Hate The Game (COMPLETED)

Epilogue (Part 2)

Epilogue (Part 2)

I oftentimes hear people say na hindi nila alam kung saan nagsimula magkagulo ang lahat. That was not the case for me. I knew exactly when my life began to fall apart.

Probably because I was not in denial.

I saw the cracks.

I tried to fix the cracks.

But I knew that it was just a matter of time before things crumble down.

"Happy birthday, D," sabi ko nang makita ko siya. "Tanda mo na."

I wanted to lighten up the mood. Kahit ngayon lang. Alam ko naman kasi na magulo na kami... Pero alam ko rin na pareho naming gustong ayusin 'to. Kasi alam ko na kung ako lang ang may gusto, wala na sana siya rito ngayon. Kasi madali lang naman akong iwanan—mas madali akong iwanan kaysa ipaglaban.

And the fact that she's here?

I knew I must've done something right before to have her in my life.

Umirap siya. "Nagsalita iyong gurang."

I spent hours trying to fix up the place. Ewan. Maybe I was trying to compensate. Maybe because I was guilty. Maybe because I was selfish—dahil alam ko na mas dadali iyong buhay niya kapag wala ako, pero dahil maka-sarili ako, mas gusto ko na kasama ko pa rin siya kahit alam ko na nahihirapan siya.

Maswerte ako sa kanya...

Pero parang minalas siya sa akin.

"Aattend ka mamaya?" tanong ni Lui sa akin.

"Hindi," sagot ko. "Ikaw?"

"Hindi rin."

"Talaga?" nagtatakang tanong ko.

Lui had always attended the initiation rites... May pagka-gago din kasi 'to. Nag-e-enjoy ata na pahirapan iyong mga neo. Pero kahit ganyan si Lui, halata na hindi siya nag-e-enjoy kapag paluan na. I'd see him try his best na 'wag lakasan. Kung pwede nga lang na 'wag na naming gawin 'yon, e. Kaya pareho kaming stressed kapag maraming aattend na alumni.

"Yeah..." he replied. "Done with that shit," he continued. Tumingin siya sa akin. "Ikaw? Bakit 'di ka aattend?"

I just shrugged, but we both knew why.

"So... no more presidency?"

I remained silent.

I wanted the presidency.

Ewan.

I had a lot of plans for the fraternity. Maybe I was ambitious, but I knew I could make it better. Kasi maayos naman kami. Marami naman sa amin iyong maaayos. Pero kapag gago iyong nasa taas, anong magagawa namin?

So, I thought I could make a difference if I become the president. Kasi kahit si Maven, wala namang pakielam. And I couldn't exactly blame him... Ayaw niya naman talaga sa amin. So, why expect him to fix the mess that he didn't create nor want in the first place?

But being the president meant losing Deanne.

"Maybe next lifetime," sabi ko na lang.

"Yeah... next lifetime, I'd stay far away from you all."

Natawa ako. "Gago. Ikaw 'yung bad influence."

He gave me the middle finger. "But seriously, you would've make a great president," sabi niya. "Not that the bar is high," he continued, pertaining to Maven na basically sa akin din iniwan iyong responsibilidad.

I just remained silent.

I'd probably think about the presidency every now and then... but I'd seriously rather lose that than to lose Deanne—I'd take the loss that I can actually live with.