𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄

Apologies and closeness

Grinny

Now I think about it, he accused me for cheating on him.
He knew about me coming home with frank and then cake with card and he thought I'm cheating on him, that was the reason of all this.
I'm not that hurt from all the beating but I'm more hurt from the names he called me by.
He titled me slut, whore , bitch and what not.
Never in my life ,I even did anything to be called out by those name, he pointed fingers on my character, he raised questions on my dignity, he looked at me with pure disgust and that's something I can't bear at all.
I want to hate him for all the things he did to me, and I really am mad, but I can swear on anything in this world that he was a complete different person when he was angry and my heart don't accept it all as his fault only.

But when his rage was faded, I saw his green eyes and they weren't scary, and he didn't hurt me after that, and he even put ointment and bandage in my room;he didn't have to if he's just a jerk.
I know I'm an idiot and I know that may be he is just a horrible person but after last night, I know something is wrong.
He is not what he is showing, there is something that I don't know.
And I have to find out.
He didn't came home for lunch, and all I could think about is him looking down on me.
I don't know why I care so much , but him thinking that I'm a lier and I tried cheating on him is bothering me so much.
I can't sleep , I didn't even ate anything, all I want is to clear my self to him, to tell him that he is wrong I'm not a whore.
I'm scared too, what if won't listen to me, what if he'll beat me again or may be he'll just kill me.
When he came home, he didn't come up in his room instead he went directly in his office.
I'm stressing out so much and I don't even know the reason, I waited till 8:30 on dining table but he didn't come.
He never eat after 8.pm , it's his routine; I know.
He didn't came out of his office and I didn't have guts to go to him , grabbing two slices of bread , I went to my room, I can't sleep, my mind is somewhere down hall.
He didn't see me all day and worst than that he didn't even had dinner, he never misses his meals but today he did; because of me.
.
.
.
Only I know how I spend last night, I can't stop thinking about him, even when he is the one to hurt me .
It's 10 min past his breakfast time, I made breakfast as per menu but still he didn't came.
I saw his room doors were half open, he was not there, must be in his office.
I'm out of my mind to walk up to his office, these halls made me realise I've been here before; when he dragged me to that last room in this hall.
Goosebumps spread all over my body, and my heart is racing like a sports car, should I just go and let my pride and dignity under his feet or I should clear my self.
I'm out of mind to stand outside his door, and I did what I shouldn't.
I knocked on his door,"Come in", same empty voice.
Taking deep breath, and holding my trembling hands together, I pushed the door open and went in, I can't even look up, I'm afraid that if I'll see him, he'll b same as that night.
How will I ever ask him for breakfast when I don't even have guts to look up.
I'm scared but taking as a protection that he is away, I asked him for breakfast and he told me to leave.
He voice is cold and filled with nothing but hate, I have to tell him, I'm not a whore , he is wrong, he can't just hate me for nothing.
I tried to control my emotions but they are my own enemy, tears start forming under my lashes, "Please" ,I said holding onto a hope that if I'll look up , I'll see him warm and humble not dark and devil.
He stood up and I thought he'll again grab me and beat me, I tried my best not to run away.
"I don't eat with liers and betrayers " his words were like knife right throw my heart.
No one ever accused me for anything like this, and I don't know why I care so much for what he thinks of me, but right now his words are killing me.
I break down into tears and fall on my knees infront of him.
I can't control my self, it hurts when he talk like this to me, "I'm not a la..la..lier, I was ju..St afrai..d you'll punis..sh me aga.in, I'm not a whore, ja..cob is just my frien..d I swear ,I'm n..ot a s..slut don't pl..s don't ca.ll me th..at" my words limped and I cried on my knees and he stand there , infront of me ,still with his hands in his pocket and his eyebrows scrunch together where his eyes held emptiness.
"I'm so.rry pl..ease don't treat me like this I'm not a l..ier I don't cheat , don't thin..k of me as a SL....UT".
As hard as these words were hard to say, it's even more hard to look at him.
My heart is breaking with every ticking second of his office clock.
"Iaa..m so...ryyy" I said in between hiccups and tears,
I closed my eyes and put both of my hands on my chest; I'm hurt.
Not too late when I felt two big hands engulfing me into something warm and hard;his chest.
He patted his fingers on my back
"Hushhh, it's ok", is all I heard, I broke down, him hugging me signals that he forgave me, and the source of the guts I have now is unknown.
I looked up and his face is inches away from me ,"I'm n..ot a w..hor..e, I nev...er wan..t..ted to hur..tt your fe.elin..gs", I tell him crying and shooking my head furiously.
It's the first time I'm this close to him, I clutch onto his shirt with my two fingers; I'm running on my luck today.