The Iron Thorn | Theon Greyjoy

14.

Theon

   "You heard the man," Massey announced, bringing her hands together with a loud clap. "If you'll excuse me, my lords."

   "Wait-"

   "Robb, I'm alright. Truly. I'll talk with you later," she assured him curtly before turning to Luwin. "Thank you for taking such good care of me. Thank you as well, Theon."

   She nodded toward me meekly and left for her chambers. As she trailed off into the distance, I saw her twirling the ends of my iron chain between her fingers. The events of the last hour or so had taken up the rest of the time I was meant to practice with Bran, so I started for my own chambers to get washed up for dinner.

   "Hang on," Robb said as he grabbed my shoulder roughly to stop me. "What happened? How was she hurt?"

   "Arya hit her," I snapped back. I reflected for a moment on how harshly I had responded. Still, I didn't like what he was implying. "Just like she said. I wasn't even there."

   "Then why are you covered in blood?"

   For the first time, I looked down to examine the splotches of Massey's blood on my clothes and hands. I hadn't even noticed how much there was until now. "Arya ran back for— does it matter? I was helping her."

   "Yes, you always seem to be around at the right times," he scoffed, his back straight and a look of disgust on his face.

   "What's that supposed to mean?"

   "It means I see the way you look at her. I'm not stupid, Theon." He spat my name at me like it was something to be ashamed of. Like it was the worst thing he could think to call me.

   "And you're threatened by that?" I stepped closer to him, welcoming any response he might be ready to give. "By me?"

   Robb stared back at me, obviously stopping himself from what he had really wanted to say. I'm not happy to fight with him, but we fought like brothers. I often thought of him as my brother, but I was constantly reminded that he was not. I won't get into a pissing contest with him. It seemed to me that he didn't even want her. He just didn't like the idea of losing to me. Still, the truth of the matter is that I knew why Massey had come to Winterfell. The guilt I had felt not only from our shared kiss, but from the mere lingering thought of her was a heavy burden to carry.

"I know why she's here," I admitted after a few more moments of tense silence. Robb didn't meet my eyes, but he was listening. "There is nothing to worry about."

   "I'm not worried," he snapped back, finally bringing his eyes to mine.

   "Then, we have no more to discuss. If you'll excuse me."

   I did not wait for any dismissal, or even a response, before marching off to my room, shedding blood stained layers and anger as I took the final steps to my chamber door. I scrubbed my hands more harshly than I had intended, Massey's blood darkening the water that flowed from my basin. I was, of course, not being completely honest when I told Robb to not be worried. Since that night in the library, things only grew more confusing by the day. Everyday I saw her with Robb. Yet, everyday I felt her eyes on me, almost with a yearning. A yearning I seemed to reciprocate no matter how much I attempted to keep my distance from her, no matter how I tried to distract myself. How stupid I was to have squandered even a moment where her eyes were solely on me.

   One morning, I'd wake with complete clarity that she should realistically be nothing to me. The next, I'd wake disappointed to not find her warmth and laughter near as I had in my dreams. Her compassion, her gentle touch. Then, no matter which way I had woken up, my next thought was always of another man delighting in any of the above. It was enough to drive a lesser man mad. At Pyke— at home, I knew how this would be settled. Here at Winterfell, things were handled much differently. There must be common ground between my desires for her and my loyalty to Robb. I'd just have to find the sweet spot in the middle of the two. After all, they were not yet betrothed. After burying every conflicting thought as far down as I could stomach them, I pulled myself together and made for dinner.

Though I had predicted as much, Massey did not show.