Good Luck Anna

Flashbacks

On Saturday I'm apparently doing the family trait of pacing while I wait for Thomas' late train to arrive. Signalling issues held everything up by over an hour. The dread that roars through me at leaving Alex alone for so long is immeasurable.

Opening the train app for the hundredth time I check on Thomas's train, he is apparently only five minutes away. The pacing starts again, I flick on our house cameras to check on Alex if he is in his room, I'm fucked but any other communal areas he should be easy enough to find.

Alex is in the garden, where I have found him multiple times this week staring at mum's bloomless rose bushes, he sat out there for two hours on Wednesday. We are lucky the temperature still hasn't dipped down into single digits since he didn't deem it necessary to put a jumper on never mind a jacket.

Feet thundering toward me takes my attention away from obsessing over my brother, my eyes barely meet Thomas' before I'm lifted from the ground and spun around like I weigh less than air causing a gravely giggle to get caught in my throat.

"Are you alright?" He gently holds the side of my face, concern written all over his.

Having had my fill of public displays of emotion I shake my head only saying "not here." Thomas doesn't push any further simply linking our arms together dragging me off toward the exit.

As we walk through the gate Thomas doesn't hide his amazement our house. I roll my eyes "don't even try to pretend that your house is smaller than this."

"Mines is an ugly modern monstrosity, this is classically beautiful." I don't quite understand the flourish of pride that fills me with his admission, but I will take anything better than the general shit that I have been feeling recently.

"I'm glad you like it, mum always wanted to live in an old house, dad prefers the modern monstrosity variety, so this was their compromise." I shrug opening the front door only to be hit with the stench of burning.

My feet take off running Thomas right on my heels, we clatter into the kitchen to be met with Alex who stands over the stove completely checked out. He is staring at the wall, long hard breaths move his entire upper body.

"Alex!" when my yell doesn't do anything I walk right into his eye line and shout "Alex!" he blinks rapidly finally returning to the present. Confusion flits over his face as I nod toward the charred mess of whatever he was attempting to cook before.

His eyes slowly slip down then alarm consumes his face as he becomes aware of what's happened. He turns off the heat and stammers "sorry...I don't know how..." Alex shakes his head and sighs "I'm going to have to bin this."

Alex sounds so deflated and when I take a closer look at the blackened frying pan I notice the melted spatula, how long was he gone for that he managed to melt the plastic spatula. More importantly where the fuck did he even find that in here? Dad only insists on the best and cheap plastic would never be welcomed in this house.

"Do you want me to make you something Alex?" His eyes are distant when they make it back to me.

He blinks hard a couple of times, "No its fine, I'm just going to lay down for a little bit" Alex turns from us slowly shuffling toward the bin.

"OK well if you need anything just give us a shout, we are going to paint my room." I try to keep my voice light even although I'm closer to tears. Alex grunts in understanding, I grab a couple bottles of water from the fridge before ushering a stunned Thomas from the kitchen.

Thomas allows me to shove him all the way to the stairs before he stops dead turning on me with a serious expression slapped on his face. "You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own."