𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄

Drugs

Josh

I feel like I'm going to die, she can't do this , she can't I... I accepted her and sh..e.
When I punched him , she acted like a fish out of sea, she pushed me, she shouted at me , she even slapped me.
Why to do drama when she was already over me and sleeping with that bastard.
I know why she is doing this all drama with me , ofcourse for  money.
If not for me who would pay her tution fee and for her tannis tournament... that bitch.
I'll free her I won't giver a single chance to fuck me over, I'll leave her instead.

I left hospital, her crying and begging, even though I know it's fake but it seems to do insane mess to me.
I hurried myself out of hospital but my steps betrayed me too, I stumble on my own foot and fell.
Few people pass by commented on me, I feel like that Josh 6years ago, all over again and that's the last thing I wanted to be.
I hurried to my car and light up a cegrette, just when it went down my throat then only I felt my breath, as if it was stucked until now.

I saw Matt coming out running and I quickly got inside my car and left, I didn't want anyone to give me lecture or take her side or anything , all I want is to be alone.

In my mind only her face is swirling, her tears , the way she slapped me and the way she..she protected him.
I didn't realise when tears started flowing, making the sight infront blur.

I stopped my car, parked in a dark alley.

I held a bottle of whiskey in my hand that I bought from the store I passed by, and drank it like water, hoping to drown my sorrows. I wanted to numb this pain, to erase my memories, to silence my thoughts.

I felt numb, but not enough. I wanted to forget, but I couldn't. I wanted to die, but I didn't have the courage. I was trapped in my own hell, and i couldn't get out.
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Entering my house I saw gaurds outside, they were looking at me stunned, looking at me and then at the car, back and forth, must be wondering where is she.

I hurried myself in and taking another bottle of alcohol,I gulped it down, sure it was bitter, sure it burned my throat, but it sure solaced my blazing heart.

I felt a sharp pain in his chest, as if someone had stabbed me with a knife. I gasped for air, but I couldn't breathe. I clutched my heart, but it couldn't heal. I was in pain, and I couldn't bear it.

I thought of her, and I wished I could forget.
Just the thought of her smile, her voice, her touch. I thought of the moments we  had shared, the memories we had made, the promises we were supposed to keep.
I thought of how happy we had been, how perfect we must had seemed, how ...I recovered from her warmth.

No one can understand the pain I'm feeling, how my body is clenching with anger and frustration, only I know what I'm going through right now.
The whole house is silent, it's dark, it's not home anymore.
I can feel the hurt , the pain , I can feel my heart being crashed into thousands of pieces.
I looked around the room , each and every corner reminds me of her, the way she used to fell sleep on couch, the way she used to wait for me outside my office the way she used work in kitchen... everything here fucks my head.
I feel myself sink in this pain, alone again , I'm again alone, this house is eating me inside and out.

I can't, I can't stay here for a moment anymore, this house is pitying me , these walls are laughing at me for being foolish and trusting again.
Grabbing my coat, wallet and alcohol ,I left this fucking house, I'm getting insane here.

Before getting in my car, told gaurds to not let anyone in this house without my permission.
"Even if it's her, don't let her in,otherwise...
and you know I'm not just saying"
They nodded and I left, I don't know myself where I'm going but I'm not staying here, not even for a moment.

My phone started ringing, again and again; it's her.
Why she is calling me now, now she is all free to take care of her lover.
Just thinking about it made tears weld in my eyes; I freakin trusted her.
I couldn't even drive, all the flashbacks of our moments are killing me, and she is calling me again and agian, what does she want now?!

I already gave her the freedom she was craving for, now what!!!
I had seen the fear, the anger, the disappointment in her eyes. I had seen the love, the joy, the warmth fade away. I had seen her holding that motherfucking, I had seen her standing with him against me.

I looked at my phone, and saw her picture. I saw her smile, her eyes, her hair.
I saw the love, the joy, the warmth. I saw everything I had lost, everything I had missed, everything I had wasted.
I felt a surge of anger, of pain, of regret. I smashed my phone on dashboard and threw the bottle on the bottle at the bottom.
I screamed, but no one listened. I bled, but no one helped.

I had driven aimlessly for hours, trying to escape from reality. I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. I felt lost, hopeless, worthless.

Somewhere in high way, somewhere out of that city, out of reach.

I saw a medical Target shop and restraunt, quite strange in  mid highway but since it's  out of city there is possibility it have exactly what I want.

I went in and It was almost empty, only the cashier and the owner.
Sure it looked like they didn't expected anyone at this hour.
I quickly went and grabbed what I needed my medicines and water but something extra caught my eyes and  without a second thought I just took it with me to bill.
Cashier looked at me up and down and then scanned the things, "Your I'd?".
He asked making me jolt a little; I was zoned out.
Taking out my wallet few things dropped on the floor,my hands are shaking, my whole body is sweating; I'm again having anxiety attack.

"Are you okay Mr." He asked and nodding a little I gave him my I'd.
He billed it out and I hurried to my car and drove off to further away on highway.

My reflection in the mirror is like the one in water, I don't it's because I'm drunk or I'm having attack but whatever it is I have to ease my self.
I sat in my car, staring at the dark sky. I felt a surge of emptiness and despair, as I remembered the scene of her hugging frank.

I swallowed a handful of them; my antidepressants, hoping they would make me feel something, anything, other than the crushing sadness that consumed me.

I'm still sweating, lot of thoughts are hammering my head like a rod, my eyes are burning and my heart is pounding like crazy and throat is heavy.
I needed a escape and that's what I got from that store; morphine analgesic.

Pulling my car to side ,I locked doors and windows .
I took a deep breath and mould the liquid in injection.
Clamping my hands with shivery once, I eject it all in my viens

As soon as morphine mixed with my blood and ran in viens suddenly my heart started beating slowly, it's not pounding anymore.

I closed my eyes, and let the drugs take over my mind. I saw flashes of grinny's face, smiling, laughing, kissing me.
I heard her voice, saying she won't ever betray him, telling me she care about me, she was sorry, she wanted me back.
I felt a pang of longing, mixed with anger and resentment.
I wanted to believe her, to forgive her, to take her back.
But I knew it's already too late, the damage had been done, too much trust had been broken.

Tears escaped from the corner of my eyes as I put my head back on seat and feel my self to feel no more.

Everything around me started shutting down,
I'm not thinking anymore, no pain, no regret nothing.
I closed my eyes and let my self fall in the darkness I've conquest for myself out the brightning pain of this world.

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Author's note -
Hi everyone, see I uploaded pretty soon this chapter.
I have uploaded a new book too, I just want you to check that story out too.
I'm sure you won't regret it(:
Also please vote.❤️