Fated To Love You

chapter 17

Akk was tired. It was tiring to always have constant berating voices in his head. To always feel inadequate and unworthy. It didn't matter how much Ayan told him how great he was. The voices in his head were always louder and meaner.

His body was exhausted, constantly in pain. Every muscle in his body ached, and all he wanted to do was lay in bed, but he couldn't do that. No. He was a responsible adult with adult things he had to do like work.

His work was not a problem. He actually enjoyed it. It distracted him, and every time he was working, the mean voices in his head would quiet down.

Akk knew that having a constant depressed fiancé was not what Ayan deserved. Ayan deserved everything good. He deserved flowers, breakfast in bed, and expensive jewellery. Ayan deserved to have the ground he walked on worshipped because he was amazing.

Akk loved Ayan. He loved him so much that every time he would feel his depressive mode start, he would mask it with a smile. He would shower Ayan with kisses, breakfast in bed, and all the expensive gifts he could afford.

Ayan wasn't made to deal with Akk's depression. That isn't what he was made for, Ayan was made for everything that was good in this world.

Akk's therapist had told him he was good at masking, and apparently, that was not a compliment. Apparently, being a functional depressed person was not a compliment either. Apparently, that made him unpredictable.

Everytime Akk had a session with his psychiatrist he ended up in either a higher dose of his antidepressants or with a new regime of antidepressants and mood stabilisers, some of them he could barely pronounce and the dosages was higher than he would like.

He ended up living of pills. They had to give him vitamins and pills for gastric ulcers because the pills he was taking gave him terrible gastric pain. He was also taking pills to help him eat because some of the pills suppressed his appetite.

Akk didn't have a problem with eating. The problem was eating food that wasn't prepared or didn't come directly from Ayan, which was a problem.

His therapist had told him that it was a form of an eating disorder called selective eating, but Akk thought it was ridiculous because he wasn't particularly picky when it came to his choice of food. It just so happened that food that didn't come directly from Ayan tasted bland and his brain told him the food were somehow unsafe to consume (okay maybe he sees where his therapist's theory of an eating disorder came from)

So Akk wasn't miserable, but he wasn't happy either, even though Ayan made him happy. It was complicated, and sometimes some things didn't make sense because the voices in his head would get too loud for him to make sense of things.

Akk didn't know how to feel exactly, but he wanted to try. For Ayan. Akk just thinks he just forgot how to be happy.  Maybe being happy wasn't meant for him. It was just something he could never be.

He was content, content with his love for Ayan. He was content being alive, and living for Ayan made him feel content.

"Bigfoot..." Ayan called out softly to him.

It was 2am, and he was working downstairs because the voices in his head were too loud, again preventing him from sleeping.

"Why are you up this late? I missed your warmth in our bed." Ayan said softly as he walked up to him and cupped his face .

Ayan's hands were warm, and he had a comforting scent about him, like a warm spring day. Ayan smelled like freshly bloomed flowers on a spring day.

"I am sorry, love. I couldn't sleep. So I thought I should catch up on some work." Akk replied, leaning on to the warmth of Ayan's hands.

Ayan gave him a gentle peck on the lips.

"You work too hard... what's wrong? Is your brain being mean to you again?"  Ayan asked as he shifted the laptop aside and straddled him.

"I don't want to bother you," Akk said softly with his hands resting on Ayan's hips.

"You are never a bother to me, Akk." Ayan replied softly, peppering Akk's face with small and gentle kisses.

"I know, but you were not made for this. That's not what you were made for." Akk  said, his hands automatically moving to wrap themselves around Ayan's waist.

"What was I made for then?" Ayan asked, resting his head on Akk's forehead.

"You were made for everything good, to be happy and smile. Not to deal with this." Akk replied, voice small with a self-deprecating smile.

Ayan shook his head slowly. "I was made to love you. I was made for you, Akk, just as you were made for me. If something is bothering you, please tell me. Sometimes I see you are not fine, but I choose not to pester you because I figured maybe you want to deal with it by yourself, but I want to tell you that you don't have to. I love you, Akk, and it hurts me to see you struggling. Just let me in na"

Akk looked at Ayan in awe. How did he get so lucky? To have someone so perfect, loving, and caring love him this much.

"I know... I will try." Akk said softly and gave Ayan a peck on the cheek.

"Good... now let's get try to get some sleep, " Ayan said so softly it came out as a whisper.

But before he could stand up, Akk tightened his hold on his hips with a slight mischievous smile.

"You know I read about other methods that could help with sleeping." Akk said, earning himself a chuckle from Ayan.

"You are so shameless." Ayan replied before devouring Akk's lips.

They ended up fucking on the desk table and fucked again on their bed. The method worked because the voices were more quiet and Akk managed to get some sleep that night.

The morning Akk woke up to the sound of Ayan singing while he prepared breakfast for them both. It was a beautiful sight. Ayan was always beautiful when he smiled.

"Morning sleepy head!" Ayan said happily when he caught sight of him.

"Morning beautiful." Akk simply replied with a smile on his face.

"Are you trying to sweet talk me? Or seduce me? Because it is totally working." Ayan replied with a beaming grin.

So they ended up having sex before breakfast, again after breakfast and in the shower as well.

That day neither of them went to work.

"I love you more than the words on paper can express. I can't live my life without you. You're my beautiful angel that keeps me looking up. You keep me from drowning. I live, breathe, and sleep you baby. I will always love you " Akk said his hands gently carding Ayan's hair.

"If anyone is an angel it's you." Ayan said gently tracing his forefinger on Akk's scars.

"All this." Ayan said tracing the scars on Akk's arms "is proof that you are angel trapped on earth that you tried so hard to return back to heaven." He took Akk's arm and peppered small gentle kisses on his scars. "Heaven must be missing the prettiest angel."

And with that, they had sex again.

Akk figured that maybe Ayan wasn't made to deal with his depressed moods, but surely Ayan was made for him. Together, they fit like two pieces of a puzzle. They made sense together.

They were made for each other. Soul mates. Fated pairs.

XoXO🐈🐈‍⬛🧡