Love is not enough

Your kisses are scars

Adele's Pov:

This morning I woke up at ten o'clock
with my usual nausea, I ran to the bathroom only hoping that this is going to be over soon.

Since we've been together, Simon and I have always known that in the future we would have a family of our own. But now I see it in a different way: I have two  children with the man I love the most in the world, the second of which is on the way but, my children's father and I are no longer together.

I can't help but think about it every day and I've been doing it ever since my life changed, ever since my life took a wrong turn.

Simon and I are trying to rebuild our lives, but deep down we both know that our hearts are one, and always will be.

It's not at all easy to say goodbye to the person who made you understand what love is and what it really means to love.

I threw up so badly this morning, I feel like this morning sickness will never go away, I can't even eat because only thinking about it makes me throw up again.

I made my way to the bed again and cuddled up in a ball crying and sobbing very hard, I feel lonely, me and Rich are probably only together because I am trying to find in someone else the love that Simon gave me in every way. I know it's impossible though.

I know that Rich isn't what I really want, because Simon is the man of my dreams, he's the man I really love and the one I wanna dye with, but I can't be with him anymore.

Past:

Two pink lines completely changed my life for the second time.

I'm sitting on the bathroom floor with a positive pregnancy test in my hand, I'm shaking while laughing at the thought of me and Simon having our own baby, finally.

I exited the bathroom and hidden the pregnancy test behind my back.

I began to look for Simon, I don't want to shout because he would hear that I'm crying, he would worry and ruin my plans.

"Simon baby" I gently called him as I found him in the kitchen, sitting on a stool.

"Hey beautiful, what wrong? Why is your face red? Did you cry baby?" Worried, he got up and came towards me.

"Nono I'm ok baby, please go back on the stool" I giggled.

I realised that this is the first time me and Simon are smiling at each other genuinely.

"I can't understand, why are you so happy, I mean I'm glad about it , oh and what do you have behind your back?"

"Simon! Stop, shut up and let me talk!" I laughed.

"Ok ok I'm sorry" he laughed too.

"Now" I said "I have a surprise for you" I smiled.

"Uh, wow" he smiled.

"Just a little gift" I said while I sat down on his lap.

I kissed his lips briefly.

"Ok I'm ready" he said.

"Are you ready?" I giggled.

"Yep" he nodded.

I slowly removed my hands from behind my back and showed him the pregnancy test.

"No" he said and his jaw dropped.

"I'm pregnant Simon" I placed my forehead on his and started to cry slightly with emotion.

"We're having a baby" he whispered while he was holding the stick in his hands.

"We're having a baby" I whispered back.

And it's time for Simon to start crying soundly.

"Oh my god, you're pregnant baby" he hugged me very thigh and cried on my shoulder.

"I love you, I love you so much" he picked me up and he twirled me around the room while I was in his arms. I'm not very comfortable saying that anymore, not that I don't mean it but it's hard.

"I love you too baby boy" I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips.

"I can't believe this is happening" he kissed me again.

"We will be parents of two beautiful children" I said now crying with him.

"Two pretty babies, pretty like their mumma"

"Oh you're so sweet honey" with that we kissed once more.

"Simon?"

"Yes beautiful girl?" He put me down and  wrapped his arms around me, quickly kissing my lips.

"Do you think Alexandra will come back?"

"Actually I don't know, it's already been two years, but I'm sure that one day she will return my love" he said.

"I really wanted to tell her that I'm pregnant, only she and Alice saw my conditions when I got pregnant with Angelo, they weren't the best. So I really wanted to tell her that this pregnancy was the best thing that has ever happened to me in the past two years."

"Adele baby I know it's hard, in these two years you haven't been the same and I realize it, many things have happened that have put us in crisis, I know it's not a good time for our relationship but we're having a baby darling. Be strong please, do it for yourself and your children"

"Simon, I've already told you that I'm not sure about all this, it's a very difficult period for me. My son barely speaks to me, Alexandra is missing and I don't even know where she is, Chris has magically re-entered my life and wants to be my son's dad." I began to cry again, but because of the sadness. Simon hearing those words was trying to hide his anger.

It's true, pregnancy was our salvation in a dark period in our relationship. Over the last couple of years Simon and I have loved each other but not enough to stay as happy as we should have.

We often argue, mainly because of me because I always want to be alone and not talk to anyone about what ails me. Simon undoubtedly tries to come to me but I push him away.

Our life has become passive most of the time, our lovemaking has started to lose meaning, we do it when we need it but there is no longer harmony like before.

His kisses almost cut into my skin, leaving scars.

"Are you letting me go?" Simon slowly teared up.

"I'm sorry Simon" I sobbed "I'm jus-"

"Just what?? Are you tired of me? Am I not enough?" He cut me off.

"Si it's not you, it's me. I'm sorry. You are enough and you are the kind of man every woman would like to be with, but I'm in pain and I need to be alone in my pain. I don't want you to absorb some of my sadness because I love you to death, I love you so much Simon"

"If you love me, why, why are you letting me go Adele!?" He shouted while crying.

I just wrapped my arms around his neck and cried, even though he is angry he hugs and kisses me several times to console me, and it is the most beautiful thing he could have done at this moment.

Even though I wanted to be alone, deep down I was afraid that he would leave instead, leaving me alone in my thoughts. Angelo is upstairs sleeping and soon we will have to give him some news: that mum and dad have broken up but that they are about to have a baby together.

After a few minutes in which Simon and I cuddled and cried like babies, I said:

"How are we going to tell Angelo about this?" I sniffed.

"He'll understand and we don't have to do it right now so take your time baby"

"Simon if you call me baby you're gonna make it hard"

"I'll always call you baby, I love you"

I rolled my eyes and he sadly giggled.