."

Listen to me. Listen to what I'm saying. I plead her with my eyes.

Her eyes turn glossy, and she bites her lips. She shakes her head, a pleading look on her face. "I can't, Kane." Izzy mutters, wiping her eyes. "It kills me to see you like this. I can't abandon you, not again."

I frown. My neck twitches, followed by my shoulder, and my stomach lurches, as if something from the inside is trying to escape. I hide the pain I'm feeling. I'm losing my patience.

"Isabelle, it's not your fault." I try to soften my voice, but it comes out scratchy. My ears ring, and my skin itches again. There's that feeling again. I want—no need—to inject myself and get rid of the sensation I'm feeling. I speak between clenched teeth, trying my best to hold on for her.