Good Luck Anna

The Broken Man

After a frustrating google translated conversation, I'm finally loitering outside Alex's room. I have been pacing for several minutes, with no idea what I'm meant to say to him or how to behave. The blinds on the door are shut so I can't even gauge what state he is in from here.

Taking in a long calming breath, closing my eyes I push open the door. His room is small, I walk past the darkened bathroom as Alex comes into view, it hits me like a gut punch, he looks horrendous.

Was he always this pale? His brown waves are in disarray and his cheeks seem drawn in, even from here I can see the dark circles under his eyes. Deep purple bruising spreads from the collar of his hospital gown wrapping around his shoulder and neck. An untouched plate of food sits on the table in front of him.

Alex vacantly stares out the window I would worry that he was even conscious if not for the sporadic blinks of his glassy eyes.

"Alex" I wrap my arms around myself. How could dad leave him like this.

His eyes slowly move toward my voice before he mumbles "mum?" the word hits me like a bullet, everyone has always insisted that I look exactly like mum but I never really seen it until now. Tears roll off his jaw while anguish consumes him "mum" it's just a whisper, but I have to grip his bed, so I don't collapse.

"No, Alex it's me... Anna" I struggle to speak through my sobs as recognition washes over his face. His body crumples in on itself and his face disappears behind his hands, body wracking sobs leave him stabbing deep into my soul.

I propel myself forward onto Alex's bed wrapping my arms tightly around him. Alex is gasping through sobs and I know how naive I was to think I could help here, no words exist that would help him this has broken my brother and I have no idea how we even begin to piece him back together.

His body trembles below me agonisingly wailing into my shoulder I haven't seen Alex cry since we were little and I would give my soul for him not to be feeling this right now. I'm completely mute. Nothing I can say will help him with his torment so I just grip him harder, letting us both grieve in joined suffering.

"I'm sorry" Alex sounds raspy like he hasn't spoken in weeks, I barely recognise it as his.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, it was an accident" I try to sound firm but my own voice is hoarse from crying so much. He doesn't reply instead his body goes limp in my arms, I pull back panicked running my fingers under his nose thankfully I feel his breath steadily brushing them, he must have just passed out.

Carefully easing him back to the pillows, then pulling the thin sheet up as high as possible before tucking him in. Alex is by no means a little guy at six foot -compared to my five-two height he is a giant- but as I gaze upon him, he could be a small child, a complete shadow of who he once was.

I drag a chair next to his bed and curl up on it stroking the back of Alex's hand. Was it really only a week ago I last saw him? The change is immersible. My eyes feel heavy so I don't fight them letting unconsciousness take me.

Screaming fills the air as I almost fall out of my chair with how hard I fly up. I quickly scan the darkened room until my eyes land on Alex, he is still asleep but his body writhes as another scream rips through the air. Gripping his arms, I shake him "Alex sweetie, it's just a dream, wake up. It's just a dream."

"Mum..." It's garbled but hearing it breaks my heart.

"Alex, please wake up" I'm already bawling my eyes out, I can't take much more of this.

"Mum...mu" His eyes flash open terror consuming them, he already has tears running down his face but seeing me sends him into complete shutdown. Alex's eyes drift to the ceiling where he stares hardly blinking, a gentle stream of tears rolling off the side of his face.

Crumpling into my chair I pull myself into the foetal position and wrap my hand around my mouth in an attempt to quieten the tsunami of misery flowing from me. The pain in Alex's face is just increasing my never ending agony so I close my eyes hiding them behind my knees.

Shuffling quickly fills the room but I can't even open my eyes, it won't be Edward so I don't give a fuck who it is. "Sorry for the delay, we are understaffed today are you both well?" the voice has a strong accent but at least she knows English. I should grill her for information about Alex, wring her dry for every way to help him but my tongue is a dead weight in my mouth.

Squeaking of wheels is what forces my eyes open, fear that they are taking Alex from me motivates my body to move. I watch with confusion as an empty bed rolls past me, once it's locked into place along the wall two porters slip out of the room without a word.

My eyes drift back the nurse she is hooking a fresh IV bag to Alex. "I spoke with Edward, he won't arrive until tomorrow so you sleep here." Her voice and eyes are soft, my head nods but movement on Alex's bed brings my attention back to him.

His hands cover his face hard whimpers reverberate from beneath. I feel my eyes fill with tears again dropping my head back to my knees. The nurse's footsteps come closer and her hands wrap with mine.

"It has only been four days he will get better with time, you both will. What has happened to your family may seem unbearable but you can make it through this, just give it time" dull ringing fills he hallway. "I have got to go. Try to get some sleep" her footsteps rush from the room leaving us once again, alone.